Trusting a new therapist - concerned

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 14, 2009 by Sunrise

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sunrise,

I do not know the symptoms for which you are seeking psychotherapy but have you considered seeing a psychologist for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy? I am asking because in CBT transference is not explored and the therapy is very specific and goal oriented and is of shorter duration.

Allan

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 1, 2009 by Sunrise

[David O]

Hi Sunrise,

As I read your posts, several random things came to mind, but I'll highlight only a few.

First, it seems you've run the gamut of therapists and approaches and that you have difficulty "settling in" at this time. If I had a patient/client who had gone this route, this would be discussed in some detail in the initial visit.

Secondly, one does not always need long term treatment and in fact, there is some literature that is clear that 75% of those in treatment reach their maximum benefit within the initial 25 sessions, 10% more benefit from <50. Beyond 50 sessions, there are few patients (10-15%) who truly benefit with the occasional insight (Sommers & Satel, 2005, 2006, 2007). This may be one of several points where Allan and I disagree, although I don't doubt his skill and competence as a clinician.

Also, the more difficult thing to point out is that it seems you like therapy and that it is assuming a life of its own (for some in our practice, therapy replaces life so we eventually terminate to increase self reliance). We have found over the decades, and I in particular believe, that we are a nation of overly therapized souls whose therapy has become an eviscerating psychic weight and chore ---- and a skirting/avoidance of self responsibility, self accountability and personal action. I'm not suggesting this is happening with your situation; however, what I am highlighting is that in your case, there seems to be (from my reading) an over-reliance on therapy, insight, and psychological hygiene-- possibly to the point that you need to find the "perfect" therapist to maintain this state.

Sunrise, I realize this sounds completely brutal, insensitive and lacking in compassion-- and yet I think the most compassionate thing may be to to speak honestly even if the words used sound harsh.

Not all of our patients like what they hear, and we are a sensitive an understanding lot-- we are also an honest group who sometimes has to call them out to promote self reliance and self empowerment (all therapy should promote this from the start) -- and this is with the severely and persistently mentally ill.

One final thought, one does not need to know/understand a problem or where it came from to solve it. In fact, we often stress solution finding as opposed to problem identification for many who become bogged down in their own thinking process. The outcome is oftentimes surprisingly more effective and long lasting than traditional approaches.

Good Luck and please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Edited July 15, 2009 by David O

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 1, 2009 by Sunrise

[Sunrise]

I just decided I am no longer going to seek therapy. After this experience, I don't think I can.

[David O]

Good morning sunrise,

There's an old saying you've likely heard: "Not all that is therapy is therapeutic and not all that is therapeutic is therapy!"

Over the decades we've frequently told our clients to slow down on therapy or even end therapy briefly- responsibly of course, and to focus their therapy time (session time and homework time) into providing for others. Some have worked in libraries teaching literacy, others have worked in a domestic violence shelter or soup kitchen, and several have moved on to become "patient advocates" and worked with clients who are new to the system of healthcare and may need a guiding hand, still some have volunteered at the local animal shelter (a favorite). This has given them perspective, an opportunity to contribute to others and serve in ways larger than themselves, and has enriched their lives-- things therapy could never have provided. Would/could this serve a role in your life?

While out there, they also developed better coping skills, learned to look at their issues thru a new set of eyes, some emerged with strength gained from the humility of seeing others also in pain, others met people who finally treated them with respect-- and ended up having another type of "endorphin rush" they couldn't imagine.

Good luck and keep us posted

Edited July 17, 2009 by David O

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 1, 2009 by Sunrise

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 1, 2009 by Sunrise

[Proverbs31:28]

Personally, I have trust issues, especially surrounding men and doctors. Much worse if it is a male doctor! As a result, it takes quite some time to find a therapist or pdoc I trust and have gone through several. I currently have a pdoc I trust beyond reproach and, though I moved 2 hours away, I continue to drive to see him. I tried 2 different docs in my new town but simply did not feel they had my best at heart, like I believe my doc does. Since I only see him every 3-4 months, I don't mind driving to see him. As for a T, though, I needed to see someone weekly or bi-weekly, which is too often to drive to the T I knew and trusted. So, I had to find someone new.

I started by asking someone else I trust (another therapist who is a friend) for recommendations based on therapists who accepted my insurance. From there, I tried one, thinking I'd go thorugh 3-4 before finding someone I clicked with as thats how it had always been. Thankfully, I liked the first one and, with time, have grown to trust her.

Since you trust your current therapist I would at least consult with the folks he recommended to you. Since he knows you and what you need, I would think he would recommend someone who meets your needs. Go in with the attitude that there are other therapists out there and, if this is not the right one, you can keep looking. Don't feel locked in just because of a recommendation. Also, remember that trust is something that is built. It is not immediate so don't be upset if it doesn't come right away.

I hope you do find someone with whom you can open up and be yourself.

[Sunrise]

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Edited August 1, 2009 by Sunrise

[Catmom]

Good morning sunrise,

There's an old saying you've likely heard: "Not all that is therapy is therapeutic and not all that is therapeutic is therapy!"

Over the decades we've frequently told our clients to slow down on therapy or even end therapy briefly- responsibly of course, and to focus their therapy time (session time and homework time) into providing for others. Some have worked in libraries teaching literacy, others have worked in a domestic violence shelter or soup kitchen, and several have moved on to become "patient advocates" and worked with clients who are new to the system of healthcare and may need a guiding hand, still some have volunteered at the local animal shelter (a favorite). This has given them perspective, an opportunity to contribute to others and serve in ways larger than themselves, and has enriched their lives-- things therapy could never have provided. Would/could this serve a role in your life?

While out there, they also developed better coping skills, learned to look at their issues thru a new set of eyes, some emerged with strength gained from the humility of seeing others also in pain, others met people who finally treated them with respect-- and ended up having another type of "endorphin rush" they couldn't imagine.

Good luck and keep us posted

I haven't posted here in quite awhile. I posted most often over a year ago when I was in the throes of feeling very attached to my therapist who told me it was time to terminate.

I got over the worst of that but still see him once a month, because I don't want to feel the pain of absolute termination (to be completely honest).

Anyway, I am between jobs right now and have been wanting to post here again but have just lurked for awhile. Thank you for inspiring me to post something. Your suggestions about giving to the community, instead of taking in the somewhat dependent fashion of a therapy client are wonderful. I am giving thought to what I might do in this regard.

Again, thank you for giving me an idea I had not considered before.

Catmom