all time low

[nearlydead]

David Said:Because much of the responses on the SPS section are at the precontemplation stage, I've strayed from here, as have others who might have much insight and wisdom to share. Counterintuitive, conflicting or contradictory views are routinely discounted and dismissed, as such other voices have been silenced.

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. moaning about stuff without then trying to argue it into a different perspective is the cycle that most of us are in. Therefore there is nothing to be gained from the likes of yourself, Mark, Alan, Julian and Malign posting here, as we all tend to slap down your arguments with the same reasons over and over, making progress impossible. Hence going round and round in circles.

I understand that inorder to change we must challenge our most rigid thoughts with more positive ways of looking at our situation, which is why I have broken the parts of this thing into smaller peices.

I can say that I have made progress to level 5 or 6 as regards that I believe that size doesnt really matter to women and that I can please them sexually. I am going to post separately the process of how I did that.

Now I have to tackle and solve 1. Self hate when I look at the thing. 2. How I am going to deal with the ridicule. 3. How to keep faith, that all this will work, especially considering how long this is going to take me. On these issues I would rate myself at a strong 3 maybe 4.

Self hate has to be stopped cold turkey, like stopping smoking. For me it is a habit of thoughts that create my hate. I know this, but I still do it. Which is why I think it is habit. The good news is that a habit is probably the easiest thing to change. Here I would say I am at 4 with frequent relapses. I do OK cleaning my thoughts, its just when I see my penis that it falls apart.

Dealing with ridicule. I know I have to do something, but I dont have a good idea or plan how to tackle it. Level 2.

I wish you Pro's would post more here. We are dogs living for scraps at the moment. It is only the benefit of Irma's constant attention that keeps us here, even though the ladies world view is sometimes at complete odds with my own. Thats meant as a compliment Irma:)

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[IrmaJean]

David,

Although I see the point to your post, the final statement really bugs me.

"In the end, we all pick our poison and our greatest pains usually come at our own hand."

There was no booklet for me choose my size before being born! This is not a "well if you get handed lemons, make lemonade" situation.

It is not a choice to have these feelings. They are cultivated from years and years of feeling ashamed. If it was an overnight sensation I would agree, but it is a gradual emotional decline of bad experiences from an early age that eventually forms a dysfunctional personality

Nobody would ask to feel like this!

I had wondered if offering this information might bring up some anger. This is okay. Anger is informative. I think what David meant by this is that it's in how you have dealt with the perceived defect over the span of your life time. No one doubts your pain, dying inside, nor do we intend to minimize it. We want to help.

More on the article. There is mention of the problem being accentuated when the testicles are also involved (ND, this might pertain to you) in which case the erect penis does not have the same upward and forward lift....making it appear smaller. Also, fears and anxieties may arise after the breakdown of a relationship (Lifeless). Also, ND, losing weight might also help. Some suggestons here...looking at yourself undressed in a full-length mirror. The appearance is different than it would be from above. I think the entire point of this being that it's in your perception of this.

What are you feeling specifically when you look at your penis, ND? Just hate or do you feel something beforehand which then leads to the self-loathing?

Dying Inside brought up a good point when he said that sex is at the forefront of our consciousness when it comes to dating because sex is the thing that makes us feel inadequate.

I really think this exacerbates the entire problem, adds to your anxieties and cheats you out of a real, live intimate relationship by distorting its focus. The focus becomes you and your penis and not the woman in front of you. You want to be enjoying interactions in the moment and living your life. I'm not exactly sure what might best stop these thoughts...maybe something CBT related to change the focus?

And thanks, ND. I agree that this place does need a bit of estrogen...

You know I'm rooting very hard for you. All of you.

[IrmaJean]

Replies to self. Sorry about that. I didn't think my ramblings really applied to ND's new thread, though.

I had a thought this morning. It's probably another of my lady world view thoughts, but nonetheless, I wanted to share it anyhow. I like to share.

I was considering a friend and what he has accomplished with his life and then...for one reason or another... the story of Apollo 13 came to mind. For anyone who might not be familiar with Apollo 13, it was a spaceship that had a mission to land on the moon. This mission had to be aborted when an oxygen tank exploded as the ship was halfway toward its lunar destination. For 4 days the crew survived great hardship...a loss of heat, limited water supply, very little power... but somehow eventually landed safely back on Earth with no loss of life. At one point during the mission it became apparent that life support systems would not be able to sustain life for the time required to make it back to Earth. Several systems were non-compatible with one another and carbon dioxide would not be able to be removed from the air without finding some way to make them compatible. There had to be some way of discovering how to make cube-shaped canisters connect with circular-shaped canisters...or the crew would perish. Ground control found a way to do this by making use the materials that were already on the spaceship, one piece used being a spacesuit return hose.

I think there is a very powerful lesson in this. It speaks to the energy of the gifts that have been bestowed upon us in life ...or even the tragedies...and what we do with that energy. How we make use of what has been given to us...There is an ability within all of us to take something which might feel negative and turn the force or energy within that into something positive. It's a way of working with ourselves instead of against ourselves. I know, ND, maybe it sounds like elephants flying again...but beliefs aren't so concrete as to always be factual. You have to have a little faith as well. Faith can be a very meaningful thing when you use it to empower yourself to do with what you already have. Just a thought..

[dying inside]

Hi Irma,

Yeah I agree, after giving it some thought, there is a lesson in the story. The way I see it is that half of the problem is choice. Those astronauts did not have a choice but to survive. We on the other hand have a choice in the matter, which is most likely what is making us miserable. To cross that line or not to. Take away or control and there might not be the same severity of the problem.

I gave some thought to women and their breasts today, specifically size. Plenty women have small breasts, which I actually like, and although it causes certain mental discomfort for them they are not traumatised by it. The simple fact of having no choice but for their size to be known by all, eradicates the chance of feeling the same way we do.

I think that for me to have any progress in life and love is to wear my heart on my sleeve. Harder said than done, but I see it as the only way forward. The same people we fear the most are the ones that will set us free in the end.

Just through my short experience on this site has had a positive impact. I was so nervous to begin with and sharing my first post was excrutiating, knowing that real people would read it, but step by step i have now become completely comfortable discussing the issue. I thank everyone in this post for that!

Slowly, slowly catches the monkey!!

[nearlydead]

Dying said:The same people we fear the most are the ones that will set us free in the end.

It only take one of these women to tell everyone you are small. I dont know if you have been exposed as small to your peers. But this is another hurdle of this problem that has to be overcome. Secondly, It is only ourselves that can set us free.

WEhave to change our mindsets, our beliefs and our automatic thoughts. There a two ways to do this.

1. Break down our global beliefs into single negative thoughts and then talk back to and question those thoughts by coming up with alternative more positive/helpful thoughts, which together will ultimately change our global beliefs to a state where we can be happy. For me I think this method will take years of work to complete to a stage where I will be able to date again

2. The other method is "to get the religon" and instantly just let it all go, we cannot change our penis's, only our thoughts, so instead of analysing every thought for years to come, just change them to positive ones or ignore them, and get out there and have ago. If anyone can pull this off, they will have discovered an instant cure. I dont know how to do this, as I only came up with the idea 4 hours ago. But could it be as easy as giving up smoking?