Alone

[Renni.cl]

I'm considering changing schools because I don't have a lot of friend at my current school. I used to have some but I lost the, in the past months. I talked to my mom about it and she said that maybe I'm the problem because 3 years ago I had the same problem before changing schools. That hurt me. I want to have some good real friends who I can feel comfortable with and trust and feel loved. I don't have a boyfriend, I've never had one. Last year all my friends had a boyfriend and I was the only one without one, that made me feel sad. Sometimes I think that I'm too ugly or fat or maybe, like my mom said, "no one loves a girl who's depressed and cuts herself". I just want someone to tell me that they love me and that I'm pretty and smart and beautiful and funny. Someone who will hug me when I'm sad and listen to music with. Maybe I'm the problem. I don't know. I'm worried that I will never find a real friend or a boyfriend. I feel alone. 

[LaLa]

I'm sorry, Renni, that you're feeling so lonely and don't have support of your family nor friends  . Good friends are important because they contribute very much to our wellbeing, but, unfortunately, it's sometimes (I think that quite often) hard to find them, especially when you're limited to a group of teenagers (most of whom don't yet have enough capabilities to be good friends with someone who struggles with mental health issues) from your class. I know some people who were bullied and lonely at school and found friends only at university  .

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

she said that maybe I'm the problem

This is a terrible think to say, and even much more terrible it the following:

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

"no one loves a girl who's depressed and cuts herself".

First of all, you're not at all the/a problem; you're having problems. And, as I mentioned, it's not always easy to find someone who can understand that, be compassionate and supportive, mainly among teens who've never had similarly serious problems themselves. I suppose your mom wanted to say something like this to you, but her choice of words was very inappropriate, because she said something that not only isn't true, but also make you feel much worse for no reason! I'm worried that you understand her words even in a much harsher manner than they were meant and can be seen: I'm worried that you also, at least subconsciously, make the conclusion that "you're unlovable". Yet, what you'd need the most now is actually love - at least of one kind, not necessarily romantic (but the kind of love that is between close friends and, of course, the love of your parents).

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

I'm considering changing schools

I cannot know if this is the right "strategy" (perhaps you'd have more chance at a different school - it's quite random), but perhaps you could first rather try to work on the problems you have while staying where you are. (How long have you been trying to get better so far?) Wouldn't be such a change also another stressor in your, already stressful, life? Or do you feel like "start anew", be "a slightly different person" when coming to a different place? If yes, what would you change? What do you think are the real reasons why you don't have friends now? 

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

I was the only one without one, that made me feel sad. Sometimes I think that I'm too ugly or fat

It's just a strange coincidence that all your friends had a boyfriend! For instance, none of my friends had a boyfriend before sometimes during the university studies. Also, are you sure those relationships were "worth it"? Teens sometimes brag about their love-lives, but in reality, they can be full of confusion, fears, embarrassment, ... (besides, of course, some nice aspects) and the eventual breakup can be very hard for some. I'm convinced that it's better to be more emotionally mature when experiencing the first romantic relationship (which doesn't mean it cannot go well for some who are very young). But yes; my convictions aren't important here  . What is important in this context is, I think, to realize that if you have a boyfriend or not doesn't tell anything about you being worth to be loved = being lovable. It's true that some people look more attractive to the majority of others, but that doesn't mean, for instance, that they'll have better, more fulfilling relationships. Even if you're not one of those who easily catches attention of boys, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you (that you're ugly etc.); you certainly have many characteristics that will, "when the time will come", appeal to some boys.

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

I just want someone to tell me that they love me and that I'm pretty and smart and beautiful and funny.

I know it feels very good to hear such things and I don't say it's bad to like it. But the problem here seems to be that you think (or are afraid that) only hearing it from a friend or boyfriend would make you "good and lovable". It's not true. Even if you have to wait for such words a long time, you'll still be all those things all the time.

20 hours ago, Renni.cl said:

Someone who will hug me when I'm sad and listen to music with.

I would also like you to know that all your wishes are normal and natural and I wish you very much that they come true soon. But never forget that even until they don't come true, you still, always, deserve a good friend, a person you dream about; it's, to a great extent, a matter of chance when you'll meet one.

Here are two "articles" I recommend to you:

http://www.thebookoflife.org/criticism-when-youve-had-a-bad-childhood/ 

http://www.thebookoflife.org/what-would-an-ideal-friend-be-like/

Take care!