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miller72
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Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here for a few weeks, and know exactly where all you are coming from.

I'm 44, and have been depressed about my size for at least 20 years. It doesn't matter what my measurements are, you either have a big one or you don't, and I don't.

I'm married with two great kids. My wife is the one of two women I have been with. I met her when I was 21 and like many of you the sex was great for many years, despite knowing the fact that her first boyfriend was "quite large", a fact I learned by, of course, asking. Duh.

For many years I truly believed it didn't matter, and that my oral skills and focus on her needs was what made me better. But over the years, as you all know, the evidence to the contrary was too much to ignore. From female co-workers telling it like it is, to porn, to the internet, everything points in the direction that size matters and women who say it doesn't are simply lying to be nice.

The biggest frustration is not being able to do anything about it. The blatant unfairness of it all. I could be a millionaire, rock star, bodybuilder, great looking, whatever; but all those things would not make me big. It is frustrating to the point of yes, as many of you, contemplating ending it all.

I think the only thing that keeps me going at this point is my kids, and knowing what it would do to them if I did something drastic.

I've tried PE, stretchers, pills, and they are all bs.

It has affected our sex life to the point where I can't get it up without the help of drugs. And even when we do have sex, it is like there is another person in bed with us, her former big guy. Some guys get off on that, and I've tried, but no luck LOL.

Our culture is such you can not escape it. Even the movies my daughter watches - like last night - boys putting each other down for having a "small weiner".

I can't fake it and pretend it doesn't matter, I've tried. I have also read Burns many times, seen psychs (those are fun appts, even had one yell at me for having this as an issue), tried drugs, all to no avail.

I play mr. family man, go to church (God is evil if there is one), hold down a good job, have a likeable personality, etc but my self esteem will always be in the dumps because of stupid genetics.

I guess I just wanted to get this out. I'm not really looking for advice or help because I know it doesn't work. I'm just going to keep on keeping on until I die, the sooner the better.

Take Care

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Miller 72:

The biggest frustration is not being able to do anything about it. The blatant unfairness of it all. I could be a millionaire, rock star, bodybuilder, great looking, whatever; but all those things would not make me big. It is frustrating to the point of yes, as many of you, contemplating ending it all.

I used exactly the same words as an excuse not to achieve. Because whatever I would of become or had I would of be the millionaire with a small cock, the rock star with a small cock etc. Its just an excuse to give up. We are ALL DEPRESSED, we all have small cocks. We can all treat our depression.

Because you decided to breed, even though you knew you were small, you have absolutely lost the right to suicide. Suicide travels within families, you will depress other members of your family and then they may commit suicide.

You have been married for 23 years, is she happy with your size? is it a good marriage other than your issues with size. Hows the rest of your life, job money home kids etc. the ED is it curable, you get it up with pills.

Some of us on here have shit lives, you seem to have it pretty good except for size and a dose of DEPRESSION.

I think a small penis is responsible for a large depression. At the end of the day, it is the depression that is treatable, so im told.

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Miller72, I found your post quite heartwrenching. Frankly as a woman I never imagined that a man's size could affect him so completely. I think there is no comparable for women, except maybe overall beauty and desirability. I used to be young and pretty, slim, and now with age and anti-depressants that turn you into pumpkins, I have lost my appeal as it were.. :cool: And I find myself confronted to issues that are new to me as a woman - it is quite invasive and hard on the self-esteem....

It feels to me like the thoughts about it become obsessive...and then depression does that too, and then it's vicious circle I suppose. I still find it very hard to understand why it is so pivotal to your view of the world. Life is lived 99% out of sexual encounters, how come it becomes the be all and end all :confused:

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For many years I truly believed it didn't matter, and that my oral skills and focus on her needs was what made me better.

Hello, miller, and welcome to the boards. I'm very sorry that you have been struggling with the pain of this. I was struck by your use of the words "make me better". I think what it's really about is you being you.

From female co-workers telling it like it is, to porn, to the internet, everything points in the direction that size matters and women who say it doesn't are simply lying to be nice.

As I've told everyone on these boards...the size of a man's genitals do not matter to me in one way or the other. I would consider this part of someone as a part of their person and something which I would accept and love with respect to that. What matters to me as a woman is the truth of a man's character...traits that I personally find admirable, such as kindness and an interesting mind. All parts of a person are pieces to treasure and what makes them the person that they are. So I would appreciate this aspect of a man as a part of my appreciation for him as a person. I know there are lots of women out there who likely have similar feelings about this. It's unfortunate that our society seems to focus on the grandiosity of things and seems to have lost sight of the beauty in human beings simply being human beings. Differences are something to treasure and I have always felt this way.

Our culture is such you can not escape it. Even the movies my daughter watches - like last night - boys putting each other down for having a "small weiner".

