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War against my neighbors


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Hi. This is an issue that's really eating at me at the moment. I wonder if anybody has been in this situation:

My family and I live in a compound along with my husband's relatives and their relatives. Since we started living there, we were always plagued by the relatives' dog crapping and peeing in front of our driveway. Because of this, I have a love-hate relationship with the relatives. It came to a point where we had a gate installed inside the compound just to keep their dog within their premises. But the gate only worked if the people remembered to close the gate behind them. Sometimes I wonder if they really DO forget.

Now, the dog had gotten used to using the compound grounds as its own personal toilet (not its fault). So, when the gate was installed, we were simply just limiting its space to the front of their houses. I don't know if you would call THAT toilet-trained. And the dog is unruly, to say the least. I even heard that when it got angry it even got back to its owner by peeing and crapping on the bed. And now, the gate is open more often than not, and even though the owner (a lady) cleans our driveway whenever her dog was "able to get away," I still often end up doing the cleaning as I couldn't wait for them to do it. Sometimes when I didn't want to clean, I would encircle the poop and pee in chalk so it was easy for them to see. But I just realized that they might interpret it as consenting on my part, when it's far from it! I tried suggesting that they tie the dog up, but they wouldn't have it. Just yesterday, I tried to be friendly and casual in reminding the owner about keeping the gate closed. And the gate remained closed, at least for most of the day. I didn't DARE check anymore tonight, for fear of seeing our driveway wet from splashing water after their dog had pooped there.

I've already thought of reporting these people to our village government so that they will be forced to tie the dog up. But I am not confident that they will DO something about it. It's THAT bad here in our part of the world. The other thing I was thinking is documenting the deed in video and then threatening to go public with it---youtube, whatever!---and expose them, ALL of them.

I'd appreciate all your thoughts on this.

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Every dog owner needs to take full responsibility for their dog. In the US , we have pooper scoppers, dog bags and everything their needs to be to clean up after dogs. I agree that the dog should not be allowed to poop anywhere without the owner cleaning up afterwards. the bigger the dog the bigger mess.

The dog should not be allowed to be wandering free, and pooping on neighbors propperty.

I think any act of posistive reinforcement on your part , will be a great benifit to you and the neighbor. try to limit negative confrontations , by staying positive to have them work with you in this manner.

Alternatives to the problem, popper scoopers , and doggie bags for them to use . It is the dog owners responsibilty. It should not be interrfering with anther family's dwellings , or cleaniliness on anyone elses' property.

Have you asked the neighbor to clean up after their dog when it poos in your yard? Dogs do not know any better, but the dog owner should.

Keep trying to solve the matter with them in a positive way. Every dog owner loves their dog, but needs to respect others, and be responisble. Hand the neighbors a pooper scooper , help them understand that it is their responsibilty to clean up after the dog. Not everybody else.

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Thanks for your replies, JP and Mscat.

First off, I'd like to answer JP's question. Yes, I believe there is something behind all this. Actually, the property where we live in was supposed to have been theirs. Unfortunately due to financial reasons they were behind payment and so the previous owner got the property back from them, but only after they made a deal that they will be allowed to continue living there and that they will not pay any rent. And now, with us being the new owners of the place, they are still here living with us because we were bound by this agreement as well. And I should note that we are all relatives here, including the previous owner, who happened to be my husband's mom. Does this make sense??? (It's so hard to explain.)

So, in a sense I understand that they lived here long before we did, therefore their dog is used to doing its business right on our driveway. It's also possible that the lady of the house still feels that this is THEIR property, that probably it was taken from them unfairly, thus there is probably a feeling of resentment.

To answer Mscat, I would have a friendly talk with them, but I am so bad at this. I can't say what's in my heart without getting too emotional. I did confront them with it, but it ended with bad feelings on both sides. That was about a year ago. We've been avoiding a confrontation with each other since then.

If it weren't for the gate that we installed, the pooping probably wouldn't have lessened, and I would be in awful terms with everyone here in this compound.

My husband suggested that we buy them a body harness for their dog for Christmas so they can restrict its movements and not restrict his neck.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi OCDmom,

What came across to me from the first post on this issue is that you and your husband have not taken the first and most important step: Talk to them.

Now, you said in a later post that talking to people about this type of thing is very difficult for you. Why? I suspect, educated guess wise, is that you fear an argument or hostility. However, there need be no hostility. You know, this reminds me of an old joke that goes something like this:

A man runs out of gas in his car. He takes out his empty gas can and walks a couple of miles to the nearest gas station. Along the way, he expects that the attendant at the station will not be cooperative. In fact, in his head, he begins to imagine the attendant being really nasty to him. As he walks along, he gets angrier and angrier thinking about this. Ok, so, he gets to the station, now fuming with anger, walks up to the attendant and says to him, "You SOB, how dare you not help me!!!

See my point? It seems to me that the only war you have with your neighbor is in your own imagination. Talk to them, in a nice way, without anger or accusation. I find, in my personal experience, that people want to be helpful and are often either not aware or only semis aware and just absent minded.


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Thanks for your post, Allan. Actually, this issue with the dog is not new. The former owner of the compound---my mother-in-law---had the same problem, years even before we lived there. She called their attention, already showed anger towards the owner so many times. Unfortunately, they've been "absent minded" for too long. And now, I have inherited this problem.

And I would want to talk with them in a nice way, but I am too emotional already to remain civil with them. And I already talked to the owner before (please see my earlier posts), it didn't work.

I'm inclined to go with what JP says, that there's a reason behind this behavior. It's either that or they are just plain irresponsible. I've already started to make a front-and-back sign that says, PLEASE, ALWAYS CLOSE THE GATE. THANK YOU. Hopefully I will put it up soon.

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hi OCDmom, have you ever tried using any of the products which stop dogs using your grounds as a toilet? ive used them in the past and found them effective, they're mostly chemical based but i think you can get natural products they dont harm animals in anyway (i think it's something in the scent that deters them) and they do prevent animals from fouling.

The products are legal you're within your rights to use them, they are the one's in the wrong they're actually breaking the law.

They wouldnt even have to know you put it down :)

it might not stop your r/ship problems with your neighbours/relatives but it would stop the mess.

just a thought anyway.

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Thanks for your post, Donna! In my country I'm sure there are laws that apply to this dog issue. They're not always being enforced, but I'm sure there ARE laws. There's nothing I can do about that right now, but I WILL check out those products that you mentioned. Thanks again! :)

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