Proverbs31:28 Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 I am having a really hard time right now with both anxiety and depression. I wasn't sure which forum to post in so I put it here.I know I haven't been around much but that is mainly because of what has been going on in life.DS9 fell ill almost 3 weeks ago and, thinking it was "more of the same" with him (he has a long medical history) I opted to treat him at home. We saw one of his docs last week for a scheduled check-up and turns out he was sicker than I thought and I just kep treating him like all was ok. His doc said I was "not alarmed enough" by DS's condition which is surprising considering my anxiety issues, right? I guess this is the one area I stay calm and don't flip out because I KNOW he needs me to be strong and stable. But, internally, I am always a mess. Anyway, his doc wants to order more tests and explore additional treatment options for him which is killing me. I finally thought he was doing better and was needing less and less medical intervention and we are just hopping right back on that carousel. And, as I said, I can't let him see me greve this so I bottle it up. I was watching him play with friends the other day and tears just started falling because I kept thinking "WHY? Why is nothing ever simple for him? Why do all these other kids get a normal life and he doesn't?" It just sucks, ya know?To top it off, I had booked a Disney Vacation for my kids and I when I was feeling much better and really thought it would be a good get a way for all of us. I think we all NEED a break from life but with my anxiety rising, I am begininning to wonder if I did the right thing? Am I setting myself up for failure? I just wish I could cancel but I've already paid and its too late to get the money back! I am freaking out about this!I am calling T tomorrow for another appt and have a PDoc appt next week, so I am trying to hold it together until I see them. Hopefully, they will help me see the ever elusive light. I just don't think I can handle anything else right now, especially concerning DS's health. I am terrified they are going to send him out of state again for a work up which means lots of invasive and painful testing. How do I watch him go through that again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Anyone would struggle with a load like that:(. This is a time to take extra care with you. Do you have strategies to pull out in times of greater challenge? Can you go for walks, do yoga, listen to music, do some deep breathing? What works for you these days? You can always write out what is bothering you here:o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confuzzed Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Hey proverbs,Hang in there! You ARE doing the right thing with the Disney trip - it will be great for all of you. And I think it's OK for kids to see parents worry a little bit. You have to let some of it out just for your own health. I think you'd be surprised at what DS may tell you about worrying for him - kids are pretty strong about all that stuff. Finding is right - you need to take care of you. That way you can take care of everyone else. Take care, and let us know how you are. And say "Hi" to Mickey for us!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mabear Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 I am glad you have the support of a therapist. You are strong more than you know. You have the support of this community as well. Please let us know how things are going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Hi Proverbs,I am confused. Who is DS9? I assume its your child. What is wrong? Is it a virus, or something else? Why are tests being ordered? Will the tests interfere with the Disney trip?When my kids were young, we went to Disney and it was enchanting. We talk about it to this day and they are adults now in their thirties. It's a win win trip for all of you.If you believe you messed up by not bringing you child to the doctor soon enough, we have all made that mistake from time to time. It's easy for the doctor to be a judge, it is different to live your situation yourself. Know what I mean? You are too hard on yourself. Try not to be so hard on yourself and do not hide your emotions. If you cry, you can say to your child, "honey, I was so worried about you."We are here for you.Allan :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proverbs31:28 Posted June 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 Allan, DS9 is my son (net lingo= Dear Son, 9 y/o.) He was born with an extremely rare congenital heart defect that has caused him to have a plethora of breathing and feeding problems. He has undergone 3 major surgeries (2 at out of state hospitals) and has had more tests than I can count over the years. His recent illness is very similar to what he was dealing with preoperatively, (breathing problems we thought were corrected by surgery) so the doc wants to know WHY, so she is ordering more tests.The tests will not interefere with Disney- doc said she can do them after we get back. She thinks it would be good for him. T thinks it would be good for me. But, I know me. I know when I am stressed my anxiety is much harder to hide/control and what do I do if I start having anxiety attacks 800 miles from home with 2 kids I need to take care of??? I don't let him see me cry or upset about what is going on because he is extremely sensitive and has a lot of anxiety over his health and testing so if I get upset, he will be 10X more upset.Hi Proverbs,I am confused. Who is DS9? I assume its your child. What is wrong? Is it a virus, or something else? Why are tests being ordered? Will the tests interfere with the Disney trip?When my kids were young, we went to Disney and it was enchanting. We talk about it to this day and they are adults now in their thirties. It's a win win trip for all of you.If you believe you messed up by not bringing you child to the doctor soon enough, we have all made that mistake from time to time. It's easy for the doctor to be a judge, it is different to live your situation yourself. Know what I mean? You are too hard on yourself. Try not to be so hard on yourself and do not hide your emotions. If you cry, you can say to your child, "honey, I was so worried about you."We are here for you.Allan :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted June 29, 2009 Report Share Posted June 29, 2009 (edited) ............deleted Edited February 4, 2010 by JulianP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mabear Posted June 30, 2009 Report Share Posted June 30, 2009 I realize that no parent wants their child to feel responsible for the struggles that you go thru. I would like to suggest that you be honest with you son and just tell him how you are feeling so he can learn that these types of feeling are ok and that there is nothing to be ashamed of. He may be more understanding than you realize and be grateful that you love hm enough to let him be part of all of you including your honest feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted June 30, 2009 Report Share Posted June 30, 2009 (edited) ............deleted Edited February 4, 2010 by JulianP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted June 30, 2009 Report Share Posted June 30, 2009 Hi Proverbs,I guess JP, Mabear and me are repeating ourselves to you because, as parents and human beings, we identify with what you are going through and we support you and want to be there for you.Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proverbs31:28 Posted June 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2009 Thank you, all. I do appreciate your support. I do have friends I can talk to but none are nearby. Sometimes it just helps to know you're heard and understood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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