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Looking for a forever friend.


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Hello my name is Juan. I am a 4 decades and some years old. I am looking for a friend to be my forever friend. I never had a long term friend. I moved around alot. The friends I thought would remain as friends left me or I got burned by them. I love to game. I love to hangout. I love to also stay at home. It's hard for me to trust people because all my life I was taken advantage of my niceness. I have been abused by different people, different occasions. Mentally I am stuck in my childhood.  I was in the Army and now I am a Veteran.  I never had a long term girlfriend. I am confused now because of my past and present. Sometimes I feel like I am heterosexual and other times I feel like I am homosexual. There are times I feel Asexual. My thoughts are my nightmares. I have talked to a doctor about it and he just dismissed my mental state and said that I was not mentally in need. That having homosexual thoughts or feelings is not wrong. So There is my story and hope someone can relate and I hope to at least make one true friend. 

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Hello, @ImOne234Ever, welcome!

I'm sorry you haven't received any reply yet. This forum has been very quiet in the recent years; very few people are active here and we only come from time to time. I hope you also posted on some other forums and have been successful there in making contacts.

I can relate to your longing for a "forever friend"; it's a very comforting, beautiful idea to have one. I think deep friendship isn't very easy to find and the kind you long for is relatively rare. But having a good friend for a few years is much better than having none, that's why I would suggest to just look for a truly good friend, not labelling him "forever" from the start. People change, life circumstances change; it's impossible to make such long-term commitments. 

I suppose after the abuse and the childhood experiences (moving a lot, ...) you had, plus the current 'confusion' you describe, it feels even harder to find a close friend who would finally be a really good person, treating you well, supporting you in your self-understanding, ... Don't let all that discourage you! You never know when and where you'll meet a precious person that can change your life forever with true friendship! (Yes; the beneficial changes are "forever", even if the friendship is just temporary. :) )

Are there some places / activities which would allow you to meet new people and communicate, thus "searching for" a friend?

On 5/16/2022 at 2:11 AM, ImOne234Ever said:

My thoughts are my nightmares. I have talked to a doctor about it and he just dismissed my mental state and said that I was not mentally in need. That having homosexual thoughts or feelings is not wrong.

I wonder what precisely the doctor said because it seems confused. "Having homosexual thoughts or feelings is not wrong" is, of course, true. But the fact that he dismissed your suffering ("My thoughts are my nightmares", ...) is worrying and sad. And unprofessional. I would recommend to find a psychologist / psychotherapist you could talk to about the suffering itself - to find out why the idea of being perhaps homosexual (or asexual) is so frightening to you and to understand more what you feel and why. Don't let the one bad experience with a doctor stop you from searching for a good professional who would help you. You don't need help "not to feel sometimes homosexual", you need help to understand yourself more and (consequently) not be tormented by these (nor other) issues. 

Feel free to write us more about any of this. Writing can often help to see things more clearly.

Good luck and take care!

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BTW, if you have a Netflix account, I would recommend this series (not just for teenagers ;) ) - it shows how confusing and hard it can be when a boy realises for the first time he's attracted to another boy. I know it's not what you're going through, but I imagine it could be interesting to watch and inspiring to some more self-discovery (confronting your own emotions with those of others in situations a bit similar to yours):


 If it doesn't help you, it can at least bring some light entertainment (I find it quite fun and nice to watch and it has many, many enthusiastic fans :) ).

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