What did I do to deserve this?

[harp]

I'm going fuck hunting tomorrow. What's probably going to happen is the crazy bitch is going to panic and start looking for me, and call the cops on me. If the cops find me they can put me in the psych ward, so I'll have to be careful. Hopefully I'll find someone who'll comfort me, provide me with affection and lift me up from all the bullshit I'm in right now, give me a break from it.

Wish me luck guys kthnx.

[JustTrying]

I hope you find what you are looking for.... However, I don't think that is REALLY what you are looking for. Lack of affection in a relationship can be devistating. I know, I live in a marriage that is more like room mates... although we have seperate bedrooms.....

Anywho.... hope you get to feeling better.

JT

[SweetSue]

Do you think that in doing this it will make things better for you in someway ?

you say that this would give you a break from what you are going through at the moment, are you sure it wouldnt make you feel worse about yourself afterward ?

[David O]

Good morning Oak,

I’ve read likely thru all 30+ of your posts and began to develop some ideas about what’s going on here. There is a strong and consistent pattern in what you say about your family and even to us on the forum. You started by referring to us as a “bunch of fuckers!” on your first 4-6 posts. You’ve referred to your mother a few times (I think that’s what she is), as a “crazy bitch… she’s not my mother” because you "hate” her. You then proceeded to refer to one of our family members, Jj as, “ ignorant” and told her to “SHUT UP!”(and yet even as of this morning she has responded in kindness and gentleness to you).

Overall, the picture is one where you repeatedly blame, look outside and point the finger at others--- what they’re doing, what they’re not doing but should have been doing, what they should have done, what they did that somehow has hurt you. It feels to me as if you treat those around you, even those you don’t know, with great contempt, scorn, disregard and disrespect.

And it seems, based solely on the words you use on this forum, that you have yet to look at yourself—after all, you’re the common denominator in all of these events with all of these different people. To take yourself out of the equation and only see that others are hurting you (even when they’re not and are trying to be helpful and kind) and yet not see that your words and actions are hurting others and resulting in them no trusting you, is to live in a world where you constantly are in conflict and tension with those around you, and yourself.

The “crazy bitch” who will likely panic if she finds out you’ve disappeared, may be doing so b/c she knows what you’re capable of doing and what you’re like. Her behavior may seem crazy, but I see her panic and noise as an effort to keep you out of trouble (why else would you be confined to your home by the authorities?) and out of the hospital or away from the police.

While you might toss what I say out the window and ignore it, my thinking is that until you accept self responsibility, learn to regulate your behavior and words, and treat others with respect, you will be in constant conflict with those around you (minus your “friends”). Fail to learn this basic life lesson and you’ll have trouble your entire life! My hope is that you’ll accept the challenge: my sense is that you won’t.

Oak, please understand that I’m not trying to be insensitive and mean-spirited. I think compassion and caring sometimes means one has to tell the truth as they see it—my truth is coming ONLY from what you write.

Good luck and I hope you read these words carefully,

David

Edited October 18, 2009 by David O