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Generating Positive Thoughts from Within


Recycle
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So much of my moods are, or seem to be, based on the emotional states of others. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to generate positive thoughts from within myself. So, here is the statement I need help deframing:

"I will never be able to generate positive thoughts within myself and I will always allow others to dictate how I'm feeling."

It's scary because it feels like it is true, but I know it's not.

Recycle

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Well, the first thing would be for me not to offer you any positives of mine, otherwise you'll blame me for cheering you up. :-)

So, how about you do it? Take some time, alone, and write a list of positives about yourself. If you have to, you could even do a list of negatives, too; the point is, these will be things you think without any outside input at all.

After that, you'll know what you think. Any changes to those core beliefs that happen "because" of others will have to be made with your cooperation. Then you'll have a tool to decide what to change about yourself, so that you don't cooperate with any changes you don't want. :-)

I know, it sounds too simple. For me, I got a lot of relief from my wife's continuous negative verbal input, once I realized that it wasn't something I had done, but something she needed to do. Once I knew whose problem it was, I was able to let it go, so that it didn't change my own opinion of myself.

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So simple, yet so difficult :-) I will try your suggestion. I have done this before, both in therapy and on my own. Trick is getting the thoughts to stick. But, if I turn around my thinking and consciously make an effort to think of other's emotions/opinions/moods as additing to my own, and that I have a choice to "accept or reject" them, I may do better. Behavior change is sure a lot of work, and it is easy to fall back in the old familiar patterns.

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I'm finding it helpful to think of it as a learning curve, so 'I will never' dissapears. I have set a goal of learning more about positive self-esteem this year. So I intentionally evaluate thought patterns and actions against that. I will not change who I am and how I think overnight, and I find the learning curve allows me to fail once in awhile, even though I know I am on the right track.

I too have issues with reframing negative thoughts and believing it, imprints are strong... But hey, we are learning and if we put some effort in I'm sure we will progress with time:)

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"I will never be able to generate positive thoughts within myself and I will always allow others to dictate how I'm feeling."

Repeat this to yourself instead -

"I generate positive thoughts within myself and I refuse to allow others to dictate how I feel or think at any given moment in my life. I make my own decisions."

I agree with malign about writing a list of positive statements about you and what you want in your life but I disagree with doing a list of negatives, that would simply re-enforce the negatives.

Sorry but my thoughts are that we stick with the positive aspects. If we stick with the positive then we don't need to worry about the negatives. Negatives are not wrong they simply warn us about something that needs our attention. Positive thinkers take care of the negatives in a positive way.

Instead of I'll try, I wish, I might, I think. Try instead, I have decided.

To get the thoughts to ‘stick’ you must repeat them to yourself over and over like a mantra. You could do a healing meditation where you sit for five or ten minutes a day and repeat the positive statement you have chosen for that session.

If we deal with our own issues and become much more positive thinkers other people's issues effect us less.

Cultivating positive thinking is definitely the way to go. And like Symora said, seeing it as a learning curve, and a part of the healing process, helps a lot to keep us thinking positive. It takes time, it takes work, but it's worth it. See your small successes as winning a battle, win enough battles and you win the war.

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i agree with malign its like what i just told someone earlier sometimes its easier to realize the answer on our own instead of being told, and i didnt know you had to "generate" a positive thought, sounds like it takes so much work i just told myself im happy, beautiful, sexy, blessed, and bunch other stuff and didnt really take much work at all, come think of it i think i told myself so much positive stuff im 'feelin'g happy and good about myself so ask me what kinda mood im in now and id say happy, but tellin yourself something positive without first backing it with a reason even if its a small one is like trying cut a tree down with a single sheet of paper.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest ASchwartz

Hi Recycle,

I agree with what others have pointed out to you. Words like, "never, always, etc," are not helpful because they are not true. Catch yourself when you find yourself using those words.

Postive thoughts are helpful but only if they are based on facts. All of us can feel awful at times. The trick is to focus on our negative thoughts and find out in what specific ways those thoughts are incorrect. For example, "I'm having a terrible day." Not true. You see, I woke up this morning feeling fine but missed the bus on the way to work. Missing the bus was frustrating and led to the thought, "I am having a terrible day." I am not having a terrible day and can get over missing the bus.

Allan:)

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I've always found that meditation, deep breathing exercises, and Yoga are very helpful for pushing out the negative energy and allowing the positive energy in. It takes a lot of practice and focus, but it can be very helpful.

A punching bag in the basement or garage seems to do the trick when I feel that others have injected their negativity into me... I can't beat them up for it (okay, I could but I won't) but I can beat the hell out of the bag and it makes me feel better. :)

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I don't know if this belongs here, but I've had a lot of help from affirmations. They're not generated from within, but are outside reminders and with repeated seeing and reading, they seep into you.

When I took the tough step of getting divorced, I was terrified of how I was going to cope on my own and didn't believe I would succeed. I felt lost and that I wouldn't have enough money, strength, ability, courage. I wrote the following three statements on sticky labels and stuck them on the bookshelf I use as my bedside table. They were:

"I am strong and I can handle my own life."

"My world is filled with abundance."

"I am blessed and I am grateful."

I didn't believe any of them in the least. I couldn't see how they were going to happen. But every morning and every evening I would see them there as I went to bed and woke up. In fact they were the first thing I saw in the morning, because of where they were stuck up. I didn't recite them or anything, I just read them. (well, I couldn't avoid it, they were right in my face. :))

And would you believe, after a while I began to see that I was enough and had enough, that I was actually handling my life, day by day, and that I was fortunate in many ways.

You get what you focus on and give your attention to, so it is important that they always be worded in the positive. If you say "I will not eat junk food", your mind will pick up the words "junk food" and focus on that. If you say "I will eat healthy food" your mind won't think "junk" it'll pick up "healthy".

Now, 10 years later, they're still stuck on my bookshelf which is still next to my bed. Quite appropriately they are now stuck fast and I can't get them off!

And now I believe them, and they are true for me. :)

Edited by Luna-
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