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Out of step


Victimorthecrime
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I fear I am becoming bipolar or something like it. I feel really up one minute followed by a sense of impending doom the next.

One minute I will be like "hey I've got my health, my house, my job" but the next "yeah but I will never have the time, energy, money to enjoy anything and my course is perpetual decline".

Sometimes I think I should just sell this place and use that money to have fun for a few years. But then it would take time, energy, money to get this place in a sellable condition. But I like the idea of owning a home and hate the idea of renting, especially the kind of place I would rent. I like that I have space in here, don't have upstairs neighbors and can pull the car into the driveway and right up to the door. But everything in the house is ancient and needs to be replaced and so disgusting I don't ever have friends over.

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This house could use it. Other families in the neighborhood have renovated but this one continues in a 1960s-70s motif.

What I have discovered about money is that unless you have a LOT of it, it is next to useless. Unless you have enough money to afford the very best (car, home, services) then you are screwed because people know you can't afford a lawyer if they fuck you.

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Sounds like it could be different inner voices or parts of yourself. Do the mood swings last a long time?

Paris is tragic and disheartening, I hear you. :(

I find comfort in this quote by Fred Rogers. Awful things are happening in the world without a doubt, but I believe there are still many good, kind people in this world too.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers--so many caring people in this world."

I hope you feel better.

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Thanks for the words both. When you are young you at least have hope. As you get older that supply of hope gets sparse and you begin to wonder what the point of it all is. I don't even know what I want anymore; much less how to get it. I feel like the answer teases me, I can sense it, but it always alludes me. it escapes back into the forest like skittish prey.

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Well if it makes you feel any better, when someone is bipolar they're mood doesn't change up and down throughout a day. Really, periods of mania lasting at least several days, distinguish someone who is bipolar. I forget the exact guidelines but I had a dr explain this all to me in great detail at a point in my life. This particular dr tried to diagnosis me bipolar in 1 visit and subsequently psychosis. I had neither of those. Just a crazy dr. However I got quite the education about bipolar disorder. People often think someone with bipolar is happy one minute and sad the next but that's really wrong. Anyway, I do however relate to what you're saying. I think I'm going through something similar. I also think I mistake fear for sadness. I don't know if it's the same for you. Hope you're able to level out.

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Thanks smallstar and Res.

Maybe the mood disorder is just my reaction to stress? I took an on line assessment for depression and the only question I was not indicated for depression was regarding sleep. I do love to sleep. I can usually talk my way through negative thought and feelings but lately it's seems like that is getting harder and harder to do.

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I took an on line assessment for depression and the only question I was not indicated for depression was regarding sleep. I do love to sleep. I can usually talk my way through negative thought and feelings but lately it's seems like that is getting harder and harder to do.

damn! are you saying that all criteria for depression (except sleep disorders) apply to you? if so, idk how the hell you manage to function, man.

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