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I need to hurt myself because I cant deal with emotions


Cherryberry
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I can't help but harming myself almost everyday. I tend to hit myself in the head with my fist repeatedly but it makes me hurt so much I think I might actually be losing braincells. I dont know if thats possible, but ive had so much bruising around my head and I cant help it because I get triggered so easily. Recently Ive had to exchange this by cutting and looking at gore pictures to trigger myself and I just feel like such a disgusting human being. Please how can I stop triggering myself because I hate myself? I am going to therapy but its all so slow and Im so incapable of progressing.

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Hi, Cherryberry, welcome!

I'm sorry you've been experiencing these issues; it's dangerous and scary. :( It's good that you're already in therapy, even though it often takes a lot of time to heal. Yes, it's a long process, but you've already started and that's important. However, it seems you'd need also a more intensive help right now. These impulses to hurt yourself are dangerous; you can cause some permanent damage (probably mainly by concussion). Is there a possibility to get hospitalised? To have "a break from your life" in a safe environment, where they would prevent you from self-harm? I now it probably sounds bad, but wouldn't it be better than the current situation?

In the meantime, do you live with someone or could someone move in with you to take care of you, keep you safe and keep you company?

I hear you that you feel "like a disgusting human being", but I want you to know this feeling is only a symptom of an illness, not something that would correspond to reality. Your judgement about yourself, your triggers and all the behaviour are based on something that makes you perceive reality differently and can be cured. But to have enough time to be cured, you need to stay safe. That's why I would suggest hospitalisation. And if it's not possible, for some reason, then I hope you'll consult this with your therapist soon and you'll find an alternative.

Feel free to open up and write more about your situation, feelings, fears, ... Unfortunately, this forum is rather quiet (there's not a lot of active members anymore, so you can find another one where replies are more quick and numerous - I can suggest a few, if you'd like), but I hope at least some of us will be here to "listen" and to support you.

Take care and I wish you the best of luck!

 

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