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Some kind of dissociation?


WhereIsTheLove
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Hi everyone,

I originally joined this group because I have a friend with DID, but now I am noticing some possible dissociation issues of my own and thought I would see what you think if you don't mind. I am going to talk to my therapist about this when I see her on Thursday, but was looking for the opinion of more than one person.

Anyway, I self-injure (cut) and I also purge. Sometimes I am completely aware that I am doing this myself, but other times it feels like another part of me is doing it to me to punish me. I have tried talking to that part and saying to please stop because it is hurting me but the answer is always no. So I try saying that I know it hurts but it is important to handle things in more constructive ways and I hear her get angry and tell me I know nothing and that she knows how to at least try to cope.

This seems really strange to me... talking to myself. But it does go further than that. A few months ago when I just started lying in bed I heard a little girl, maybe about six years old say really quietly "are we going to die?" And in my mind I have seen a dark room with several girls in it chained to a wall.

I know it might sound like something psychotic and disconnected to reality. But I am aware that none of this is real. The thing I am having trouble with is that I have looked up the "hearing" aspect of it. I don't hear them like they are outside of me. It is like how you "hear" thoughts but I am not thinking them. Like how you hear your conscience, maybe?

What could this be? Does this sound like a BPD experience or maybe something else? I haven't yet been diagnosed with anything, so I don't have much to go on. And I don't know how to bring this up with my therapist without sounding like I am making it up or have some kind of psychotic condition when I am quite sure this is not the case.

I would appreciate any kind of reaction to this at all... Thank you. :)

Posted on 03/09/10, 10:13 pm

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Hi WhereIsTheLove

I don't know about dissociation so can't help with that - but as far as bringing it up in therapy: I'd bring it up just as you have done here. Don't be afraid or shy to bring it up, it doesn't sound to me as if you're making it up.

Consider printing out your post, saying you'd like to talk about "this" and then handing over the piece of paper. How does this sound to you? Personally I find it VERY useful to print out a post where I have already described what I want to bring up. Then I don't forget any of it - it's all right there, and I don't have to stammer through it.

Good luck :)

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