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Hi. I'm currently 18, almost 19. I don't know how to really start this. I guess I'll explain what I'm worried about. I'm worried that I am a pedophile because of some of the porn that I have seen. I have never seen, you know, actual CP or anything and have never tried to find it; have never had any attraction to any child. Let me just try to calm down and explain everything.

 

When I was around 9/10, I got a new neighbor and he was a grade above me and a year older. We had similar interests and there weren't many other kids on our street. He really introduced me to the concept of sex and after a while me and him did things, never penetration, but the point stands that we were active. This happened maybe a total of five or ten times over a year or so. Around the time he moved away, not long after that I started worrying I was secretly gay. I know now that I am not and that I was simply a child experimenting with a peer. Also not long after we started being active, I got into porn, both real porn and hentai/cartoon porn, and I mean Western cartoons. I was about 11 or 12 by this point. I would look up shows like The Simpsons, Family Guy, Ben 10, childhood cartoons I watched. I had also found a site where an adult described stories of minors and their sexual experiences; I was 10 when I found that site and it was one of the first sexual things I had ever read. As I aged I stopped reading the stories; I realized around 14/15/16 that they were really creepy and that I wanted nothing to do with that. They were generally around my age but there was one involving an eight-year-old and his aunt that sickens me to think about; obviously I am not attracted to these stories at this point and honestly I want the site taken down. Anyway, I dropped the stories but I continued to watch hentai and cartoon porn. I remember one of the artists I looked at when I first started looking at cartoon porn and his name was Shadman, or Shaddai Prejean. I looked at porn of The Incredibles by him, and a lot of other stuff. I realized some of his drawings were of younger people and were considered lolicon, and I usually avoided those, I preferred characters around my age. At around 15/16 I was reading this Ben 10 comic that was by a similar creator to Shadman and once I realized how young the characters looked in comparison to me by that point, I stopped looking at it. By the time I hit mid-17 and early-18, I had stopped looking at hentai and cartoon porn completely and I'm not sure if it was an addiction or what, I know a lot of people don't believe in porn addiction. I'm just scared because of the times I looked at lolicon and didn't quite realize what I was looking at, and the fact that I got off to it. I know a lot of hentai characters look a lot older than they actually are, but yeah. It's hard to feel the same about myself as a person, I was proud of myself for quitting watching it but recently this wave just fell over me and this is what was part of it. I used to watch porn of RWBY, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Ben 10, The Walking Dead (video game, season 3 and 4), Kill La Kill, basically every show imaginable, Naruto, Pokémon. I am not at all attracted to hentai whatsoever anymore, nor am I attracted to children in any way, and I'm just confused and scared honestly. I read about pedophiles in denial and shit like that and then read about how lolicon is illegal and how it depicts cartoon children and I just. I'm scared, I'm not attracted to children or even hentai and this confuses me so much. For the past year at least I've watched normal porn, I've got a girlfriend, we're active together, if I'm watching porn I'm thinking of what I want to do to her. I'm scared to talk to many people about it because I don't want to be called something I'm not. I don't know if it's that POCD shit or what. I just know I don't like children. Please help me, I can offer more details if needed, I'm just desperate for answers.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Maybe you are going through a phase of self questioning and worry, but there is not much actual evidence that anything is amiss.

Why not steer clear of porn in general and see how you get on? Give yourself time to reset and think what you want want to think, not what some idiot has produced?

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