My tiny penis

[D Dub]

I am here tonight writing this because I am 26 years old and my penis has not grew a mm since my birth. I have severe depression and hate myself everyday because of it. It has single handedly ruined my life. I have made atleast four serious attempts to kill myself. Three of them I was drunk and couldn't cut my wrist deep enough. The last one I took a bottle of sleeping pills (50). The first three I was barely 19 years old. The last one was about 4 months ago. It doesn't help that I'm bi-polar also.

I've found that there are a couple things that ease the pain alittle. Music has always been my number one weapon in this never ending battle. It has been my true love and passion every since I was young. Music doens't care about my baby dick. It only offers love and support to all walks of life. It will never betray you. I've played drums for 12 years and got seriously good at one point. I had all the right guys with me and we had a sound that any heavey metal producer could not pass up. But before we even had achance I quit one day out of nowhere. The endless mind tortures became too much. How could I become some rockstar with a baby penis? It's no secret what society thinks about rockstars ecspecially drummers. How in the hell could I live in a world where your suppossed to be hung like Tommy Lee. I just couldn't escape the mental pain and suffering. I gave up on the one chance I had at my dream, my love and the life I was suppossed to have. That alone makes me crave suicide even more.

I have slept with 3 girls over the past 5 years. I didn't lose my virginity till i was 21. I always told myself that I would die a virgin. Well I was wrong but let me tell you I got no real satisfication. Afterwards i get overwelmed with negative thoughts about my insecurities. I didn't hide the pain with my first partner. She got tired of it and busted me with bandaids on my wrist one too many times and kicked me to the kirb. Then with the next two girls I hid the pain and it was real hard to act happy and gratified when your really ready to kill yourself. Not to mention my ex used to stop in the middle of sex and laugh at my tiny hard on. Can't even explain how that feels. Then the same girl after we broke up told everybody at work about how small I am. That literally almost killed me. I had a massive panic attack and that lasted for 5 days. I had to miss a week of work because of it.

That's just a little bit about me and my life long battle. I've read some other threads on here and I must say I feel like I am home. I have always dreamed of talking to other men with the same problem. It eases the pain knowing that im not alone. This forum gives me one more reason to get out of bed and deal with this fucked up life I live.

[Recluse]

Hey, I am about the same age as you. It is unfortunate that we have to be posting here. I have never had a girlfriend as a result of my situation. It is good that you have music for yourself. That is something worth living for. I have some hobbies of my own that make it worthwhile to get up in the morning like boxing, martial arts, etc. I've been into metal since I was 14, and have always been musically inclined, recently started playing an instrument for myself. What I have come to realize through posting in this forum is that I will never be ok with my size. I am no longer willing to let the depression over it affect my ability to function in society which it has been for quite some time. I feel that if one takes care of the other areas of one's life, this small dick situation is more manageable as our minds and time are occupied. I think the misery and the rage and hatred will always be there but I feel that it is possible that it can become more manageable.

[curtailed]

Welcome home.

You say you haven't grown at all. This sounds like it could be a medical issue, which means you still might have hope. Hormones and all that. Do you know what the doctors have to say about it? I was looking into biological reasons myself some time ago but never actually spoke to a doctor about it.

I assume you did go through puberty, which is why you feel your penis is out of scale. It doesn't really make sense that the penis wouldn't grow during normal puberty if everything else scales up.

Hopefully it will all make sense.

[IrmaJean]

Hello D dub and welcome to the boards. I'm a woman, but I like to offer my support on these boards. I'm sorry that you are in such pain. Curtailed makes a good point that it might be best to get this checked out by a doctor to be certain this isn't a medical problem. Have you ever done this?

I am very sorry that you have been treated insensitively by some women. No one deserves to be treated with such cruelty, D dub. This must have been very painful for you. There are women out in the world who would respect you and who would appreciate every aspect of you as a wonderful part of what makes you the person that you are.

I must admit to being rather disgusted with the images that society portrays as well...but you can be a rock star if this is your dream. It's great that you have an interest and a hobby which gives you pleasure. I think you should go for it. I bet you are a great drummer. My dad played the drums while I was growing up. Maybe you might consider trying again?

I hope you feel better, D dub.

[D Dub]

Recluse is right it does help me alot to keep busy and my mind on other things. I'm unfortunately unemployed so that doesn't help mentally. I'm struggling everyday to scroung up some confidence and get to looking for work, but some days it's just too hard. It's almost impossible to have any shred of confidence living like this. I love boxing and mma also. I listened to metal since I was 7 or 8 and couldn't live without it.

I never had it looked at by a doctor. I never even thought about a medical issue. I've always been too embarrassed. I've just tried too acccept it and move on but it's easier said then done.

[Symora]

Hi D Dub, welcome to the forum :-) I'm sorry that you have to live with this handicap. I've learned from this forum that it is a very challenging thing to live as a man, and I'm sorry it's difficult for you.

