Need support-contents may be sensitive

[katleen]

Please forgive my lurking these past weeks, all of you willing to be open is so good and i appreciate it very much. Don't feel quite so alone. Have called my L and I dr (a neck injury) for in house drug treatment-opiods (prescribed) and pot. Every morning i feel worse and worse, am taking the day's tramadol all in the am to get out of the depression that occurs and physical pain. Have to go to a physical therapy appt soon, but will be back. I will have to move. No where and no way to go. Last time I made this decision i overdosed on zanax. Am trying not to freak. I have BPD and COPD and have had two lung infections this year. I only can eat once a day usually, and sometimes in the middle of the night. I'm 53, can't be a caregiver anymore. Don't know what I'll do. Yeah, I need support.

Thanks

katleen

[Bluerose]

Welcome to the forum.

Tell us a little more about yourself and what you are dealing with just now.

Do you have some support there at the moment?

[SweetSue]

Hi Katleen

There is nothing for you to be forgiven for. Im sorry you are in so much pain and that things are so harsh for you.

Are you feeling like you are going to OD again ?

Is there anything that you can think of that could lighten your day a little ?

Its hard work being a care giver, sometimes we need to take a step back from this and seek out the help we need for ourself.

We are here for you, and listening.

Take care

Sue

[samspruce]

Hello katleen

Thank you for posting. I hope your physical therapy appointment helped a bit. When you say you will have to move, were you meaning to get to the appointment or something else? It sounded like perhaps the role of care giver was too much and you would have to move away from it. I won't say more about that until you let me know because I may have got it all wrong. But do let us know how you are. There are loads of good people on this forum and you will get good support and maybe some really good ideas.

It sounds as if you are living with a lot of different issues all feeding into each other. Too much for one person to be expected to cope with. You are obviously doing tremendously well in an impossible situation. I wish you well and hope to hear more from you soon.

I'll be thinking of you.

Sam

[katleen]

No- I wont od. Called my doc. Well see.

I'm scared. Been working w/ elderly most of my life. Now here i am, having old age and injury issues..and now it looks like i can't have pain meds. I build tolerance very quickly. The med I am on now, tramadol, only works a couple hours anyway, but what's ahead? There are other things i'm experiencing around tramadol My L and I doc (a neurologist)said I cannot be a caregiver anymore, and since my divorce, it's how I've cared for myself.

Sweet Sue, thank you for responding. I wish i could talk here. It seems in my life whenever i've had issues, my reaching out had negative consequences for others. I need an intelligent, private conversation with someone in the MH field.

Haven't been able to get it. Also, have a history of ongoing child sexual abuse, and had (long ago)a violent husband. Haven't been able to do outpatient drug treatment, three tries. Am afraid of people. Sometimes Walmart is torture. Sooo,

I've asked for inpatient. Through L and I. Kinda hoping for a bit of support until there, and then after. Guess I'm a little stressed. I don't have a mental health professional at this time. Lost coverage and meds cuz of time loss income. Am having some difficulties advocating for myself.

Anyway,to life? in all it's colors.

I'm okay. Have good people in my life.

Thank you

Will try to stay connected

I read all the forums, and have started online dbt as a refresher.

katleen

[SweetSue]

Hi Katleen

Im sorry that reaching out has had negative consequences in the past for others. But we are all here and do care, we just want to try and give you a little support, thats all

Im sorry for my bluntness in asking you if you felt like you were going to OD. Its just that I know how I get, and well I just wanted to be upfront with you.

Im not a m/h worker, (and really not all that intelligent either ) but I would happily talk with you, if it helps at all.

How are you feeling now, have your feelings subsided at all since your first post today ?

Take care

Sue

[katleen]

I just saw all the other notes, wrote a book, and the computer bumped me

i;m okay. am going to bed and will check in tomorrow. c

katleen

[Luna-]

Katleen, how are you doing today?

[katleen]

Hi Luna

Don't know-get really stupid scared sometimes. Want to run. But not really, though. I think it's a perceived abandonment thing. Have run away a lot in my life. Have some explaining to do to my doc for L and I. I'm stressed but okay.First i told him i wanted drug rehab, then called back and said no,depression. He's gonna call in the am, guess i'll tell him bad day, i don't want psyc help from L and I.

I have some worries i haven't been able to address, and i get a little nuts. I don;t nec like everything about being here, but am treated very well and have done some growing and healing, If it weren't for my friends, don't know where I'd be.

