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Just...Dont know what to do with myself


SweetSue
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Jj , I'm having similar thoughts at the moment, especially over reacting to the smallest things, having extreme ideas about strange thoughts.

I saw my therapist this morning, promised myself I wasn't going to cry - hardly lasted 5 minutes. He did help me a lot though.

At the moment when I look to the future there is nothing there, so I have decided to take one day at a time.

One good point that he did make this morning was that if I find myself doing something or thinking something that makes me unhappy to try to stop and do something that makes me happy. To me that would include talking to you all here or maybe reading a book.

Don't worry about the world passing you by, it will be still there when you are ready.

Goose

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No it doesnt sound ridiculous at all, there's rarely a day goes by when i dont feel like that and wonder whats the point and it stinks, but we are one of the lucky ones..we do have a point, our children :rolleyes:

you are the same person you used to be, you've had the stuffing knocked out of you but you will get your wind back and get back to where you were.

re-read your signature :(

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I identify so much with this entry.

Back in January, after a prolonged depression and anxiety, I started experiencing strange feelings of depersonalization and this weird fear of myself and my own consciousness. This morphed into an all-out desire to simply ‘get away from myself’. The thought of doing normal things like spending time with friends, going out to parties, fills me with fear, not because of something external out there that's going to 'get me' or hurt me, but because I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and I don't feel like I am able to socialize with my friends like I used to. I feel like I'm faking my way through every conversation, while my thoughts are preoccupied with how I'm feeling and how I am so different from everyone else.

I have been hospitalized twice and am currently attending a DBT group for people with BPD (I’m still not sure that I have it), but it takes so much effort for me to get out of bed and do things. I used to be so social and outgoing, pretty, popular and a high achiever. Now, I can’t figure out what to do with myself when I have free time. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin that I don’t want to socialize and connect with people. I avoid calls from my friends and break plans with people on a regular basis. My thoughts and desires to disengage from myself and not spend time with myself are so strong that I would rather crawl into bed and sleep than be conscious and dealing with them. I take Prozac and Seroquel, but I’ve also tried Remeron, Paxil, Effexor and Risperidol.

Does anyone else have an experience like this?

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Guest GingerSnap

Sue: Wish I had an answer. I can't even come up with the answers that I need. Bad things happen to good people all the time and I don't know why. It doesn't seem fair. Sometimes we all hang by a thread though. When I look in the mirror, I see in my eyes the person that I always was but other than that I see someone that is very tired and sort of sloppy which I didn't used to be. No use to really try to look better while imprisoned with the monster here. So, gosh, the future has to hold something better, just has to. I am an optimistic and that is what saves my sanity or at least what I have left after all these years. Can you expect to feel like you where you are at this point? Probably not. Just keep trying to hold on to hope so as I am "Grandma Cathy", you will someday be "Grandma Sue" - it takes some getting used to, I think "Grandma" no way!

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Guest existindeath

Ha ha... I just have to laugh here... not at you but because I can relate. "Do you ever feel like What the heck am I doing" While yes sometimes I do ask that question and sadly sometimes you do mess up.

"Wonder whether there is any point to anything at all"... sometimes I want to escape and take to the hills cause I can't see a point. Though that may be normal at times as you are reevaluating your life its meaning; purpose etc... then it turns into what the hell am I going to do now kind of thoughts. I cry out loud for excitement; adventure; ... hmm *throws paper planes*... time to get away.

The exploding heart thing may be feelings of depression or anxiety if its racing. The rest sounds like your in the dumps. Just don't play to close to those trash bins you don't belong there.

"Don't remember if you done it"... happens...could be meds... could be your thinking about something else at the time and just forgot since it was not a priority or depression. How that echo's in the my mind.

I once had someone say "your not the same person you used to be"... that really hurt cause I am that person ... but at the same time you question that yourself because you don't feel the same. Lets face it... this mental stuff does take its toll one way or another and these meds are mind messing at times. Not to mention your mood does a blender on the ole head.

The simple things that freak you out sounds like anxiety and worry. This would be a good time for you to seek out some enjoyments and relax. Refresh your spirit and mind and stop thinking negatively. Just know that in time this should pass and you will feel better once again.

You are not alone as others have traveled down that road.

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it really does sound alot like what I'm going through..

Strange thoughts, violent thoughts really. Shifting personalities randomly, and forgetting days. I've been breaking down randomly for what seems like no reason, but everything seems so.. terrible, even though my life in terms is perfectly fine.

((despite some minor things))

Does this sound like what you feel like at all?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Alxias,

Could you tell us more about your self. I realize you probably did this elsewhere on our site but, as this is a different forum, it might make it easier. How long have you experienced your symptoms? Were you abused as a youngster or have you experienced trauma?

Allan :)

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  • 1 month later...

@ASchwartz

Hello.

Sorry it has taken so long for me to reply.

I have trouble managing to get online to actually do much of anything besides college work.

As when it comes to being abused,

Not physically.

Mentally I believe so.

My sister is 3 years younger than I.

She's smarter, prettier, and well, The favorite.

I'm 19.

I'm in a technical college because I didn't have the grades, or money to go anywhere else, but wasn't the kind of person to be stuck in my current job, Mcdonalds, two years and running, forever. I have Firbromialgia, ADD, ADHD, Chrones, and Multiple personality disorder.

We'll say I'm the little deformality of the family.

I tend to forget days in a whole.

I mean I can't remember them ever taking place.

For a while,

I took the caladar off the wall.

None of it made sense to me. I ((in the time I hadn't replied)) have gotten used to having more than one 'me' in my head. I stay away from foods that mess with my chrones. As for the constant pain? Well.. it's still there, I just don't think I feel pain the same way others can anymore.

Am I insane?

Basically I believe so. But What can I do to stop it?

Oh, and a point?

I'm not medicated on any of the diag's anymore.

I can't afford it.

Thanks for taking an intrest:

Ally

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  • 5 months later...

Amazing how you can describe the way it feels. I've felt like this the past 8 months or something, and still feel the same.

At times when I'm with others (just an example) I feel like I'm just watching myself from a distance, and nothing gets to me. It's, indeed, just rushing by. I just have no control over what I'm doing. Afterwards, when I'm on my own listening to music, I think 'What the hell did I do? I didn't mean too' or something like that.

It just feels strange.

But I'm very glad I found others that feel the exact same way as I do.

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