Wish I could die

[passionfruit3]

I was honest and my psychiatrist is not even in to hear it.lost my phone so can't even talk to anyone mom won't let me use hers.I told them about the garbage disposal incident,the burning,and other ways I'd tried to harm myself it wasn't enough for there concern.I just wanted to be away from my sister so we wouldn't fight.and there acting like the crap i do is normal.who squirts teeth whitening into there ear canal for heaven sakes.I hate myself so much I wish I could kill myself.

[jazz]

  You were right to be honest, sorry you did not get the help you need. Try to keep safe, hopefully someone will listen to you soon, in the meantime you can talk it over here. Hope you can resist acting on the self hate.

[m.allen]

Maybe a beneficial thought experiment could be to imagine how the 'you' would act if you liked yourself? How would this 'likeable you' behave and think? What is the first thing they would do? The second? And so on.
And then one step at a time, allow yourself to slowly become this likeable version of yourself. This version of you that you like and are proud of. Maybe it could help to stop before you do something and think if it's something the you that you like would do, or if it's something the you that you hate would do, and then choose to act in ways that make you proud of yourself and begin to like yourself.

Creating small goals at first is probably best and then build on that momentum. If you were watching a movie about your life, how would you want the protagonist or 'hero' in the movie to act? What would you want them to do? What would you think is the healthiest, best & right thing for them to do? And then do those things. One step at a time, do those things, and when you fail to do those things try to use that as motivation to succeed next time.

People can help you through this and we are here for you, but this is something that you're going to have to change within yourself. Best of luck. I'm sorry times have been hard.