Lost

[Beyondreach]

It has been a while since I was here last. It has been a great run of over a year. However, a series of events has recently winded me. For the first time in a LONG time, I wonder those around me would be better off if I was no longer in their lives. I've been such a burdon on my wife and the folks at work.

My wife tells me time and time again I over react to her and not the rock I used to be. Work tells me I do not communicate as much as I should making everybodies job more difficult. What the hell is wrong with me? What happened to the guy I used to be...the strong confident man? Is that person gone for good?

I often think....well, my wife could claim a terrific like insurance policy, the folks at work would not have to worry about my mishaps and carelessness. I am like a dark cloud and burdon to all of those people. Will my kids have the same problems as me when they grow up in that they see my faults? You live what you learn right?

I feel so lost, tired, and inadequate. What happened to the man I used to be? Would the world be better off without me?

[malign]

BR, looking back over some of your old posts, I noticed that criticism is something that's particularly difficult for you to deal with. I would submit, though, that much criticism comes from the needs of the criticizer, and doesn't really involve you. Even if a person wants to request a change from you, it is possible for them to do it in a non-critical way. If they choose criticism instead, that decision usually is a result of their problems, not yours.

As a result, I'm pretty sure the answer is "No, the world would not be better off without you. Just with a happier you, in it."

[Symora]

Hi Beyondreach, sorry to hear you're down on yourself... never a good thing. I also wonder what happened to the old me.... I know I overdid it for years trying to be superwoman, and now I can't be that anymore so I'm rather confused about who I am now. I figure this is a different stage in life and it's true I can't be what I used to be. I find it rather disappointing though because I used to rock! Bette Davis used to say <getting older is not for sissies>.... I have to agree with her...

What's happened for you to feel that you are no longer who you used to be?

[musemuse]

BR,

I would encourage you to stay around too. No matter what changes come into your life, kids benefit from you being there, teaching them how to overcome and go through the changes!

Changes are about for everyone, not just you. Nothing for anybody is what it used to be, if they admit it. But rather than acknowledging their own changes, people often put it off on others.

Like sisters loosing their building. One sister made a mortage, when there was no mortage, and took the rent and bought herself new and big cars, and did what she could the keep up with the Jones. When the building was lost, she blamed the other sister for not giving her more rent, when she asked for it.

Life is like that. People, first, don't treat you like they want to be treated, then they don't accept resonsibility for what part they shared in the calamity.

Hang in there, my brother. I have determined that others sometimes are just an interruption in your peace.