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One bummed-out bum


flat_affect
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Don't know if this belongs in urgent need but I'm just having a really crappy day and feeling damn low.

Last week I had to go to a food bank for the first time in my life because my part-time job wasn't cutting it. While there, a gentleman had a heart attack, and I was able to perform CPR until the paramedics arrived to restart his heart.

It felt good to do something right for a change, ya know.

Then, yesterday, I got laid off from the job. I now have a total income (after rent) of about 2600.00 a year. In Toronto.

There's no way in hell I can even start looking for full time work right now. The job I had was only three days a week and even that could be too much t deal with. I have no confidence anymore and, thanks to the last several years of depressive episodes, my resume has gone from "up and comer" to "christ, what happened to him?".

I'm just really low on "it'll all be ok" right now. I'm tired of having to start again, and this time I just don't have any gas to start with.

Thanks for listening to me bitch. I love you guys,

Sean.

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I'm gonna start by saying ....wow thats amazing! you saved someone's life! I'm sure that did feel good, thats such a thing to be proud of!!

And then :P I'm sorry things are going so bad. As we've spoken about before I know the thing about working full time. And I feel that I am a "christ what happened" too.

I won't tell you "it'll all be ok" cause I know how hard it is and how easy that makes it sound. I wish I could come up with some great pearls of wisdom right now.

But I'll just say we are always hear to listen and we love you too :D

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Bummed out bum, that's funny! You actually have a great sense of humour for someone with flat affect...:(

First thing is congrats on saving that person ... you can actually say you did some like that in you life... must have felt pretty good!

Second, I'm really sorry about your losing your job - that sucks... Go to Social Services, or UI if you have enough weeks, don't even hesitate. That's what it's there for, and although it is rather pitiful, it is much better than your $2,600 present annual. We all need help at some point and that's why the system is there....

Are you seeing a doctor Flat? If you have been bummed out for that long you need to get medical care, if you're not already (sorry, I can't remember :o).

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Thanks both.

I am seeing my GP regularly but it's just been "fun with pharmacology". I've been trying to find a therapist covered under ohip but no luck so far, though I'm running down a few new leads. I really hate being on the meds (celexa, wellbutrin, risperidone and clonazepam at present) - they make me feel dull and make me gain weight. I think I could work through a lot with a good therapist. We live in hope.

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Sorry I ousted your thread from the top cause I am selfish. :rolleyes:

I hope you find someone to help you. I don't like the idea of taking meds. Never tried but I have heard people say about feeling numb or dull. But then I don't really know much about it, suppose its trial and error.

I hope therapy works for you :o

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I'm just really low on "it'll all be ok" right now. I'm tired of having to start again, and this time I just don't have any gas to start with.

Wow flat affect -- I am so there with you! I can't even hear "It'll get better, just keep going" any more. That's been my whole life, just waiting for it to get better. And now, finally, after 30 years of the message that my suffering now would lead to a good future, I've finally given up hope in that good future. Lost belief in "it'll get better." So that statement has no meaning to me any more. It's like a dead air when people say it.

I can't help, just say I'm there with you. The only thing that helped me a tiny bit lately is the side-effect from Wellbutrin when I started it -- it gave me energy! I still feel sad, but have a bit more energy. And it's the energy I need more than the lack-of-sadness, because I think the energy will help me accomplish something instead of the nothing I've been producing for so long.

Good luck with the job. I hope you find a situation that works for you.

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