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Mike, Depression/Anxiety and social phobia


NO-One
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Hi. Im Mike. I suffer from General Anxiety disorder I believe, which is linked to my depression symptoms.

Been through a few Psychologists/psychiatrists

Current medications Im taking-cymbalta(90mg), seroquel xr(200mg) and 0.5 mg of a tranquilizer which I can't recall the name to.

Former medications-Zoloft, celexa, cipralex, and effexor xr.

Its been almost three years since I last truly felt like myself. I only found out about the anxiety part of the equation recently. I think that is what is getting in my way from getting better.

February 14(12,13 ?) of 2007 is when things came to a head for me. Was out of High School for almost half a year by then(or more ?) months leading up to it I felt alone. Had little to no friends. No one I could consider a close friend. Barely went out. Found trying to work difficult. ended up cutting myself around November/December 2006. Felt miserable but still felt like myself. Remember feeling like crap because I didn't know what to do with myself, where to go, etc...Memories of School haunting me. Hated it. Hated the loneliness. Hated the People. A good few were nice to me and all and people knew me but it just stayed in school. I felt so alone. This is all past know. Might pertain to where I'm going next though. I became depressed while I was reading comic books. That was the thing I was most into at the time. I was a big fan of DC comics in particular. I was reading this Marvel comics hardcover I'd bought and I just thought, what if they are better? I don't know why but I think its more the chemical imbalance in my brain that triggered this but I became depressed there after. I didn't know weather to stop reading them or not because I was so afraid of loosing it. Leading up to this I was on Effexor xr for a month. Connection? Probably not but seems worth a mention. Before that I wasn't on anything for the past few months since summer. I remember being on Message boards a lot for comics and people used to bother me more, way more after it happened. I still hate the internet, people are tools. anyway went through months thinking I had got some unknown brain disorder. That I was a fucking loser for feeling depressed over something so small. I couldn't(can't) enjoy life the same as I used to. The anxiety part is/has lasted years because I don't know it feels different than when I was depressed. The sensations felt like my head was in a vice and there was at one point intense pressure on either side of my head. It has since been a discomfort/ lesser pain but that is where I feel it and sometimes in the back of my my head/neck. I feel numb, detached, emotionally, mentally, sexually. My Grandmother died and I couldn't feel anything except this agitation that still persists to this day. I find it odd how she always said she didn't want me to feel too bad when she went. This sensation is triggered by thoughts like I find it hard looking at Spider-man/ Batman/ Superman etc or comics in general the same way and sometimes just seeing them on TV or whatever just brings on these bad feelings. I used to and still its hard for me to read or pick up a book like I used to. I keep feeling this pain is ruining everything little by little. Even when I play Video games/ watch TV whatever. The Internet and peoples negative comments about anything bothers me and I feel I am in such a hopeless rutt. Like I will just think a small critique on something and my brain convinces me I ruined it because of that. And again there is all that beatting up on IM a big fucking loser and what would people think of me etc. All those jack ass kids from school. I sometimes worry that its hard to laugh at anything because I am the biggest joke of all. My dreams feel so miserable sometimes because Its like I am aware people feel different than me and I may be stuck here forever because I have only come inches and haven't gotten that full relief I deserve. I have since found it harder to concentrate and its like that concept is lost on me, that and the concept of Boredom and happiness. I feel tremendous guilt over things. For Example Stealing $10 from my sister years ago or some un thoughtful thing I said on the internet that made someone mad and insult me. I sometimes think its these things are why I suffer. Sometimes I think its like Im possessed, like its super natural and I will never figure it out.

Please, all I want to know if these thoughts(the thing about the comics that set me off but again I think it all is chemical imbalance and that is hard to convince yourself sometimes) aren't weird or freakish or abnormal. I want someone who has been there. some help on how they got better. Please reply.

Edited by NO-One
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Hi Mike

I fully understand what you are going through. I also have social anxiety, and school was very difficult for me too. I missed a lot of days through it.

It is dreadful feeling lonely in a crowd. I suspect you are a lot younger than me (I'm 46). I have only recently - in the last year - had my diagnosis. I am now having CBT for the social anxiety and it has made a difference.

As for the effexor, I have been on it for the past 3 years with no ill-effects, but I have heard other people say that it did not suit them.

Have you been offered any type of Psychotherapy? . I think this is something you should consider.

Best wishes and take care.

Goose

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Hi mike,

I am very sorry you are suffering. Rememer it is very importsnt to contiune trestment . Some type of therapy and medication adustment when necesscary is vital . All of this takes time too. Finding a good treatment program that is individulaized , is what works best and following through with the plan is the only way that you will be able to start feeling better.

Medication alone , and being on the same medications without follow up care is not going to help you. A psychatrist needs to know your history so he/she will be able to treat you and your symtoms the right way. Sometimes a Psych. Dr. will order blood tests to see if their needed changes or to see if the chemicals in your body are functioning correctly. Even slight or being low on certain things can off balance the brain chemicals . Than the Dr can easily treat that too. Certain Vitamins can do this too.

My Psychatrist is good at this , and not all medications are just psych meds. Even Antidepressants sometimes need to be adjusted , especially if they are not working as well as they are suppose to. Or a mood stabilizer can be added .

When you wrote in your post I saw that you had put yourself down a lot. Low self image, and to me it looked like you have a very low self esteem. Common in people who suffer from depression.

I myself, have a diagnoses of major depression, and stopped leaving the house too. So you are not alone. Maybe the comic books is just something you really like. That is ok. Ok , because if it is something you enjoy, which a lot of people do, than that is cool . Many people have a passion for things like that.

And yes, their are a lot of mean spirited people over the internet. Just because people can be, and don't know others , they do , and say things more freely then they would if they would face to face .

Please try and get the support services you need and desevere. It needs to be ongoing.

mscat

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  • 2 weeks later...

Why would Comics set me off. Like its one of the hardest things Ive had to deal with and made/makes me feel like shit because I can't enjoy what I once loved anymore and what other strange thoughts can you end up feel sad over or have you felt depression over something that just seems weird or different?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi No-One,

I am always interested in the names people choose for themselves here. I want to tell you immediately that you are not no one because are someone.

I also want to ask you if you have been offered psychotherapy. You mention that you have been to see a number of psychologists and psychiatrists in the last few years.

Well, psychiatrists can do the medication thing and that can be important. However, medication alone will not solve your problems. You need to be in psychotherapy, whether its Cognitive Behavioral or Psychodynamic. Being in group therapy at the same time would also probably help you.

Why have you moved from psychologist to psychologist rather than working with one and working on your problems?

Allan:)

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I have. I didn't like one doctor I was seeing at all, and the ones I talked to like the first one, I was seeing in 2006 he was terrible for me and he followed that whole behavioral psychotherapy pattern, I found it useless.

The one I am seeing now is the best one I can be seeing and Im only seeing him because talking to others and if they suggest something else it isn't correct.

Im thinking a group would help. I was in a group for my social anxiety which I found both pointless and useless. Mainy because I don't give a fuck about it because what I am dealing with is much more worse. But a group for depression may help or anxiety.

also I have just started Lithium.

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