exhausted

[danni]

Ever had "one of those days" every day?? Well....it's been one of those weeks. The "mask" isn't even working very well this week. I take such pride in being always in control, smile on my face, able to help with everything brought to me. But today, for probably the first time at work, I had one person tell me I looked sad and another say I looked tired. I'm embarassed because usually I can hide it so much better than that!! I smiled and said that I really was OK. I think they bought it. Most people I don't think noticed, fortunately. I think I handled the more than usual string of people who had a "fire" they wanted me to put out OK.

But....now the truth comes as I'm here so exhausted but unable to sleep because of the racing thoughts of everything I have to get done tommorrow. It was really nice for a couple of weeks to only have to do my job and that of one other person on leave but starting tomorrow, another goes on vacation for two weeks and I am weary at even the thought of being 3 full time people. This has been going on for a year now!! A part of me looks back and thinks...wow...look at all I got done. Another part realizes that I have paid a price for all the long hours and very few days off. I'm especially weary because I am the emergency on-call person this weekend for the agency so it will be another long stretch between having any time for myself. God....even saying that sounds selfish to me!!

why does the thought of going to work tomorrow leave me at the edge of tears. I like my job, I love my clients and the people I work with. I guess I'm just burned out and need a second wind. Oh well....I know I'll show up tomorrow with that smile back where it's supposed to be. I'll just be more careful not to let what's inside show. Give me my hose and my dalmation and bring on those "fires"!

I'm not really looking for advice. The situation is what it is. I just needed to put somewhere that what shows on the outside is not what's felt on the inside. Thanks for listening

[Jetliner]

..........

[Luna-]

Dear, dear danni,

... This has been going on for a year now!! ...

... I guess I'm just burned out ...

Can I take out the 'just' from the above, Superwoman? I can't see you but I can HEAR the exhaustion in your words. :eek:

I know well that racing mind full of tomorrow's tasks that cannot switch off. It's the curse of those of us working in the helping professions. But my last burnout, after four years of exhaustion, led to a suicidal breakdown, two years of continuous cycling with more suicidality and four hospitalisations. I know you are strong - very strong - but please slow down before something gives? You have so much to give, but as Jetliner says you are DEEEEP in overdraft. And you know this, friend...

Gently,

Luna

[IrmaJean]

Why does it all come back on you? Is it assumed that you will cover for everyone? Maybe it's time for your vacation.

Wanting time for yourself isn't selfish. This is something all of us need and deserve. This is an important part of taking care of oneself. I've seen the damage that can be done when someone does nothing but give to others. By the same token, filling your own cup will also give you that much more energy to freely give of yourself to others.

From the perspective of a client, I really don't think it's all that bad to let a little of your humanity slip through at times. It reminds us that we're talking with another person, one who has emotions and one who gets tired just the same as the rest of us. It may then be easier to show a little more of our own fears, doubts and emotions.

Here you are working your tail off and then coming on here and offering even more support (while also giving it to friends such as myself). You offer a calm voice, a voice of reason...Maybe one day I will learn to balance my emotions with my intellect in the way that you do so very well. Still working on that one...I do want you to know that you are very much appreciated.

I hope there is someone there who can be supportive and listen to you too. Smiles feel a lot better when they come from within and you deserve to feel it from within. I hope you get some rest and time to yourself soon. You deserve it. Take care.

[Guest GingerSnap]

danni: I listened. Wishing you strength and always here to listen. Cathy

[danni]

It doesn't all come back to me. There's another department director who is 3 people this week and next. She was on call last weekend and looked like she was ready to drop today. We both had a friday 4PM crisis to handle so after they were handled we had "therapy" in my office. Ok...so it wasn't therapy...we closed the door and ate chocolate.

I turned on the emergency on-call phone at 5PM and my first call was at 5:03. It hasn't stopped since. I don't mind being on call but I am also pretty protective of my weekends. I really need those 2 days in the middle of things to walk away from work. On call weekends make it a pretty long stressful stretch before there's another day off.

[Proverbs31:28]

Wow! This resonates so much with me. I haven't been able to work for a few years but, when I did, I was in much the same boat: always have to be on my "A game" all the time and never able to let others know how difficult that was for me! Since you don't want advice, I won't throw any at you. I really don't have answers, anyway! But, I will offer support, a listening ear and the knowledge that you're not alone. I hope you do get a break soon and a chance to focus on yourself.