Parents That Drive Me Crazy!

[Guest GingerSnap]

This is my rant about parents that I think are doing not that darn good of job. First, we have those whose families care so much about them yet, one of the parents is having an affair, spending hours on the computer or out with friends all the time, well, where does that person find the time for a wife, a mistress, going out with the gang, spending hours at the computer and the kids! Would not a good parent be spending that time with the kids! Parents should be setting an example - good example. I was talking to a single mother whose child is if I remember right was bipolar and has oppositional defiance behavioral disorder and recently came back from the state hospital because she and the school were unable to handle him and she said "He has broken 2 of my cells phones and threw away my cigarettes". I asked "why" and she said "He broke my cell phones because I text all the time and don't pay any attention to him, which is true and threw away my cigarettes because he doesn't want me to get cancer and die as a relative just had." She went on to say a friend told her not to let the son control her. We talked some and she ended up saying "I really need to not text so much and I want to quit smoking so maybe I should make an appointment and get some help with that. This really is a good person but she really needs guidance and it is hard to get, I know this. The other case which drives me totally nuts is a mother of a 17 year old who has Asperger's and ADHD. He was sent away to a special school because he attacked a teacher and some others kids. He is not a good student at all and the whole set-up that school is, just isn't him. So, now he is getting his GED and she said "Well, after he gets his GED the family wants him to attend the State college." I said "Well, tech school is good too." She said that he has a real interest in carpentry (which is a desperately needed trade where we are) but that they hoped he went on to get a bachelor's degree - but I am thinking "What about what he wants." She also said that he gets very angry because she spends the evening on the internet and he wants to talk or play board games, and she admits that she really should be giving him more attention. So, I just want to scream that these parents had these kids and don't take the responsibility seriously. I keep thinking about the turtles I saw on TV, just lay the eggs and go back to their life in sea but they are turtles! And, Sue (Jj), if you read this - you aren't one of these parents that I am talking about and you could teach them all a lesson or two about really caring about their kids and that is why I wish I could be of more help to you and pray that your kids are home again soon with their loving mother. Cathy

[SweetSue]

Hey Cathy,

Sad fact of some peoples life is that children become a hindrence on there life, or worse still they become a toy, a possesion, that can be ordered about and "do as I say not as I do " attitude, "speak when youre spoken to", "do it or else", knpwing damn well what "what else meant" but thiss is just a sensitive subject for me. My moma and papa, were not nice people, and abused and used me and sis 24/7.

Thats probably why I do LOVE my children so very much, have always been over protective of them, and always, always done the best for them. my children always come FIRST. Guess that should be "came" now eh ?

I have let my babies down, I became ILL. I screwed our lifes up when I went for help for MYSELF. I can never forgive myself, nor expect anyone else too. All i pray is that somehow, one day, I will be allowed to care and Love and show my love to my children once again.

My kids love me, and I them. this is a veery cruel world, It winds me up when I see/or hear of bad things happen to children. It crushes me, but who am I to judge, when I have screwed up so terribly myself.

The joys of this so called life

take care hun

sue

[SweetSue]

ps, me again sorry

Thanks for your prayers for my family Cathy.

[Guest GingerSnap]

Sue: We are having a really hard time agreeing on a couple things here and, I'm always right so, really do you have a chance here with me! First of all, I don't like this: "Thats probably why I do LOVE my children so very much, have always been over protective of them, and always, always done the best for them. my children always come FIRST. Guess that should be "came" now eh ?" the part about "came" - you know that is not right, they were first, are first and will continue to be first in your life. One down. The other is that by getting help, you some how short changed them and let them down. OK, I'll tell you one of my secrets here, my son's birthmother had a serious mental illness (one of those that is inherited and her mother died institutionalized as in there for years) and she had my son, wasn't sure who the father was but they did determine it and had planned to give him up for adoption before she found out that he had DS. She did this voluntarily before a judge. Well, she was not to know who we were and not to make contact. I was always afraid someone was watching our house and would check the streets, check the locks before leaving home every morning. Just recently I did some research. His birth mother had tracked us down and lived 5 blocks from our house and I read the online diary of my son's birth sister, - it was very dark and very sad and she was just a little girl and her mother chose not to get help and this was not a good thing for the mother to chose, very bad thing. We moved from that location never knowing that they were there until recently. You did the right thing for the right reasons. I begged my husband when my older son was at home to make sure that neither my ex-husband or mother got my beautiful son - a fate worse than death and he promised he would do anything to keep that from happening. You know my kindergarten teacher wrote on my report card "Gives Up Too Easily" - gosh, I guess I changed.