I find it sad that our society perpetuates this type of thinking as well. It's cruel and insensitive and, in my opinion, sends all of the wrong messages to our children.

I can't fake it and pretend it doesn't matter, I've tried.

I'm sorry that you were treated so poorly in therapy. Have you tried understanding why it seems to matter so much to you?

I play mr. family man, go to church (God is evil if there is one), hold down a good job, have a likeable personality, etc but my self esteem will always be in the dumps because of stupid genetics.

Could there be other reasons why your self-esteem is so down in the dumps or do you feel it is all tied to this one aspect of yourself?

I guess I just wanted to get this out. I'm not really looking for advice or help because I know it doesn't work. I'm just going to keep on keeping on until I die, the sooner the better.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, Miller. ;) There are other men here in similar situations who will offer support if you give this a chance. And I am available well. There is always hope, if you are willing to give it a chance. I'm sorry for your pain, Miller.

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Wow, you and I are close in age and in life state, but somehow our outlook is completely different. I too am always aware of my smallness, and I do envy those guys who can proudly let it all hang out. Somehow, some way, it has not defeated me. I was bordering on depression in college and into my 20's, but not really anymore.

I have become convinced that, while size DOES matter (you can't pretend otherwise), it's not absolutely critical to many women. The less it phases you, the less it probably phases them. The point is kinda moot anyway...we're married.

Hopefully, you can get through the serious depression. I think the size issue can be a successful work in progress. We'll always have a small one, and a libido fit for a huge one...those are the cruddy breaks.

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Hello, miller, and welcome to the boards.
As I've told everyone on these boards...the size of a man's genitals do not matter to me in one way or the other. I would consider this part of someone as a part of their person and something which I would accept and love with respect to that. What matters to me as a woman is the truth of a man's character...traits that I personally find admirable, such as kindness and an interesting mind.

Yes, I do believe it is possible for women to love men despite their less than adequate size. Nobody's perfect.

I find it sad that our society perpetuates this type of thinking as well. It's cruel and insensitive and, in my opinion, sends all of the wrong messages to our children.
Yes it is all those things yet I notice you didn't mention "false" as one of the characteristics. While you may be one of the rare exceptions, there is no doubt most women consider size to be an advantage.

I'm sorry that you were treated so poorly in therapy. Have you tried understanding why it seems to matter so much to you?
Yes I have. I think I am particularly sensitive to rejection. I was adopted at six days old. I never really came to terms with that rejection. I was rejected by numerous women during high school and college, in fact never had a date until I was 19. My rejection threshold is quite low. And when my wife's sex drive took a dive after our first child, of course I took it personally and the only thing I could come up with is I just wasn't appealing enough on a primitive level to keep her excitement levels up. Not to mention she flat rejected oral sex, telling me she didn't like it, despite acting the opposite right up until the honeymoon was over. So again I ask myself why, and again the only thing I come up with is my goods are not sufficient to cause lustful feelings. I began feeling like a paycheck that did dishes and laundry. I became, and still am, very resentful. For a long time I was very angry with her, then my anger turned inward, and we all know what that is.
Could there be other reasons why your self-esteem is so down in the dumps or do you feel it is all tied to this one aspect of yourself?

Yes. After she rejected me sexually, and I tried everything I could think of to turn it around and nothing worked, I did some things I still have tremendous guilt over today. I am unable to forgive myself, and it shows.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, Miller. :) There are other men here in similar situations who will offer support if you give this a chance. And I am available well. There is always hope, if you are willing to give it a chance. I'm sorry for your pain, Miller.
Don't feel sorry for my self inflicted screwed up head. First I blamed others, then myself, now I write it off to , as another poster stated, a bad break (being born like this). But thank you for your note, I enjoyed reading it. You are very kind.

M

Thank you
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Yes, I do believe it is possible for women to love men despite their less than adequate size. Nobody's perfect.

As many times as I've said it on the boards, I'm not sure I'm making my point in the way that I want to. It's not loving a man "despite" anything which he might perceive as a flaw, it's loving and accepting a man for everything that makes him who he is. I think being with someone you love is about sharing. It isn't about judging or comparing. It's about offering the self to another freely...and this is always a gift. The gift being in the offering and the revelation of the self to another. That is something which the receiver of such a gift should respect and cherish as such.

Yes I have. I think I am particularly sensitive to rejection. I was adopted at six days old. I never really came to terms with that rejection.

Something such as this may very well be at the heart of why rejection...any rejection...is so very painful for you. Did you talk about your feelings around this in therapy?

I was rejected by numerous women during high school and college, in fact never had a date until I was 19.

