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If I Could Just Throw Her Away...


tobeistohope
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I had a daydream a few weeks back where I was having an out of body experience, I guess. I was standing on the road looking down at my body laying in the ditch and was thinking if I could just throw me in the ditch and than a new me could walk away, happy and content. I know there are ppl with more than one personality, and I almost I wish I could split into two people...the good one and the bad one and just kind of kick the bad one to the ditch. Is this crazy thinking?:confused:

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Wow, pain doesn't do that for me. Pain makes me withdraw, makes me go to bed and not want to get up again. Pain makes me hurt. For physical pain I can take an aspirin, for emotional pain, there is nothing. And there is no pain than the pain of not liking yourself and not being able to change the very things you hate about yourself, even though it is possible and others do it. It is painful, frustrating, maddening, and that feeling of hopelessness is very depressing.:mad: I think I would rather leave her in the ditch and get on with life, rather than deal with her anymore. :(

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I agree with you completely, John. The emotional pain definatly needs attention, and hopefully with the help of my therapist, I will be able to learn to deal with it and go through the things that are causing the pain in therapy. I've been going for about 7 months now. I just hate all of the pain. It sometimes leaves me unable to function in everyday life which is hard because I am a single mom of 2 teens. My greatest hope is that this depression will not transfer onto them. I want them to have a good life.

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kick the bad one to the ditch

I know this wish, too. I also know that it's impossible to get rid of "the bad" completely, but there is a chance to change by a deep understanding. When you will now, WHY "the bad" is bad, why you consider it bad etc., then you will be "better" - better to yourself, feeling better about yourself, ... It's a long way to go but it's worth trying :(. (I love the process (-therapy)... I wish you to begin to love it, too :D...)

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Actually I think I do like going to therapy. It is a time when I am heard and validated and it is the first time in my life that has happened, I think. A few months ago my therapist asked me if I felt comforted by coming there and I said, actually I feel sick every time I come here! My stomach used to feel really bad for days before I would see him, but last time I saw him I was able to tell him that I was actually comforted being there that day! And I was! :)

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