I've been in training this week, and the class is filled with young, slim and pretty young women. I'm an overweight woman in my 50's and I was feeling very insecure and hurt. I was on the verge of an anxiety attack myself... it was almost traumatising as I sat across this very pretty blonde in her 30s, petite, extremely pretty and feminine, 4 months pregnant but in a short skirt and she pulled it off beautifully. I could hardly stand the pain of comparing myself to her, envying her, I felt like an inferior woman because I knew that men go gaga over her, but nobody gives me a second look anymore... As a woman it's all about being petite and feminine and I've never been like that, so I always felt inadequate as a woman....

All I'm trying to say is that we all have our issues and handicaps, in some way or another. Gender expectations are strong. I hope you find peace with this and learn to put equal value on all parts of who you are...

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi D Dub,

I want very much to encourage you to be seen by an MD, especially a urologist, so that you can get an opinion about why and how this happened and what your options might be to correct the situation if it is correctable.

I have to agree that it is revolting that there are mean and insensitive people out there who do not care about how they treat others. That is why it is so very important to be careful about the kind of person you choose to be intimate with.

Even though you are unemployed, there should be medical care available to you.

Allan:(

[nearlydead]

Hi D Dub,

Welcome. If your penis really has not grown at all since birth, then you may have a condition known as Micropenis. This can be treated, so I echo that you seek medical advice from a urologist.

Micropenis is usually described as having an erect lenght of 3" or less.

If you are bigger than this, then Im afraid its probably not Micropenis, and your doctor will describe you as normal. Those of us who are described as "normal" but who are in fact small can sympathise with how your life has gone, and what you are suffering and feeling, as we all have the same but different story.

You say that you have had sex and that you did not feel satisfied. Apart from the one horrible slag who laughed at you and told your work colleagues about your size (Had this expeirence myself) Did the other two girls say anything? did they come back for a 2nd or 3rd time?

Now you know about Micropenis, do you think micropenis describes you?

[Recluse]

I agree with Nearlydead, I wasn't sure if you were using the phrase "it hasn't grown since birth" as an analogy. If you are over 3 inches in length, you are probably still considered medically normal.

[D Dub]

Yeah that describes me. my erect is barely 2.5 and flaccid is way under a inch.

[Recluse]

I feel for you man. Go to a doctor as soon as possible to get this situation looked into. As technology improves, which it is at a high rate, the chances of better surgeries and treatments increase, Research treatments on the internet and read a number of articles so you can draw a conclusion about treatments based on reading a number of sources. Also, Europe has certain medications, treatments, in general that we don't have access to in the U.S.. You should also look into what is commonly done in Europe to fix this situation. Anyway, post here any time you need to vent. The fact that you have been with women etc. is something admirable, this is something I have not been able to do without paying for it.

[BillyBoy]

You got a place here to vent, whatever you want to say man, you know that I hope. In anycase man, the fact you've had three girlfriends, I gotta say that already puts you ahead of me in the balls department. You should use that to your advantage, easier said than done I know, but your a tough S*B and you need to embrace that and just say f*ck it when it comes to some obnoxious b*tch giving you crap about your penis.

[Anguished]

Yeah that describes me. my erect is barely 2.5 and flaccid is way under a inch.

Not far off from those measurements myself.

Seems like everytime I check these threads I read something that is similar to own personal experiences.....

As far as small victories go, I'm so glad to have found this forum.

For ten years or more, I've never had an outlet to even voice these opinions without fear of intense ridicule. It does help that I'm not the only one.....

I'm been so handicapped by my illness, it was difficult for me to discuss it here, even being anonymous for God's sake!

I've found more acceptance here with this issue than at any other time in my life.

Because of these posts, I've decided to overcome my fears of embarrasment and to actually see a doctor.

I'll see what happens from there, but regardless of medical options, I'm going to find a way to be happy.

That may include dating an asexual woman, woman with a small penis fetish, a dominatrix, sadist, whatever the fuck happens.

I just won't be content living my life on the sidelines.

Read a post the other day about a man in his late 50s. Guy said that he had his one shot with a woman that would accept him, it didn't work, and that was it for him. He gave up after that because he couldn't face the chance of being laughed at again.

I may be humiliated daily, but I owe it to myself to try. There are women out there for guys like us. It's worth the risk to get one, unless you can be happy being completely alone the majority of your life.

We are underdogs, but hell, it's still worth a shot.

[Luna-]

Anguished:

I don't usually read in SPS but I found this while searching for something else and I just smiled at what you wrote. What a great, inspiring post. You go for it!

[Mjolnir07]

Hey guys, just thought I'd throw this in here in the interest of comfort.

I had a friend who had sex with Shaq O'neil, she said that he suffers from the same problem and is very insecure about it, actually made her sign a contract not to tell anyone. Sorry Shaq, hope you never read this, though in all likelihood he'd never be able to find out it was her that told on him. I think she said that he couldn't have been more than her pinky, which is about 3 inches long.

Also, I, too, like metal, we should start a metal thread.