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The bad days are getting worse


AmyeH
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Amye

That sounds dreadful. Especially the suicidal feelings sound horrid and so out of the blue!

Contact your pdoc and let him know. This is new, right, the suicidal thoughts?

The following may or may not be relevant. I don't know. But if the suicidal feelings are something new, there is a small chance they could be due to Efexor. SSRIs as well as SNRIs carry a black box warning that they can cause suicidal feelings and increase suicidality, especially among teens. I know you're not a teen but you are 25 (right?) and perhaps the med is not that selective as to precise age. I don't want to alarm you, this may not be the case for you, but you do sound worse. :rolleyes:

You are still on a low dose of Efexor (75mg, I think?) and at that dose it predominantly acts on serotonin and weaker on noradrenaline. (In higher doses eg 150 to 225mg, it works the other way around.) Given that you had serotonin syndrome on the two SSRIs, you may be more sensitive than most to ADs (?)

Contact your pdoc.

Thinking of you.

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Well as we've found out today we have a lot in common! So I understand those intrusive thoughts. If ever I am near an oven hob I feel I want to put my hand on the hot ring. And I am scared of heights because I feel like I am going to throw myself over. But like you say it's not suicidal or even that I want to be hurt. It's just that my brain keeps telling me I am going to do it. It's like I always worry I am going to blurt out an offensive word when speaking to someone important!

You've been very helpful to me today and I wish I could return the favour!! But I am not wise at this as you know :rolleyes: But as you say we can both get there if we stay strong. I really hope you get some good help next week.

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  • 2 weeks later...
They're not suicidal thoughts though, that's the thing... In fact, at least I can say now, that is the last thing I would EVER do and don't ever wish to do that.... It's just some twisted way of getting attention or something I guess... Like to injure myself and go to the hospital. A cry for help. I don't know.

I think the more I have been feeling down and depressed, it's been mixing with the OCD intrusive thoughts, and that's what has come out the end of it... A mix of the both. Not pleasant.

I'm 25 yeah... I do hope that the feelings won't turn in to something more serious. I really can't see them doing that because even, as bad as things are, like I say, the idea of hurting myself and end up killing myself is not the way I want things to go! For now, oh boy, I could actually see myself doing something to be honest like those thoughts I have though.

I need to go to my psychiatrist next week to get another prescription, but have only been on 75mg for 2 1/2 weeks - He said that I should be on 75mg for a month and then most likely go up to 150mg. Not sure what he's going to recommend next week. It's highly possible that anyway, I've only been on the Effexor for 2 1/2 weeks and may need to give it another couple of weeks to start working fully... but of course, even then, maybe the dose is too low.

Not sure.

I have similar thoughts and wonder how common it is. Like when in someone's car in the passenger seat I always have a thought of just opening the door and throwing myself out. I've had that thought for years and always put the child lock on when I sit in a car. I would never do it but I always imagine it. Only about 20 minutes ago I was imagining stabbing myself if someone said something to upset me just to make them stop, warning them if they insulted me about that particular thing again I would kill myself.

Again it's just fantasies and I doubt I'd actually do it. I always have thoughts of what peoples feelings would be if I died. Always imagine certain people would feel sorry that they didn't make more of an effort with me. I realise those thoughts are just selfish but I am wondering where they stem from? Maybe I crave attention when I don't really receive any?

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I've had thoughts like that for years, and always assumed they are fairly common, at least among people who are having a rough time. Even when things have been at their worst, I've been fairly confident that I would not actually harm myself -- but I will still imagine, as I drive down the street, simply turning the wheel and wrecking the car. I can visualize it so clearly that it's kind of scary.

I don't think it's that I want attention, and I don't think it's that I want to harm myself. I think it's just that what's going on in my life is so painful that I have to imagine a way out, a way to find peace, just to get through it all.

And I've certainly reached the point, more than once, where I just don't care anymore. I'm close to that point again right now. Just wondering what's the point in going on, because I always manage to ruin my life again anyway, no matter how hard I try to make it better. However, my goal is to keep moving forward, and hoping that tomorrow will be a little better. Maybe it will be?

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Hi Amy

How are you doing? Its been a while since I have "talked" with you.. Getting filled in a little from what I missed.

I think one of my first original replys to you I talked about if there was any "trauma" in your past. I'm sorry there was and the build up was what I was talking about because that is what happened to me...

And yes reflecting, accepting and learning is how we keep moving forward... :)

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I'm ok little on the manic side for a change and I think I am exhausting myself to keep from going to high or letting myself go down from little stuff that goes on.

