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Practical Help.


nearlydead
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Here are some links that may be of help.

http://www.thevisualiser.net/#

Enter your stats and compare yourself to the results from various size surveys, helps you appreciate where you really stand in the order of things, also some usefull information on surveys.

http://www.pegym.com/

Penis enlargement site, Jelqing, may or may not be hocus, but the forums seem positive.

http://www.measurection.com/

Small penis communtiy, straight and gay mens support site.

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Thanks Nearlydead,

Measurection.com is a great website. Guys with feelings of inadequacy should definitely go and have a read. I was wrong in my previous posts. There are thousands of men with below average dicks. However I was right we all have difficulty coping. I was right when I said many girls are not concerned if you have a small one. So if you have a small one, don’t worry you can have a great relationship and great sex with your partner who will be very satisfied with you…believe it… it’s true.

However Nearlydead, since you have a lot of experience with many women (approx 50 or so) and with what you know now… I get this feeling you are very well informed on all aspects of this topic… Do you think that maybe if you knew back then what you know now that you would be in a relationship? For example, maybe you would have believed one of the girls who may have said to you she was not bothered by the size of your penis and that you believed this?

I agree with you though. Having a small penis sucks, and that will never really go away. But life is so much more than that. And if you feel that it has become everything and the only thing that takes up your thoughts maybe you should use your knowledge and help others who need help. I think you would be very qualified to help others.

Here is another blog I cam across http://smallpenistherapy.blogspot.com

It’s a former sex therapist woman who has a fetish for smaller men. I found it to be interesting.

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Yeah, sometimes I have these rational days, and I do think things could of been different. Rationally I know size is a bigger problem for me, than any women I have slept with. Truly believeing it is the real trick though.

But having a small cock is not all about sex, it is also about how the anger, shame, guilt etc has ruined my life (or how I have let it ruin my life) Now its too late.

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Nearlydead,

Can I do you a favor and send that to him in Private Messaging for you?

You don't want all the crawlbots in the world knowing your e-mail, unless you have spam filtering powerful enough to handle the load. ;-)

[EDIT]I sent it to him in PM, and I'm going to remove it from your message so you don't get inundated by spam. People can still e-mail you by going to your profile and sending from there.[/EDIT]

Edited by malign
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  • 3 weeks later...

This is from a different board. I hope it okay to put here.

1) ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

2) OVER-GENERALIZATION

3) MENTAL FILTER

4) DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE

5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS:

6) MAGNIFICATION (CASTASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION

7) EMOTIONAL REASONING

8) SHOULD STATEMENTS

9) LABELING AND MISLABELING

10) PERSONALIZATION

Explanations:

1) You see things in black or white categories. If your effort or performance falls short of "perfect" you see yourself as a total failure. This "either-or" thinking habit may result in self-recrimination or anxiety.

2) You view a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. For example, you think that a friends' inconsiderate response means that there is no caring for you, even when there have been other examples of consideration.

3) You pick out single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your perception becomes distorted. For example, a person focuses on one negative comment and ignores any of more neutral or positive feedback.

4) You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or another. In this way, you maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. For instance, you don't believe a compliment because you think it is said just to be nice.

5) You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion.

a.) MIND READING You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and don't bother to check it out. "I just know he/she thought I was an idiot." even though he/she acted nicely.

;) THE FORTUNE TELLER ERROR: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel that, "I just know I am not going to get the job I want."

6) You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desireable qualities or the other person's imperfections.)

7) You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

8) You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "shouldn't" , as if you have to be whippped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also issues. The emotional result is feeling guilty.

9) This is an extreme example of over-generalization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."

10.) You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which in fact you were not primarily responsible.

HOW TO UNTWIST YOUR THINKING:

This comes from Dr David Burns and is in his book "The Feeling Good Handbook, revised edition."

1 IDENTIFY THE DISTORTION Write down your negative thoughts so you can see in which of the 10 cognitive distortions you're involved. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.

2 EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.

3 THE DOUBLE-STANDARD METHOD Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same

compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.

4 THE EXPERIMENTAL TECHNIQUE Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you're about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.

5 THINKING IN SHADES OF GRAY Although this method might sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, reevaluate things on a range from 0 to 100. When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete falure. See what you can learn from the situation.

6. THE SURVEY METHOD Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.

7. DEFINE TERMS When you label yourself "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser," ask, "What is the definition of 'a fool'?" You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as "a fool" or "a loser."

8. THE SEMANTIC METHOD Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for "should statements." Instead of telling yourself "I shouldn't have made that mistake," you can say, "It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake."

9. RE-ATTRIBUTION Instead of automatically assuming that you are "bad" and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.

10. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like becoming angry when your plane is late,) a negative thought (like "No matter how hard I try, I always mess up, ") or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you're depressed.) You can also use the Cost-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, "I must always try to be perfect."

Edited by IrmaJean
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Lifeless said:

"What I'm finding out now from these discussions is that I have so many emotional problems, even if I woke up tomorrow with a normal penis, I still wouldn't be acceptable to the opposite sex. What woman wants to be with a head case?"

1.2.3.4.5.6. 8.9.10. Can you see/find how these numbers can be found in the above?

From Irma's info, you quoted no.6, and I see why.

But I interpret your response to the survey as No. 6) MAGNIFICATION (CASTASTROPHIZING)

This is the same trouble I had with these thinking patterns. The trick is not to take the explanations of twisted thinking as literal, they have to be applied and tweaked to each of OUR OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS, does that make sense?

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You're magnifying #6. What about the rest?

I think ND meant that you were doing this...

6) You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desireable qualities or the other person's imperfections.)

Edited by IrmaJean
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