Happiness is bliss?...hmmm...

[Nicolec]

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[Lindamomof7]

Yes Nicolec

I do feel that way too. It is almost as if I don't know how to feel happy or positive anymore. Is that what you mean?

I thought for me since I cycle very often that the hypomanic I feel would almost erase all those feelings of depression. But I have found that all it has done was "tramautize" me so to speak because feeling good means there will a point when that changes to not feeling good. So my head and my world gets all screwed up again.

I think it is the disppointment we all feel that is worse then the illness.....

So I guess I have become very defensive and protective of myself and have almost learned to not enjoy the good times anymore either. And thats not going in the right direction for getting better....

I would think that is a very dangerous place for us and others who feel that way because you would think it is these good times that keep you going. So now what???? Right???

I am struggling for that answer myself right now and it's the old cliche: I want "me" back....

[Symora]

Hi Nicolec, Yep, I can relate. I've been rather frustrated with that in the last month or so actually. I know I am better because I am getting my energy back, I am starting to make plan for my life again, I laugh more, but I really don't feel anything inside. I have actually been thinking about getting off meds because of that - they make me feel flat. This is probably a good thing considering how whacko I can get when I'm manic, or depressed for that matter, but its like a 'non-feeling' and don't like it.

Although mental health medication can be a life saver, it does have it's downfalls. Do you think that medication could be at play here?

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Symora what I thought of when I read your post is "mixed" mood. I get that all the time... I either go from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat or 100 to 0, and then there are these middle of the road feelings that are not that distinct so they kind of get lost a little as a I call it.

I have learned that I have to let this mixed mood settle before I react because I can be very suicidal during those times. I cry and can be very angry or energetic at the same time

Those are the dangerouse times for most people because the brain and the body are not working together but the depression and the energy usually equal something dangerous at least for me....

Does this happen to anyone else???

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Nicolec,

I believe the comments you have received so far are based on the assumption that everyone understands your experience when you have some happiness. I do not understand and here are my reasons: 1. Is it that when you say you are happy that you are not really feeling happy,? or, is it that you are predicting and fearing the good feeling will go away, or is it that you do not trust the good feeling or, to repeat, is it not a good feeling at all, or do you feel guilty about feeling good?

Can you tell us what you experience with this?

Allan

[Nicolec]

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[Lindamomof7]

I understand completley Nicolec. I think it has become a defense mechanism resulting from my constant cycling. And, it is almost has become a safe place for me now because most of my moods are spent on the depressive side so when I feel happy, I am very cautious about enjoying it and afraid to enjoy it because it will go away..

Is that what you are talking about and how you feel as well?

I don't have any solutions if it is. I am struggling with that all the time and meds didn't help so I am just sort of living on the edge of crisis all the time... Not fun.

Maybe Allan has some suggestions????

[Nicolec]

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