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Hey,it's been a while


robert
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It's been a while so i thought I'd come and check to see how everyone was doing. A lot has been going on in my life I moved to a different city I've officially been at my new apartment for 3 days it's the first time I've actually lived in a different than my mother.  It's still kind strange adjusting to a new city I at least my sister and my brother lives near.  I still battle with sps and my usual inferiority complex I've read you guys posts and to be honest they really made me feel down i was hoping at least someone would have had some luck moving sucks ass and most of all Texas is too fucking HOT!!!!! I wish I had good news but nothing has changed having a small penis is still not a good thing and at the risk of sounding like loser and a mamas boy I miss my mother because basically other than my sister she is the only female I have contact with I'm 28yrs old and it hurts inside to know there are certain things in this life I will never experience many people die and go to the grave with many life experiences and when I die I will go to the grave with a lot of regrets my life right now seems unfulfilling and the worst thing about it is that I know what the problem is but I'm stuck with it despite the health problems I deal with my life is starting to seem like a burden a lot of people in the world do not realize how lucky they are not having to deal with living with a small penis if there is a god or creator he must really hate me LOL!!!!! I hope all you guys hang in there and stay strong reading you guys posts depressed the hell out of me

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Hi Robert. It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry things are still hard for you. :(

It's been a very hot summer here in NY too. Are there places you can go to swim? I hope you find some activities you enjoy in your new city.

It's okay to miss people you love. Can you call your mom from time to time or maybe even Skype with her, if she is too far away to visit?

I hope things look brighter for you, Robert. Take care of yourself.

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10 hours ago, IrmaJean said:

Hi Robert. It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry things are still hard for you. :(

It's been a very hot summer here in NY too. Are there places you can go to swim? I hope you find some activities you enjoy in your new city.

It's okay to miss people you love. Can you call your mom from time to time or maybe even Skype with her, if she is too far away to visit?

I hope things look brighter for you, Robert. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Irma Jean I'm still trying to get familiar with living here it's ok honestly though Texas is the last place i thought I would be but I guess it takes time to adjust I still keep in contact with my mother everyday she stays pretty far from where I live 

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On July 30, 2016 at 6:55 PM, TinyBlackDick said:

Nice to hear from you bro. Sorry that life is still shitty for you. How's it going on the music front?

Too depressed to do anything anymore I could care less about music I just don't have it in me anymore I wish I could just lay down and die I've tried to make the best out of my life and still I failed I don't have much fight left in me feeling dead inside is worse than actually being dead I'm not trying to depress anybody it's just I've accepted reality and I see no hope I thought moving would help but it made it worse I'm more depressed than ever more than anything I wish I could just die I really mean that I just can't do living anymore having depression sps and health problems is too much to bare my mother is the last piece of sanity I have if she ever dies my fate will be sealed

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I'm sorry you're feeling so down and depressed, Robert. :( Does your mother know how much you're hurting? Can you reach out to her and share? Maybe the connection could help.

Health problems can be so very difficult to cope with. Are doctors able to help at all? :(

I hope you are able to see some light. Sitting with you, Robert.

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Robert - I have worked in a non clinical capacity in Behavioral Health for 12 years and I implore you to see a competent psychiatrist.  If you are seeing one now, fire them and try someone new because there are treatments that can help.  

Call your insurance company and get a list of doctors & facilities.  Call a facility and ask for admissions & tell them you want to come in for an assessment.  

I know for a fact that Texas has a robust social services network so check out "metro care" and "MHMR".  

Let me know if there is anything I can do.  

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I agree, Robert. I can imagine it's very difficult to follow through and take action when you are feeling so depressed, but I hope you can find the strength to. I hope too that you reach out for help. Your life matters. As Victim said, keep searching for counselors or therapists until you find someone you can work with. We're behind you in this, we care about your well-being, and we want you to feel better. Sending you strength and comfort.

