The Easy Answer ~ I Dont Know

[SweetSue]

When my "T" or a nurse here asks me a question, one that really should be answered, I clam up like a Womble. And end up writing "I dont know"

Even though I really need and want to answer, something inside me just wont allow me to, and I chicken out.

[Donna]

hi

i do that all the time! it actually feels like a physical block, i find myself just staring at something for eg a chair and reciting chair chair chair in my head lol i dont even blink until finally i feel my eyes watering...then all i can say is i dont know ,over and over or shrug my shoulders and act cocky like i dont care or worse start swearing and ranting

i think it's a defence mechanism,like a barrier that suddenly comes down between you and the person questioning you - a way of not letting yourself becoming vulnerable and maybe a trust issue?

I know it's easier said than done but if you can somehow find a way to let that defence down a little bit and try to place some trust in your therapist or nurse maybe that would help a bit?

i dont have any great solution sorry..just throwing a thought out,

Take care, Donna.

Edited November 9, 2009 by Donna

[mscat]

Maybe the question is just too personal to answer? Or embarrering? or is it becasue it is uncomforable to respond ? Or is it that your not truting yourself to answer in an honest manner , therfore it is better not to reply at all?

I am just throwing a few possibilities out there? I too believe it could be a defense mechinism that you have learned to protect yourself, possibly to protect yourself from saying something "you may regret later later?"

I use to do this all the time. I use to be extremely scared of talking to others , especially to those who imtimadated me, or who had some tyoe autority over me, for fear that they were judging me somehow, therefor the answer :I don't know: was always a great reply . Because it was an answer that did not teel them anything at all.

Perhaps, taking small steps in replying when a question is asked , besides saying I don't know, say I do not know what to say..... Or I am unsure how to answer , would be a better , more truthful reply? If that is something more suitable , or comfortable for you?

One thing that I am absolutely terrible with personnaly is, eye contact. I just can't do it well. I try , but i am stuck . This is my down fall. Sue, I think we all have are things we have to work on. I feel for you. i hope you can get through this.

Take little steps and all you can do is keep trying to improve on this behavior.

mscat

[SweetSue]

Thanks Donna and Cathy

I have been giving this some thought, do you know I am so tempted to type "I dont know" think part of me is still searching for the easy way out, looking for the simplist of excuses not to face up to facts.

I have real problems with talking (like still not talking at all) and now I write everything down, for therapy or just everyday communications. its been that long now that I forget what my voice sounds like. Geez im even changing the subject now. this is how much this bothers me.

Anyway, Its not that Im dis-honest, I either tell the truth or dont do anything. Embarassed, diffinately, some things Im really quite prudish (is that a word) about. Scared of the other persons reaction, for sure, I have this real thing where I feal that people are judging me and laughing at me all the time. its like I know that I am responsible for everything that has happened in my life, and Im ashamed of myself, and truely I dont think I want for people to know about it. But I know the only way that I will be able to put things to rest in my mind is to let it out of me. Think part of it is, is that Im afraid people will say that well actually it wasnt your fault, and then it will all just confuse the stuffing out of me, coz the only way I have been able to accept shit is by rationalising the fact that I did something anything to deserve it all.

"I Dont Know"

Is just a nice short simple answer that stops me from facing the truth, even to myself. And Im terrified that if my "T" or p/doc or the nurses find out exactly what is going on, then they will know just how filled with evil I am, and well I wouldnt stand a hope in hells chance of standing a chance of realisticly getting my children back. You know things are just so damn messed up that I really just do not know !!!!

[Cloud9]

Is it possible for you to record your answers in a more anonymous way, like typing them out for the therapist to read later? You're pretty expressive on these forums. Can you share these writings with the therapist?

[SweetSue]

Hi Sharpa,

Thankyou

Its been a while since I originally started this thread, and Im ashamed to say that well I still revert to typing "I dont know". I think Im slowly trusting the staff here and Im slowly opening up a little more. Think maybe its more of a trust and embarrasment issue, rather than not actually knowing.

The written word is my only form of communication (still) and although Im getting used to it these days, I still find it hard writting things down about myself knowing that the people looking after me, have to read it. I hate feeling judged, and especially hate when people start treating me differently to what Im used to. It throws me into panic mode and then I shut down. Think thats probably why I spend so much time here in this community. I feel safe here expressing my thoughts and feelings, nobody judges me, and people really care, they dont just pretend to. Plus people on here are honest with me. Where in the real world, I tend to find people say one thing and then at a later date, I find out they have recorded something else.

Im still working on the "I dont know" and I feel it is going to take a lot of time to change the way that I am where this is concerned, aslong as I recognise why I do what I do, then well it gives me the oppertunity to work out how I can change, which has to be a start at any rate.

Take care

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jj and everyone,

Let's go back to "cognitive reframing."

The thought is "I don't know." Now, you need to take a piece of paper and make columns. The columns could be headed: Evidence for......Evidence against.......What do I really think........How stronly do I believe the last column.

You list all the facts that cause you to say "I don't know." Remember, we are talking facts, not emotions. Then, what I facts that against "I don't know, meaning I do know." Look at the two lists and do you still think you "don't know?" What is a better conclusion to come to. Perhaps you "do know" but choose not to talk about it.

Any questions?

Allan

[SweetSue]

Ooops sorry Allan, I got slightly off track again. ,

hmm, OK gonna start again and try do it right this time (hopefully)

Does any one know how to do columns ? (im not that great on computery stuff)

[Guest ASchwartz]

Well, you make a column for the belief or thought. Then you make a column of facts that support that thought. Then you make a column for the facts that do not support that thought. Then you make a column for a new thought to replace the orignal one but that is now based on all the facts.

Allan