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Bruised fruit


Calla
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I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but this is how i feel today. Like a piece of bruised fruit. And maybe you can't see how bad it is on the outside until you peel it. And I can't stop shaking. :(

Not sure why? And I am actually going out for the afternoon and evening with some old work mates...a very rare thing. So I wish I didn't feel so bad. Do you think my brain is trying to ruin it for me on purpose?

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Guest GingerSnap

Calla: I am sorry you are feeling that way. My only advise would be what has worked for me: 1. Play my "warrior music" - I'm older - Alice Cooper or Led Zepplin or 2. work/walk/exercise the tension off. I used to wear out a lot of shoes! Remember deep breath and take your mind off of going out. Sorry that is all I have to offer but I wanted to give it a try. Now, you take care.

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Thank you. You're right. I listen to a few great songs sometimes. One in particular called stronger...that might be right for now?!

Exercise would be good but I haven't enough time. Perhaps exercise the mind with some puzzles? That's a distraction too I guess.

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I know I ramble on here a bit but I think long term it's helping me to write it all down (with the odd blip thrown in!) But I've been thinking.....as I often say I haven't suffered any one major thing and so often berate myself for feeling so down. But when I analyse things, I have some confusing things going on and I'm not the best at dealing with problems. And I isolate myself quite a bit but still seem to have these things going on!! What is the answer!!

Anyway, I have had this problem with "the guy" and I decided to try on last time to make peace. Because i hate things up in the air. I know people advised against this because I was setting myself up for another fall. And also it was mostly him being hurtful so really wasn't down to me to make the first move. However, I felt like being the bigger person. And I haven't heard anything back and although I feel "bruised" I also feel like "Ok, I've done my bit now, it's time to move on"

And then I am meeting 2 people today. One of which is the guy who told me he had feelings for me, which I didn't reciprocate. This is the first time we will have seen each other. We have a 2hr train ride to meet our other friend!! I'm worried it will be so awkward. Plus my other mate knows about my guy trouble and said "we'll have a good old natter and moan about things" Something I dont get to do much. But now our other friend is coming I'm going to feel insensitive discussing another man. I know this all seems teenage angst stuff as I have said before but it's just my inability to deal with this kind of stuff that makes me suffer. I mean i feel quite unwell, sore throat and various cold like symptoms. Stupid isn't it?

Anyway thank you for letting me ramble that out :( I think I might be having a mini panic attack.. Albeit one that's lasted most of the morning. Palpatations, slightly difficult to breath. I can deal with it, just need to be stronger.

Edited by Calla
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Hi Calla, are you feeling better now? I think the best thing is not to live it before it happens, let it unfold as it will, don't project negative feelings before it happens. Just tell yourself this will be fun to get together with old friends, and know that you will handle whatever comes just fine. :(

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I am feeling better, thank you. You were right in the end. It was good fun, we sat by the River Thames as the sun went down and had a good laugh. And "the guy" text me and said he hadn't really known what to say and that he was just confused as I always got angry with him....which is a very fair point (it's a defence thing). So we are friends again now!!

So all in all a good night....its nice to post something good for a change!!

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