Obsessions

[Electrum]

I wasn't sure where else to post this, but I've always had doctors tell me this is a type of OCD so I posted it here. If it doesn't quite fit here do to the nature of the obsession then feel free to move it where it's appropriate.

For almost as long as I can remember I've always had an obsession. My obsession will change every few years. One has made it almost a decade but I go thru others.

My recent obsession I've already mentioned in other posts a couple times but it's kinda embarrassing. I've obsessed over celebrities before and it usually lasts a year or more. Ok laugh all you want but I'm obsessed with Dave Mustaine.

I HAVE to listen to his music. I HAVE to see pictures of him on a regular basis otherwise I get anxious. Sometimes I would just stare at picture of him for hours. Maybe even all day. I would be multitasking, usually having pics on my desktop or browser but while doing things I would just stare and stare. So much my mom even noticed eventually and got worried. I remember she said, "it's like you're living in a different world," or something unsettling.

I feel like it's the only reason I live. He's coming out with an autobiography in August and also a concert is coming then and it's like I feel like that's truly the only reason I feel like living. I mean, sure, I love my daughters but the normal motherly survival instinct isn't as strong as it usually is. (At least it doesn't feel that way, maybe it is but I'm so depressed I just don't know it at the moment.)

I mentioned this to a therapist once. I asked her, almost begged her, WHY am I so obsessed!? She told me that if she knew that she'd be rich. They just don't know much about obsessions yet. Is that true?

Anyone else get the obsessive part of OCD pretty bad? I know most people get rituals but I more-so just get straight up obsession.

I feel like I can't get that close to anyone who doesn't really like this band. I've tried writing the lead singer myself and never got a response of course, which really depressed me. I can understand my letter was probably creepy because I went into detail about my mental problems at the time but it was thanking him for helping me get through them. So yeah, I didn't like obsessively write him but I have thought about periodically writing just hoping to eventually get a response.

I spend a lot of time thinking about them, listening, or visualizing the band in my head. I would be lost if they didn't exist. It's almost like I just replace my identity with this obsession. I write here like I want help but I wouldn't have it any other way. I just wouldn't mind hearing other peoples' experiences with obsessions.

I feel like I would have the potential to be one of those crazy celebrity stalkers if I went too far into a mania or psychosis. I've certainly daydreamed it. I would never dream of hurting him but just follow him everywhere, which is undoubtedly creepy but I would have the time of my life if I could physically see him even from a distance every few days. Yes, I'm the creepy psychotic fan lmao

Edited July 12, 2010 by Electrum

[Aaron.X.C]

Deleted...

Edited July 13, 2010 by Aaron.X.C

[xshutterbugx]

I have this to except its not usually over bands though. I get attached to men too easily. I see a guy that looks appealing and I can't stop thinking about him. I never tell him, but he suddenly becomes a fixation in my mind. Don't know how to describe it. But its an odd feeling. Its so hard to admit. I feel like a creep. Theres a guy in my neighbourhood who's just got engaged. He's a good looking bald man. I can't stop thinking about him, wondering what he's doing, where he goes. I won't approach him and say anything. He has got a soon to be wife. I can't do that. But I just can't get him out of my head.

I want these intrusive thoughts to go away. But I don't know how to make them stop. Wish there was a pill to make them cease to exist.

[finding my way]

Have you heard of the concept of projection? It's a strange but very practical thing to know. The mind is so complex; only some of it is accessible to us in our thoughts. The content in our "unconscious" mind can be projected out on to other people or things outside of us. As you get to actually know the person, you discover how they are so different from what you were projecting and it can be really confusing unless you realize, oh, that was coming from me! Everyone does it to some degree, so they say. On the practical side, it is a great way to get to know yourself. List the traits of this neighbourhood guy and explore why you might be drawn to those traits. You could learn something valuable. And being generous with yourself and letting you learn over time how to separate these thoughts from the person will help you too. Then you will be able to relate to people as they are and see how they are separate from your stuff. I'm not saying it's easy to do at first! Can be very tough. Working with a therapist can help.