Holiday Hell

[JaneE]

Today's our Thanksgiving holiday.

Holidays are Hell in this household, because on one side my husband goes into Passive Aggressive Overdrive. He wants to punish us for being "sentimental". He acts 'pleasant' but it has an edge. He teases and balks, pouts or otherwise obstructs whatever is planned.

My kid on the other end goes into Expectation Overdrive. It's a holiday so it has to be fun! And he wants it to be fun NOW, thank you very much!

As for me I'm stuck in the middle in Nervous/Stressed Damage Control mode.

No matter how low-key I try to make it, it's going to be a bad day no matter what.

If non-family members are around, it's slightly better, because if he likes/wants to impress these people he'll be almost pleasant. I made the mistake of inviting a single gal friend of mine last year, and he teased her mercilessly the whole time. She's alone again this year, but there's no way I'm inviting her! I wish I could tell her why so she doesn't think it's her fault.

The worst of it so far today is he just shot a squirrel outside my window. I get to watch it expire painfully, poor little thing. God forbid someone enjoy himself on this day. He'd probably shoot us all if he could get away with it.

Such an A-hole!

Anyone else living in Holiday Hell? I'm dreading Christmas already.

[Jetliner]

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Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner
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[SweetSue]

hi Jane,

Yep Holiday Hell, such a good word for it, we dont get thanks giving here, but im certainly dreading xmas this year, my first without my family.

I certainly had my fair share of them when I was with my ex, thankfully where we lived we didnt get squirells, but he had his own way of ruining things. So yeah I know where your coming from.

Hope the rest of your day gets a little better

take care

Jj

[David O]

Hi Jane,

This must be the most painful thing, especially since it can destroy everyone's day or week. I hate to admit it b/c I'm a saint now and much holier and righteous than most:D, but I used to be just like your husband.

I hated holidays. I grew up in the most punishing and brutal dictatorship and it spelled disaster for us, so the association was strong for me. I made my 1st wife miserable and my behavior, along with her Bipolar Disorder, drove her away. But she taught me many lessons... one was, "David, if you're gonna be an A-hole, we'll just have to have our own party w/o you!" She packed up the kids, drove away w/o telling me where she was going. She returned 3 hours later, happy and everyone laughing as I sat at home miserable b/c I wasn't able to ruin everyone's good time.

They had simply gone to a gas station that sold turkey sandwiches, chips and Cherry 7-Up, and had a great time while I sat home wallowing in my self made misery--- "That learned me good!"

The solution was so simple, it robbed me of the sick joy (or love) of being an ass and taught me a quick lesson. The next holiday-- Xmas, was around the corner and my then wife was straighforward, "Screw, or try to screw this one up and we'll go on our own and spend the night at a hotel with an indoor pool!" Needless to say, I was a "good muchacho" from there on. It's amazing how it was actions and not words, that made it so effective. There was no emotion, no anger, just a cold, stoic, calm and just a single minded approach that took the wind out of my sails.

Just a friendly approach to an age-old dilemma: the natural and logical consequence of my misbehavior was that I was alone, self miserable and in a state of self pity over nothing:(!

Have a merry Xmas,

David

[JaneE]

Thanks you guys!

The day did get better. I gave him a hard time about the squirrel and his behavior. He actually seemed to have no idea he was behaving that way! Of course he tried to fling it all on me, telling me it's projection, but I would more call it conjecture, because I can't understand why he'd behave so otherwise. Must start somewhere?

And David O, I can (begin to) imagine how difficult it must have been growing up under such a harsh environment and then coming to the land of the 'fatted calf' and seeing how frivolous and wasteful and entitled we all are here (not to sound Anti-American, but we all take what we have for granted way too often!).

But I'll remember that "hotel with a pool" tactic. I doubt I'd be able to convince my son to come with me, and his father'd never let me leave with him, but it's a splendid idea nevertheless!

My husband has very harsh attitudes, like I imagine you might have once had, David O. It's been a learning experience living with him, but sometimes I wish I could just be vapid and entitled once in awhile!! XD Terrible, I know!

But at least we can vent and support each other here!

Thanks again!