Did you know I had 2 lung clots about 2 months ago? Yup, another side effect to the meds.

So I was in emergency room after a week of Dr's including cardiologist and another ER who sent me home and finally my primary Dr went through the records and said to go straight to the ER and she found my source of chest pain and they told me I was very lucky to be alive. That really hit me pretty hard. Although i have been suicidal in my past being told I could easily and should be dead, and I need to take coumadin to stay alive was a very twisted feeling to deal with.

Still haveing some pain and shortness of breath but thats ok....

Yeah any significant episodes in our past that causes us so much discomfort whether it is physical or mental can be "traumatizing" for us. I was just at my therpaist last night and we talked about many situations in my life that happened that just made me nuts and I kept it internally.

But I think being able to understand it, and put a perspective on it can help us move. It may not necessarily be in the form of forigiveness, we dont have to forgive to move on but just being able to think about it and know how it affected us and then how we prepare ourselves now if ever a similiar situation came up.

So as we understand, we learn. I am very happy you found a Pdoc and I hope this one you will feel comfortable with to forge forward and receive help....:)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Amy and Linda,

Amy, Effexor is a wonderful medication. 150 mg is good and after about four weeks you should start to really feel the benefits. In fact, you may start to feel the benefits gradually before the end of four weeks. Be patient and give it time.

Linda,

OMG, you had a blood clot on your lung? That is traumatic, very traumatic. Do they know what caused it and how are they treating the cause? And, how are you feeling now, both physically and emotionally.

Allan:(

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Hi Amye :o

Just two things:

I've been on an SNRI (Effexor) for just over a month and waiting for that to give me some relief, but I was on a low dosage for a month so it didn't do anything and takes time anyway. The last 4 days, I've been on 150mg, and will be on that for another 3 weeks until I see my psychiatrist again. Then we'll see about it possibly being raised again.

Although 150mg is a common dose, 75mg is also a "therapeutic dose", not a low dose, necessarily. What this means for you is that the month you spent on 75mg has likely brought you closer to when it begins to work. I hope I am making sense. That month was not wasted. I was on 75mg for years and it was enough. Relief may be closer than you think. Just in case that makes you feel any better.

My homework from the psychologist is to write down what makes me anxious (a list of obsessions and compulsions and rate them from 0-100) --- I have so many things written down that make me feel anxious, and they are not even minor things. 23 things I have so far, and now I kinda see why I am in this situation that I am today. I have a lot to work on.

I think you'll find once you've worked on the biggies many of the others will shrink. :)

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Hi Allan yes since my pdoc and I are thinking out of the box again and going back to basics with meds, we were trying the birth control pill, after one month I started feeling chest pain, winded etc. My eeg was a little abnormal in the Dr office so they sent me to the ER, Fourth of July weekend (Monday), great what a wrong time to be at an ER at the Jersey shore!!!!

They couldnt find anything so they sent me home. Figured I pursue my cardiologist, he said everything seemed fine, just schedule stress test etc,

Being in more pain I went to my primary again but had a cough now, diagnosed as bronchitis(Wed) ok next day still felt real bad I went bAck to primary again (friday)but a different partner and she said you have sarcoidosis and they never did a lung function test on me??

She was so frantic she sent me to the ER immediately and told them what tests to do, sure enough I had 2 large saddle embolisms.

Immediately admitted and they told me they dont know how I am still alive!!! So was in the hospital, bleeding all over the place literally and now home on coumadin. Talk about a a totally different trauma???

Indeed!!! and I had my share of shutdowns since but luckily I am still hanging in there keeping the strength to not go to up and to not go to down... NO more hospitals of any kind!!! :o

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Oh, man, that sounds friggin terrible. Super props, lass, for keeping at it. I can't personally relate to your specific type of suffering but my heart goes way out to you on this, kind of makes you wonder why they can't just get the pharmaceutical crap in order so that the side effects aren't worse than the symptoms they treat. Are you really a mother of 7?

That is completely incredible, my wife and dream of having 6 kids, any tips?

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yes I have 7 children 10 to 23 and I have been married for 26 yrs. And without their support, intervention, I would be dead. 4 yrs of all the typical meds that either dont work, or they just about kill me, so go figure I have my tubes tied and I have to take a birth control pill for some relief of mood instability. Then this. Par for the course I guess?? But, thats me... My pdoc I think should write a book!!! :-)

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