[mscat]

Cathy,

That is creepy.... Very familiar story though to me. hits rather close to home> my brothers and I were all taken away , from our birth parents at a young age , due to extreme neglect and abuse . All 5 of us The under the age of 5. I was the only girl. Our natural parents took away with the youngest one , which was an infant at the time. I was just 3. We were all split up and placed in foster homes. Every single one of us had major developmental delays , and were more like babies, + totally "wild" like . Mainly because we were stuck in a car all the time , or when in trouble placed in dark closets , left just to scream . we were dirty and always hungry. Starved , more like it. A very bad way to start life out.

My names were constantly changed. Because back in those days if the family had more children they could claim , they could get more money on welfare. So that is what they did. Cathy was the last name I knew. That is how I became a Cathy. not at all my birth name.

both natural parents were the abusers , however it was our father who was the worst.

In foster care I did not fare out much better, but stayed put. However the "foster" mother after a while did not like me, took her crap out on me . Just built more shit on me for me to deal with that I never understood. I became her scape goat. And it terrified me. I was humilated , and so afraid of her , I could do nothing ever right . She made it clear at a young age that I was nothing.

And she scared me. I was also a child who did not handle touch well. Did not lke to be hugged and stuff. The family also had three of their own kids , and I became the youngest in this family. In my natural family I was the middle child.

So the first 3 yrs of my life were bad , than the next 13 yrs were not much better > by age 16, I too I placed in a mental hospital. 3 of them for nearly 2 years. I than was placed in a group home. Right before the hospital stay I begun an ED, then gained weight, I got out lost weight, that was the start of a ED. it contiuned for anther 8 more years. I became very , very sick with anorexia, and bulimia. It just got worse and worse.

I went back home to my foster family at 19. then the ED became very severe.

Most of my life has been riddled with crap , and abuse, in one form or the other. I just wrote down my stuff, that was nOT even my child's .

My son, now he is disabled. How the hell can I raise him on my own after what I have been through ??? Well I have for over 16 years.

He helped me stop a lot of these things . I grew up, things shifted, and the focus became all on him. I taught , and worked with children for yrs. I stabilized. Nobody knew of my past.

I did have issues holding down teaching jobs, but always was hired again, it was not about the children , I loved teaching, it was more issues with coworkers , or bossess.

Howwever at 35 I finally came down and crashed. Things changed. And emotionally , I fell hard , things went bad . their was a move, and mentally I just fell apart.

So here I am now back to some old ways of thinking, and thought patterns, bad things happened, I had to take care of the death of my bio father, along with other stuff, can't work right now, and such. Self harm severely, and still barely coping.

But coping. Moved as far away from the foster family as I could.

ANd still my son is number one priority in my life. always has .

[Guest GingerSnap]

mscat: Thank you for sharing that. I really feel for you. I think you are a good mom though as I have read about your concern for your son. I had a bad mom but could work around it with the care and love from others. In our search for a child to adopt, we came across the most horrible things that I never knew existed, things like sexual abuse which, well, what I would do to them would stop it and beatings to where an infant became severely mentally and physically disabled(I am thinking tying them with wet rawhide and staking them in the desert)- I almost feel like society keeps these things hidden and that is bad because people need to know about it so they can keep an eye out for it. You must be terribly strong to have survived that. My heart goes out to you mscat and I hope that some how good things will come your way and for your son too. My best ***I guess maybe once people get really far into whatever that maybe they don't know or even see what they are doing. Sort of like, someone here wonders if they are crazy or too crazy or maybe just too hopeless to post - I am thinking if you were, you wouldn't be here because I don't think the hopeless or the "too crazy" or even "crazy" really look for help, sadly.

Edited October 28, 2009 by GingerSnap

[SweetSue]

Hey Cathy, and Cathy,

OK,

Cathy (GingerSnap). Thankyou for your kind words. i was feeling preetty low when I responded to this thread, propably should have left it till I was a bit, happier in myself ~sorry. Yep, you are right (coz you usually are anyway) my kids will always come first and always will no matter what the future holds for us as a family. and yea ok your rightt on the next thing too, I just have my doubts in myself and some times just cant hide what naggs at me all the time, thats the part of the what ifs, and if onlys (i guess).

Oh and on one of my school reports (from when I was 6) Mrs Gragg, wrote, I had a keen sense of humour that will stay with me through life......

I guess sometimes teachers can be right (occasionally)

Hi Cathy (mscat)

Hope you are feeling a little better hun, my thoughts are with you, and that teenage son of yours !!!! Hows Miely doing ?

you know both our childhoods were similar in a lot of respects, but you know your stronger than you realise Cathy, and I hope soon things get easier for you. Parents eh, pity you cant choose the ones you get sometimes................

Any way, Cathy and Cathy

Hope all is well,

take care

sue