I'm not suicidal, I understand the aftermath too well. Just haven;t had MH support in a long time.

How are you? I saw your note said three am. Are you up early, late or somewhere else in the world?

Sure like this site, how you all are there for each other and newbies,

thanks for being there for me, Hope I can contribute as well.

katleen

[mscat]

Hi Katleen,

you have so much do deal with all at the same time ! This must be highly stressful for you ! I am wondering if you could get some caregiver help ? i have whats called IN Home Support Services where the state pays somebody to come inside my place and help my son and I . Could that be an option for you? I got to choose who I wanted to help me and my son.

I can idenify with the physcial pain and anguish along with the other emotional , mental health issue s that seem to become far worse when trying to cope with the physical pain . I have been there and it is the worse thingto have happen.

I also am suppose to be in physical therapy, but had to cancel the first appoint. and they did not call me about the second appointment so I missed that one too.

I hope you will be ok and make it through this rough time . my thoughts and prayers are withyou,

Cathy

[katleen]

Dears MSCAt

Am on L and I right now for my neck, no other insurance. When I get through this hopefully i will be able to do medicaid again. A little help would be phenominal.

As I heal, at least i think i am, the power of my emotion mind to see things from old perspectives awes me, not necessarily in a good way.I have been on a number of mood stabilizers, but the numbness is akin to that i felt my whole life when i wasn't freaking. Only one antidepressant has ever worked for me. It's unavailable due to cost. So I am doing without now. Am on tramadol, and it in fact has some antidepressant qualities, almost euphoria as they say, but when levels are low it's not good at all. Coming off is like coming off morphine. I know, I forgot to fill my script one weekend. So it's an ongoing struggle.

And I have been watching that all of you struggle, so don't feel so alone.

My friends here don't have a clue about MI, and don't seem too motivated to learn. It's soo hard to ask for help.

Thank you for writing to me and caring. I'd like to really be part of your group. Am hoping i have support to offer, too.

Have a good day, I'm working towards one.

katleen

[mscat]

I wanted to tell you I love your African Gray avater Is that yours ? This is my favorite Parrot of all times , and my dream bird . ..

I think you are doing well , and trying very hard . You have been having it rough , but you are a survivor .

Cathy

[katleen]

Hi Cathy.

I'm a Kathy, too.

Her name is Boo. She's about seven yrs old. Have had her since a baby, i worked at an exotic birdstore that specialized in raising handfed baby parrots and she wasn.t okkay there. Was pulling out her feathers, .

i screwed up today Took my pain med back to my L and I dr, I guess thinking i could get thru withdrawal ok. Long story. My roommate is beside himself, said i didn;t think of him. Guess it'll work out. Hr's worried about me

Also adopted a dog recently. She;s a retriever cross, and so traumatized from losing her owner and being at the shelter. Boo's not happy.

Thank you for the kind words,

I hope we can visit more

katleen

[Luna-]

I don;t nec like everything about being here, but am treated very well and have done some growing and healing,

How are you? I saw your note said three am. Are you up early, late or somewhere else in the world?

I'm confused when you say "being here" where you are "treated very well" - where is that? You also mentioned having to move?

I'm in South Africa. But, alas, sometimes up at 3am.

[katleen]

Hi everyone. Pullin in a bit.

love

katleen

[Hermitt]

Hi Katleen, I can identify with many of the things you talk about, some I can't.

All this med talk though has me thinking you may just be dependent on drugs that aren't really helping you at all. I have found in my case that the more "stuff" I take the worse I get. I just think we humans are guinea pigs for the medical mills. I don't like doctors and I don't like taking pills. Drug interactions can really mess you up and it takes a long time for them to get out of your system.

It took me a few times of drug induced paranoia to come to this conclusion. I have never been as screwed up as when I have been taking drugs, prescribed drugs. I don't and never had been dependent on recreational drugs. I did have a period of alcohol dependency but that was years ago and that did a real number on me. I'm glad that monster doesn't bug me anymore.

I also had many years of very hard work and has left me with many injuries that I suffer with now daily. Now, at this stage of my life when I need help, there isn't any there for me either. Here I spent all those years helping others and now look at me struggle to just get through my days. It's just not fair.

You'd think as we get older things would get easier, but they don't. And there always seems to be some new problem popping up to drive you crazy. :mad: