White Flag

[Desolate Ronin]

As you might have noticed, I'm popping on this site quite frequently ranging from my issues with my SPS to my past sexual abuse at the hands of my old female middle school teachers. I'm on here because the truth of the matter is that I don't have a stable support system right now, and my family has their own issues to contend with that they don't need to hear mine. The reason why I'm writing this is because relationships aren't and haven't been my calling card even though I'm a giver. The fact remains is that I'm 30 years old with a new job, goals falling into place, and yet the one piece that still is missing is my ability to find a constant flow of intimacy with a woman both physical and emotional. Anyone who says they're fine with being alone isn't really fine with it, and that's something I keep telling myself almost every other day. I was a confident man at one point, but, between the string of women rejecting me because of my penis size, to the dark remnants of sexual abused I had to endure, and being emasculated by my mom since I was 10 years old, these have pushed me to the edge. The edge where I just wanna throw in the white flag and surrender. The level of humiliation, discord, and abuse I had to go through just to find happiness in a women is at its peak. People are constantly asking me, "Don't you wanna settle down?" "Don't you want kids?" In my head, sure, that's all I've ever wanted in the last few years, but instead, I give them a no for surface value. The truth is that women have left me jaded, broken, and cold. Why on earth will I continue to put a thought in my head, a thought that entertains the idea of me ever finding my better half...……...or half at all. What good is a man who has been emasculated and beaten by his mother? A man who has been sexually assaulted over the years by educators, to the point where he feel like I'm damaged goods. A man who has heart yet is measured not a man because of my small penis. Some of my exes have even stated that they could never imagine marrying a man with a small penis yet procreate with him. If it wasn't that, it was the "You look good on paper" speech. On the verge of accepting my solitude, accepting that I will never be a woman's first choice, and accepting that what I want will never be. I ready to raise that white flag. 

[Victimorthecrime]

10 hours ago, Desolate Ronin said:

I'm 30 years old with a new job, goals falling into place, and yet the one piece that still is missing 

"Society", for lack of a better word, conditions us from early childhood to believe that life must follow a script, that there are "stages" that occur that are well defined and predictable.  Those directing society will say "we are just ojectively describing things as they  are".  And some of these people are themselves conditioned and actually believe this.  

The best way to get someone to accept and believe something is to put forth the argument "that's just how it is".  And if this is put forth by people who themselves believe it and if these people are popular and attractive and likable and the message is repeated and repeated and repeated endlessly then a irresistible hypnotic thought virus is released, brainwashing occurs and you have a nation of people convinced their beliefs correspond w some some fixed unshakable external reality that only a fool, an idiot, a drug user or a troublemaker would dare question.  

School is not education. School is indoctrination and brainwashing.  Ask any guy that's just graduated high school "ok so what can you do?" and you will get a blank stare. Don't you think after 12 years of education he should be able to do something?  If you probe further you will find that what he can do is memorize and repeat worthless horseshit.  And what he plans to do is go through 4 more years of it only this time he pays, takes on debt, and develops a reliance on drugs and alcohol to silence that voice that's screaming "something's wrong!".  

I have watched and read hundreds of interviews w very wealthy men and what they want is not money, not profit, not power. What they want is certainty.  Certainty is the tree bearing fruits of money and power.  Ask yourself "how is this certainty achieved?" and you will see our current system.  

The truth is life is what it is, people are who they are and that is fine and it could never really be any other way.  All the labels and stages and descriptions are just lies peddled by those w agendas or by people who are just mouthing their programming because they don't know anything else.  

[Victimorthecrime]

Ooops 😐 didn't mean to post it twice.  

[Desolate Ronin]

I don't follow the "norm," but I can't exactly enforce my way of thinking on the majority, you know. Women's outlook on men is equal to that show Property Brothers on HGTV. They'll show a couple a house that's move in ready and that has everything on their wishlist only to find out that the place is 500,000 over their budget. When the host tries to persuade the wife to look at renovations, she scuffs at the idea. My point is that women don't want a guy that's still working on himself. They want a "Trophy Man." A man that as a nice car, a nice apartment, a great job, and a big penis, and they're not willing to sacrifice anything off that list. Guys are different though. If a woman has at least half that list covered, we'll take the good with the bad. With women, it's a game of "All or Nothing," and I'm sick of that. Women are being programmed to be materialistic, to be judgmental, and to be uncompromising. Its a painstaking process that ive reached my limit with.

[Victimorthecrime]

9 hours ago, Desolate Ronin said:

They want a "Trophy Man." A man that as a nice car, a nice apartment, a great job, and a big penis

They are free to want whatever they want but this is exactly the kind of guy that these days pushes off marriage until well into his 30s or beyond in exchange for an extended period of killing it on Tinder.  There is even a guy on here who talks about that and also about the troubles it brings.  

[Victimorthecrime]

9 hours ago, Desolate Ronin said:

Guys are different though. If a woman has at least half that list covered, we'll take the good with the bad.

I agree w that. That lines up w what I have seen.  

[Desolate Ronin]

13 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

They are free to want whatever they want but this is exactly the kind of guy that these days pushes off marriage until well into his 30s or beyond in exchange for an extended period of killing it on Tinder.  There is even a guy on here who talks about that and also about the troubles it brings.  

So it's "The grass is always greener on the other side" kind of thing? Maybe it's so, but a guy who has all that doesn't have the problems that men like me are plagued with. 

[Victimorthecrime]

@Desolate Ronin oh for sure totally agree.  

[Wayless]

I had a very negative view of my masculinity and penis so I settled for women who had been damaged by abuse and home and while dating.