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On Monday, August 01, 2016 at 4:29 PM, robert said:

Too depressed to do anything anymore I could care less about music I just don't have it in me anymore I wish I could just lay down and die I've tried to make the best out of my life and still I failed I don't have much fight left in me feeling dead inside is worse than actually being dead I'm not trying to depress anybody it's just I've accepted reality and I see no hope I thought moving would help but it made it worse I'm more depressed than ever more than anything I wish I could just die I really mean that I just can't do living anymore having depression sps and health problems is too much to bare my mother is the last piece of sanity I have if she ever dies my fate will be sealed

I'm sorry you feel this way mate. I've been where you are and I know how painful it can be. Focusing on my music got me out and keeps me out of that mess. I have good and bad days but no longer so bad that I entertain thoughts of death. I'm trying to come to terms with all my shortcomings. I'm a dumb, unskilled and uneducated, short dude with a small dick in a third world country that's gone to the dogs...but I have life. It sucks but I'm here so what now? I just do what I can. I can take myself out, I go to the movies and restaurants on my own. I do it cause I can and it honestly helps stave off the bad thoughts.

 

No one loves me? Fuck it. I'll learn to love myself. I'm not interesting? Meh... I'll travel and enjoy some adventures on my own (haven't gotten on to this yet though). I'm stupid as fuck? Whatever. I'll laugh at myself and my stupid mistakes. I'm boring? I'll entertainment myself however I see fit. No sex? I'll pay for it if it comes to that. Right now maturbating works just fine. Small dick? Well...small dick then I guess. The way I see it, I'm never going to live the life i desire, ever. I'll have to enjoy the little that I have and it is little.

 

I learned the world does not give a damn ,shit, rats ass or flying fuck about me or my struggles so I'll just care about myself. The world is cold. It shut me out ever since I was a kid and I've been trying to be a part of it ever since but I've come to the realisation that I simply don't fit in. I have tried everything and failed, so I'm going solo. Need motivation? Look within. Need love? Love yourself. Need a friend? Your it. Someone to talk to? Talk to yourself, crazy as it may seem. What will come of this? I don't know. All I know is im never going to get what I need from the world. I guess I'm an island. 

 

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14 minutes ago, TinyBlackDick said:

I'm sorry you feel this way mate. I've been where you are and I know how painful it can be. Focusing on my music got me out and keeps me out of that mess. I have good and bad days but no longer so bad that I entertain thoughts of death. I'm trying to come to terms with all my shortcomings. I'm a dumb, unskilled and uneducated, short dude with a small dick in a third world country that's gone to the dogs...but I have life. 

 

You're not in the United States? 

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Love your comment!!! I didnt know you was from south africa? Ive always wanted to visit Johannesburg given the chance i would trade places with you ill live in south africa and you can stay here in texas when the opportunity arrives to leave here im definitely getting out of texas although ive noticed that that people from small towns are more friendly than city people it does suck though living in a new city alone my apartment feels so empty maybe i should get a dog? I do have relatives who live here but my family was more like strangers who came from the same gene poole btw i havent seen any posts from klingsor in a while i enjoyed his posts i hope he is doing ok

 

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On 8/3/2016 at 8:33 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

Oh ok thanks I was curious what you meant.  I agree w a lot of what you said.  If I had realized just how brutal life and people are I would have planned better and worked harder when I was younger.  

Hope things get better for you soon tbd.  

Yeah me too

 

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On Thursday, August 11, 2016 at 5:02 AM, robert said:

Love your comment!!! I didnt know you was from south africa? Ive always wanted to visit Johannesburg given the chance i would trade places with you ill live in south africa and you can stay here in texas when the opportunity arrives to leave here im definitely getting out of texas although ive noticed that that people from small towns are more friendly than city people it does suck though living in a new city alone my apartment feels so empty maybe i should get a dog? I do have relatives who live here but my family was more like strangers who came from the same gene poole btw i havent seen any posts from klingsor in a while i enjoyed his posts i hope he is doing ok

 

Lol! Man I would not mind making a switch. I've never been outside the south Africa so I'd love to visit the states. ☺

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