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Is recovery worth the anguish & suffering


windsybarbie
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Hi There: :):confused::)

Right now I need encouragement that I will be okay and once I start working with my inner family things will be okay. I feel so abandoned and neglected and I try to be positive and hopeful. Lately I wonder, WHY, I can go down the wrong road, but now I have things to look forward to, but I am afraid of the past.

My widowed brother, who in the past was there for me, just called me after 2wks. I could only talk to him for 10 min, and he knows I got my memories. While I have really been processing for 5 yrs, he was with me thru the worst, and now he is in denial. He said what are you depressed? I tried to tell him NO contact from my siblings. It hurts so much too be alone, and too be misunderstood and be their scapegoat. In the past I tried to send him some DID info to look at, but no mention of it, and now I don't even think he would go to T with me.

I have been thru hell and back and always there for others. When I NEED the support, it sems it is NOT there. I was afraid when the feelings came out, I would not be able to handle it, and my protector was right. Now I am feeling instead of being a shell and a robot, and I am all alone, just as I have for since age 4.

In past when I was not getting the response of support which I was hoping for, I would take a few extra pills. I never wanted to die, I am scared of dying, but I wonder why do I work so hard to keep living. My family have disowned me b/c I finally have a reason for my crashes. I also have fibro & ibs and go for injections every 6 wks to continue working at a high school.

The only hope I have is that I start work in 2 wks, and I can be focused on something else not self help etc....

Lately all I am doing is crying and getting activated alot more and not being in present and focused. I see my pdoc for 30 min today and I have to wait until Wed to talk to my inner child (exile that remembered). Thx for listening.....I would be interested to know how others handle rejection....

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I'm sorry you're feeling down, Windsy. :) It's tough to be struggling emotionally and then lose the support of a family member. I hope things aren't too painful for you tonight.

I'm looking at your thread title and my answer to your question would be a resounding yes! When you find a place of serenity with your past pains, this will free up your resources to potentially experience more positive feelings. The road to recovery can be a struggle, but finding contentment with your life can lead to new and positive experiences.

I am wondering, do you have a therapist in addition to your pdoc? Is there someone to confide in who will be there for you and support you through this? I hope you keep expressing yourself here. Hopefully others will soon offer their support as well.

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Irma Jean: What you say rings, true. Thanks...

Yes I see my IFS Therapist this morning and I would like to talk to my inner family, as they are really activated lately. I have not been myself, since Wed, and this has never happened b4. My pdoc knows, I saw him Monday.

This am, I just emailed my T (first time) and I asked for a bean bag chair, sand tray, puppets for my am session. I only have 5 min and then I was going to learn how to talk to my inner family and try to do it on my own, when they are activated.:) But as I told him in email, little windsy can't tell him the summary of last 10 days,but we can ian an email. I hope this makes sense, as I just ramble lately....

For 3 nights in a row I have been sleeping maybe less than 4 hrs, last night was 1 and then toss & turn and computer since 7am. I am just starting remembering stage of PTSD, I have been down for a while, but now more positive. Yesterday I had a nail in my tire, signed up for a consultation how to put on makeup, rescheduled app't I had. I was frazzled for 1/2 and then okay for an hour when auto club came. Things can only get better,,,,Right...Thanks for listening to my post. I hope you have a good day Irma Jean....Take Care

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