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Here I go again.....


concrete_angel
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Let me start by saying I don't care if you read this or even comment on this blog.. I know you have friends that need more support and I know that where ever I go it seems like no one wants to listen to me complain about my little problems..

I notice that the depression is starting to creepy back into my life.. the feeling of worthless at one moment and the feeling of wanting to die the next. I find my self setting and having that feeling of sad, empty feeling enter my soul. I find that I just want to cry and the need to be in the corner of the room on the computer is the only way to soothe my mind and feeling of loneness at the moment. I feel like I have no way of stopping this demon of depression consume my mind and soul. There is no anti-depressant out on the market that I don't have side effects from.. So I set here helpless and in a downward hill to deep depression. The thoughts of killing my self have not start in a daily basic YET.. But in due time that will be the only thing that soothes my mind, is to think about death in all forms. I hope and pray that some day that I can go a long period of time with out the need to think that killing my self is the only way to easy my trouble mind and soul.

Thank you

:(Concrete Angel:(

Edited by concrete_angel
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First we are all here to listen and we will never judge you. We are here to support you, you are important to us all. Depression is not a little complaint problem, it is life changing when you are experiencing this. We understand this. I am sorry there does not appear to be a Rx that you feel you can take, but sometimies we have to choose the lessor. The depression or the side effects? Very rough decision I know, but I just can't stand the empty, lonely feeling and the desire to kill myself.

I am concerned about the thought pattern that you can not change the inevitable, you are not helpless. You can seek out help and support in your area, you can change your thinking to fight mode, you can keep writing to us and letting us help you.

Feeling helpless does not mean things are hopeless, just that we have to look a little harder.

We are here and we care.

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concrete_angel,

mabear is right, we are here to listen, try to understand and offer solace as needed. Depression is one of the toughest things to work around b/c it does create these distortions that make it impossible to step forward. mabear is also right in suggesting that sometimes one needs to choose between the lesser of 2 evils, meds and their side efects or the debilitating effects from depression.

Another option is CBT (cognitive behavior therapy), which has been shown to be as efective as medication for treating most depressions. Have you considered this or been involved in it before? To get an idea, you can buy or check out the Depression Workbook or David Burn's New Mood Therapy: the Feeling Good Handbook. Both help you explore the cognitions that underlay depression and work thru them slowly. It might be a good idea to start now as opposed to waiting too long for the depression to set in deeper.

If you can't get the books ASAP, you can go online and begin reading:

http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/cognitive.htm

http://depression.about.com/cs/psychotherapy/a/cognitive.htm

Good luck and I hope this helps.

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I am sorry the side effects ar so troublesome. I would still encourage you to talk with your professional, there are things that can be done to help the side effects. We care and don't want to see you continue down a difficult and sometimes dangerous path. Whatever we can do to help, please let us know.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Concrete_angel,

I wonder why you believe no one has time to listen to your problems and why others think that your problems are "minor" or unimportant?? Some lousy things must have happened to you either recently, when you were a child or both.

Can you tell us more about yourself and why your depression seems to be creeping back again? It would help us understand you.

Allan :)

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Just a quick thought--- This all leads to one question..., which meds have you been on? Some of the newer meds are not known to have some these side effects (except in rare cases, as an allergic reaction), even at very high dosages. I'm wondering if there may be an issue with the metabolism or if you're on such medications as Prilosec, Tagamet or Zantac (any meds associated with reducing stomach acid), which affects the effectiveness of most meds?

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:(The side effects are as bad as...difficulty breathing, swelling of face, thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, homicide thoughts, sexual problems, chest palpitations, slurring of speech and the list goes on...

Hi Concrete angel,

first of all I like you to know that you are not alone! Secondly , Depression can be hurrendous, especially when left untreated.

Are you seeing a Psychatrist? What kind of Doctor is prescribing you the antidepressants? I ask this because their are so many different types of antidepressants, and mood stablizers to help with this terrible condition.

I am so sorry that your feeling this way and things are so dark in your life. i have Major Depression as well, and it was discovered that some of the depression was caused by a low thyroid problem. A psychatrist is the best Dr. to be following your care, and treatment of medications. I am unsure who has been treating you, and what medications you have tried.

The side affects are significant that you are having, and I don't blame you for not wanting to take the certain meds that have been tried. However, with so many newer medications out there, with less side affects, can make a huge difference with depression.

What antidepressants have given you these bad affects? Maybe is you can tell us, we can try and help with some suggestions.

Depression is horrible, but it can be treated , it is finding the right meds that work best for the individual person . They are not all the same.

mscat

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Just wanted to let you know that no problem is too small, everyone on here is great, I know what it's like to feel so unimportant, I feel it everyday, but the important thing is that you are NOT unimportant, your feelings DO matter, it doesn't matter if you are depressed because you broke a nail even - tell us about that nail! If you want to message I would be more than happy to oblige. I know about using the computer to block out thoughts, I also do that everyday, I say I am 'addicted' to facebook because I am on there everyday, obsessing and paranoid. I also listen to loud music, even when cooking, because it stops me being able to think deeply. People do understand. You are worth something, alot of something. Good Luck x

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