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so, my mom just came in my room to wake me up, and she laid next to me awhile and our backs were touching. Not only was i annoyed but disgusted by this, i'd say to an extreme. I kept screaming "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GO AWAY" in my head and twitching/shuffling my feet until she left.I just think it's weird because i'm ok with my friends and girlfriend touching me, why not her? I also can't stand most things she does, singing in the car, the choices she makes, ect. I also tend to snap at her and be agitated by her more than others. My mom has never done anything too bad to me but i mean, i did grow up in an unstable environment because my dad was an alcoholic/schizophrenic  and sometimes i'd blame her for staying with him. But i'm over that now and don't see how that would affect me now (in this way).I do not want to be disgusted by my mother, i don't think she deserves that. (note: iv'e noticed this is more intense when i'm off my medicine, i take vyvanase, setraline and apriprazole) oh, and i just remembered i used to have this problem with my grandpa too I didn't like sleeping in the same bed or sitting in his lap or brushing shoulders or anything as a kid (and im pretty sure it only stopped because he died).Honestly i don't think i'd be comfortable with any family member touching me except for maybe a hug but if it was my partner or friend i think i'd be ok with it.

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Hi, Petri, welcome! :) 

As you probably expect, we cannot tell you why you feel the way you do (and I'm not even sure it can be once totally explained - but perhaps yes, if you really tried to understand it in psychotherapy). But I can at least let you know that it's not something "bad" that you should be ashamed of and/or feel angry about, reproaching to yourself that you're "not normal" or "bad" (I don't know if you do, but you seem at least quite concerned about the issue, so I'm afraid you might have similar feelings and judgements due to it). You haven't mentioned your age, but I imagine you're a teenager (?). As you know, adolescence is a time when kids become more and more "distant from" or even "opposed to" their parents and it can manifest itself in many ways. The reason kids like parents' touch is inborn, as is the fact that they start "loosing interest in it" as they grow up. It doesn't mean everybody starts disliking being touched, but it may happen - temporarily or perhaps even "forever". There are many kids who dislike a lot most physical contact with distant family members, so as parents "become more distant" as kids grow up, I think an analogous / similar dislike may develop. But as I said, it may be temporary, like the rebellious,, angry phase of growing up is. So I don't think you should be worried about this problem you described. Having said that, I also think it's good that you shared it and want to communicate about it - that's always the best way to face problems (not hiding them and trying to cope alone). I also think that if it continues to bother you, if you continue to feel bad about it, you may talk about it with your therapist and/or psychiatrist (as you take psychiatric medication, I suppose you see at least a psychiatrist sometimes). Despite it being one of possible normal parts of adolescence, it may also be somehow related to (/exacerbated by) some of your mental problems, so perhaps that's a reason why mentioning it to your doctor / therapist would make sense.

BTW, regarding the dislike many kids have for hugging, kissing etc. family members, psychologists recommend never to force them to do it because it may be harmful - it's important to respect kid's boundaries and to let them to define them (the boundaries). (Here are some articles about the subject: https://www.today.com/parents/why-give-grandma-kiss-can-be-bad-kids-t104703 and https://www.today.com/parents/why-it-s-never-ok-parents-force-kids-hug-adults-t118863) As you're no longer a kid, you may (if you prefer so) force yourself to accept hugs etc. from your mom, because you can probably "handle your dislike" better than a kid would, but there's still no reason why you should "beat yourself up" because of feeling guilty or weird.

Good luck and keep posting!

Edited by LaLa
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  • 1 month later...

I know how you feel. In the past year I began hating my parents touch too, I can’t stand when they accidentally touch me, I hate it and I’ve become really aggressive towards them. When I was as little they used to hit me (sometimes they still do) and I came to the conclusion that that’s why I don’t like being touched by them. I also hate when I’m acting the same way as my father does, I can’t eat the same thing he eats, I can’t be in the same posture/position he is, I can’t strand when I realize I talk like him or make the same noises, I even hate when I breath like him. I really don’t know why this is happening to me. But you are not alone :)

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