Yep. Me too. Didn't have a date until around that age as well. Only I was being rejected by men. My husband is the only man I've ever dated, kissed or done anything intimate with. Having more confidence in myself has proven to attract more people to me these days. When one is fearful and perhaps shy with low self-esteem, they are much less approachable to others. So a lot of what you project is what you receive, which reflects more on your demeanor and presentation of yourself than of your quality of character.

And when my wife's sex drive took a dive after our first child, of course I took it personally and the only thing I could come up with is I just wasn't appealing enough on a primitive level to keep her excitement levels up. Not to mention she flat rejected oral sex, telling me she didn't like it, despite acting the opposite right up until the honeymoon was over. So again I ask myself why, and again the only thing I come up with is my goods are not sufficient to cause lustful feelings. I began feeling like a paycheck that did dishes and laundry. I became, and still am, very resentful. For a long time I was very angry with her, then my anger turned inward, and we all know what that is.

Have you ever tried couples counseling? Or at least talked this over with her and communicated your feelings about it? I know after having a child one can be exhausted and overwhelmed. It's a huge adjustment. This may have had more to do with her than you, Miller. Did you try expressing to her that you really enjoy oral sex and that this is important to you? I think that perhaps you are assuming the change in her level of desire has something to do with your physical attributes when it might have more to do with her emotional state of mind. Resentment isn't good to hold onto. Maybe try talking about your feelings...and her feelings...with her? Sometimes women need to get out and get a break from the children as well. After some time, you begin to feel like "just mom" and need the wife, woman part of yourself nurtured as well. Not sure if that has been what happened here with your wife, but I did experience some of these feelings after having children. I would say air things out with her and open up the lines of communication. Try not to make assumptions.

Yes. After she rejected me sexually, and I tried everything I could think of to turn it around and nothing worked, I did some things I still have tremendous guilt over today. I am unable to forgive myself, and it shows.

Is she aware of any of this? It does sound as if you might benefit from therapy if you can find a good couples' counselor.

Don't feel sorry for my self inflicted screwed up head.

:) I hope that you will be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself kindly and with respect. I am sorry for the pain you have been experiencing. Can't help that stuff. I don't like when people are hurting. Especially when they are down on themselves for something which makes them who they are.

Take care, Miller, and I hope that you feel better.

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Hi Miller, welcome.

You have kids, so suicide is not an option. So since you are stuck with it, the only option is to accept your size and get comfortable with it, there is no other way. This is the cold truth of size. Stick around here for a while, read some of the previous threads, try to get a handle on "change".

All of us have a small penis, all of us have depression, all of us have different stories which are basically the same in terms of what we feel as men. Compared with most here, you have managed yourself very well, as you have a relationship, a wife, kids, job, a life etc.

From the outside, looking in, you have two areas you can work. 1st manage your depression. 2nd work on your marriage, or consider moving on to a new relationship. Since No:2 is such a big decission, I think it would be wise to really get a handle on the depression first.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

I feel your pain, as I too am obsessed about my small penis. But as depressed as you are about it, YOU have a wife. YOU have kids. I'm 54, never been married, no kids. I can't even get the nerve to even ask a woman for a date because I'm so damn afraid of how embarrassed I will be if I was to ever get that woman in bed with me.

You have something to live for. Imagine how it feels like to not be able touch a woman because of my fears. I have to have sex with hookers, since I'm scared that word would get around that I have a small dick if I tried to have sex with someone that knows me. Your wife obviously wasn't hesitant to have sex with you despite your size. She loves you and had children with you.

I have NOBODY now, and have no hope for the future, So wake up and smell the roses. YOU are a very lucky guy. I live my life being jealous of guys like you. Go up to your wife. Give her a big kiss. And thank her every day for coming into your life!

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Hi Eric,

Same storys, just different. Its amazing how we all seem to follow the same patterns of behaviour with this thing. Avoidence of women and relationships because WE are scared what our women will say, and scared of what people will say when it gets out.

We all use those two reasons to avoid life completely. Beating or reducing this fear of ridicule is a major battle we all have to fight.

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Miller72, I found your post quite heartwrenching. Frankly as a woman I never imagined that a man's size could affect him so completely. I think there is no comparable for women, except maybe overall beauty and desirability. I used to be young and pretty, slim, and now with age and anti-depressants that turn you into pumpkins, I have lost my appeal as it were.. :cool: And I find myself confronted to issues that are new to me as a woman - it is quite invasive and hard on the self-esteem....

It feels to me like the thoughts about it become obsessive...and then depression does that too, and then it's vicious circle I suppose. I still find it very hard to understand why it is so pivotal to your view of the world. Life is lived 99% out of sexual encounters, how come it becomes the be all and end all :confused:

Pumpkins?? :o You're funny.

Men are wired differently than women. They think about sex constantly. It's something they can't help.

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