BeePea humour

[Luna-]

The Bipolar room needs a little sprucing up, IMHO. Let's write BP jokes on the walls. My interior decorating judgment may be questionable so feel free to alter the colour scheme to suit your mood.

Bipolarbears can be witty when manic (when we aren't irritated or argumentative or grumpy or critical or generally impossible to reason with) and there seem to be quite a few bipolar jokes out there in the world. Most of these have already been posted in my other humour thread, but I think some of the jokes can stand repeating.

Drum roll, please...

You might be Bipolar if -

* The sun is too loud.

* Trees begin to chase you.

* You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

* You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

* You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

* You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up!

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

* Things become "Very Clear".

* You begin speaking in a language that only you and chandeliers can understand.

* You tell the same BP jokes that you have told before.

* The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.

* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

* You and Reality file for divorce.

* You can skip without a rope.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

* You can travel without moving.

* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

* You suddenly understand the meaning of life and see how everything is connected.

* You feel compelled to explain this meaning to everyone.

* You just bought the Kenny G and Barry Manilow box set just because.

* You know the names of at least eight antidepressants, six mood stabilizers and four anti-psychotics. Plus a few sleeping pills.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You bring your own research to the doctor’s.

* Last night you understood the secrets to the universe and this morning you are contemplating whether the jam goes on top of the peanut butter or under it.

[Luna-]

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm manic-depressive.

Psychiatrist: Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up...

[Luna-]

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.

"I'm not aware of your problem." the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient.

"In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

[Luna-]

Bipolar and loving it. Bipolar and hating it.

Postcard from a bipolar on holiday:

"Having a wonderful time. Wish I was dead."

Christmas carol for the Manic:

"Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ... and Spare No Expense!"

[Luna-]

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER

1. Thou shalt not blame everything on chemical imbalance.

2. Thou shalt avoid high places and sharp objects when on either extreme of the mood spectrum.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s shiny trinkets.

4. Thou shalt not trust any shrink who writes thee up a prescription after the first 10 minutes.

5. Thou shalt not beat up anyone during a manic episode, no matter how much ye really want to, or how much they deserve it.

6. Thou shalt not indulge in immaturity whenever the urge strikes thee.

7. Thou shalt not break stuff that does not belong to thee.

8. Thou shalt go to bed even if thee do not feel tired.

9. Thou shalt allow others to occasionally get a word in edgewise.

10. Thou shalt not phone thy colleagues at 3am with thy latest get-rich-quick scheme.

--

11. Thou shalt not go on joke-posting sprees on bipolar forums when thee should be in bed ...

[LaLa]

Thanks, Luna! It's all so sad, but one still has to laugh...

P.S.: The 11th commandement is great But I'm glad you didn't obey it

[Guy Out There]

That cheered me up and made me laugh.

Now i feel depressed because i relate to most of those jokes.

Ironically i think i've got bipolar, only a bipolar could be diagnosed from a joke.

Now i feel funny after writing some bipolar jokes.

[LaLa]

Hi, Guy Out There,

Nice to see you're already fine (I know; relatively - I compare it with the situation recently described in the Urgent need forum...) and write so good "jokes"!!!

[Guy Out There]

Hi LaLa3,

I'm feeling alot better now thanks! Glad you liked the 'Jokes'!

Take Care Yourself, Jack

[DahliMOMMA]

:)You MADE MY DAY!!!!:)

[Luna-]

I'm glad, Dahlimomma

A Manic's Prayer

Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST.

God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they are usually NOT my fault.

God, help me not to try to RUN everything, but if You need some help, please feel free to ASK ME!

Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY RIGHT.

God, help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties,& dancing.

God, give me patience, and I mean NOW!

Lord, help me not be a perfectionist .(Did I write that correctly?)

God, help me to finish everything that I sta. . . Amen

[Luna-]

My husband was growing tired of my bipolar moods, so he went out and bought me a mood ring, so he could better monitor my moods. We have discovered that on a happy day, when I am feeling up, it turns green. On a sad day, the ring turns blue. However, when I am having a really bad day he can tell by the big friggin' red mark it leaves in the middle of his forehead...