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I'm thinking about turning myself in to the police. I'm a bad person...


TheMan
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Theman,

I want to try to assure you that you did not commit a "sin." It might help if you understood child psychology a little. It is normal for young kids to "fool around." Sometimes it happens between brother and sister. Sometimes it happens between brother and brother. Sometimes it happens between sister and sister and, finally, it sometimes happens between a kid and a friend. It is part of normal and natural curiosity. Sadly, this is an area where religion does not help people, whether its Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Islam because these major religions view sex through the prism of sin. Psychology does not agree with this attitude.

As a young teen, your hormones were raging, your curiosity was even stronger and, so, you went to the Internet for Porn and you "touched your sister." Sorry, but, no sin for any of these.

In my opinion, you need to put these things from the past away in file, some place, and move on with your sexual, and love life.

I do not know your age, but, I am wondering if you have a girlfriend? Are you having sex with her or someone?

You were a child then, and a teen is a child. Now, you are adult and have every right and expectation to have a woman and make love with her.

What do you think and can you answer my questions?

Allan:)

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Guest GingerSnap

I read your post and thought about it for awhile. I tried to put myself in your place and also in your sister's place if she did know that the incident happened. In your place, you are sorry and I am guessing that you really need to let her know so, why not just have a general conversation about when you were kids and tell her you were sorry in general for some of the things you did to her? (We could probably all have this general conversation with our siblings especially me with "gopher tooth" - my pet name, I got pounded for it too!) I just think that as the sister, if I knew/remembered that it happened that I would know what you were saying and if I didn't, I would feel better knowing you were sorry for some of the "brother" things that you tortured me with. Do not turn yourself into the police for this. Just my thoughts on moving forward and leaving this behind.

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And my thought was, how would the police be able to help?

Assuming they investigated it as a crime, they would need to interview everyone involved (such as your sister), and ask all sorts of questions about whether it happened with anyone else, and so on. That means that if your sister remembers it, she gets further embarrassment and public humiliation. If she doesn't, she gets those plus some shocking news about her brother. If she remembers it, there would probably be no prosecution unless she pressed charges, and then there would be a trial, and maybe you would be convicted. There's a chance (fairly small) that you'd get prison time, and you'd be watched for the rest of your life as a sex offender. And all of this depends on whether you were a juvenile at the time of the touching.

So, what purpose does all that serve? If you're not going to do it again, there's no need for all that deterrence, especially when it almost certainly makes your sister's life worse.

And the reality is, the police would probably not do anything at all. You're reporting a crime you committed yourself which the victim hasn't chosen to press charges on. The odds of them pursuing that as a crime are next to zero. In the end, they'd probably recommend what we'd recommend, without all that hassle: go talk to a professional about all of it, the sexual interests, the guilt, the anxiety. I suspect that that course is far more constructive, in the long run, for you becoming a healthy, safe contributor to society. And after you've done that, if you feel a need to talk to your sister, either a general apology or a specific admission, you still have that option.

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Hi Theman,

I want to try to assure you that you did not commit a "sin." It might help if you understood child psychology a little. It is normal for young kids to "fool around." Sometimes it happens between brother and sister. Sometimes it happens between brother and brother. Sometimes it happens between sister and sister and, finally, it sometimes happens between a kid and a friend. It is part of normal and natural curiosity. Sadly, this is an area where religion does not help people, whether its Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Islam because these major religions view sex through the prism of sin. Psychology does not agree with this attitude.

As a young teen, your hormones were raging, your curiosity was even stronger and, so, you went to the Internet for Porn and you "touched your sister." Sorry, but, no sin for any of these.

In my opinion, you need to put these things from the past away in file, some place, and move on with your sexual, and love life.

I do not know your age, but, I am wondering if you have a girlfriend? Are you having sex with her or someone?

You were a child then, and a teen is a child. Now, you are adult and have every right and expectation to have a woman and make love with her.

What do you think and can you answer my questions?

Allan:)

Yeah, but how? I mean, in order for me to be with a person, shouldn't I be able to tell them everything. This is a big part of my childhood/teen year. How can I do this without lying?

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Hi TheMan,

Ive read, and re read through your post. you say you asked yourself if you were a rapist, you are aware of your actions and in which way you in appropriately touched your sister. To be classed as a rapist intercourse has to of taken place. Im presuming you didnt go that far, so therefore you are not technically a rapist.

However, what you did is abuse. You must realise, that if your sister is only a little younger than you, then there is a very high possibility that she will remember exactly what you did to her.

I remember things that happened to me when I was a kid, and Im OLD now, and believe me, I can never forget, and will never ever forgive :mad:

I know that everyone here so far is telling you to put it behind you, and move on and forget. And I suppose they are right. But for me, I feel that this issue is something that you need to get help with. OK I know you said you are sorry for what you have done in the past. but you know sometimes sorry just dont cut it. Actions however they show that you care and prove that you regret what you did.

Do you think that maybe it would be worth your while talking things through with either a therapist or if your still at school a guidance counceller. you are obviously very hurt by the feelings you now have, and maybe talking them through could benifit you.

What ever you decide to do, there is no point rushing into decisions about whether or not to involve the police. The police will possibly make things worse for both you and your sister. And there has been enough hurt already, without causing more.

I wish you well, in whatever happens, and want to say that I think it was very couragous for posting what you have, and that we are listening and will help if we can :(

Take care

Jj

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