Well, I'm trying to get myself to seek help, find a therapist. And I think I'm wearing out my support system with my reluctance.
I was in therapy when I met my future wife, back in 2001. I was also taking anti-depressants, at the time, though I was having trouble finding one that worked well for me. My future, now soon-to-be-ex-, wife felt like I was involving the therapist in my decision-making about the relationship, and basically, forced me to choose between them. She also had objections to being with a man who felt like "he needs medication for the rest of his life". So, that went, too.
I didn't get massively depressed, right away, and things went well enough that we got married in the fall of 2002.
Later in the marriage, I found myself fantasizing suicide, and was partly aware that it was the marriage that was causing it, enough to try therapy again to see why I was staying in it.
I never did find out; even though she favored the idea at first, she again forced me to choose, and by that time, I was pretty defeated.
So, twice I allowed myself to sever the bonds of a therapy relationship, just because someone else demanded it of me. Both times, I choose peace over being true to myself and to the parts of me that needed to be heard.
That's what's making it so difficult to go back, now that I'm free to do so. Because it was really me that stopped me, before, and I'm still around.