windsybarbie Posted August 23, 2010 Report Share Posted August 23, 2010 Hi There: :confused:Right now I need encouragement that I will be okay and once I start working with my inner family things will be okay. I feel so abandoned and neglected and I try to be positive and hopeful. Lately I wonder, WHY, I can go down the wrong road, but now I have things to look forward to, but I am afraid of the past. My widowed brother, who in the past was there for me, just called me after 2wks. I could only talk to him for 10 min, and he knows I got my memories. While I have really been processing for 5 yrs, he was with me thru the worst, and now he is in denial. He said what are you depressed? I tried to tell him NO contact from my siblings. It hurts so much too be alone, and too be misunderstood and be their scapegoat. In the past I tried to send him some DID info to look at, but no mention of it, and now I don't even think he would go to T with me. I have been thru hell and back and always there for others. When I NEED the support, it sems it is NOT there. I was afraid when the feelings came out, I would not be able to handle it, and my protector was right. Now I am feeling instead of being a shell and a robot, and I am all alone, just as I have for since age 4. In past when I was not getting the response of support which I was hoping for, I would take a few extra pills. I never wanted to die, I am scared of dying, but I wonder why do I work so hard to keep living. My family have disowned me b/c I finally have a reason for my crashes. I also have fibro & ibs and go for injections every 6 wks to continue working at a high school.The only hope I have is that I start work in 2 wks, and I can be focused on something else not self help etc....Lately all I am doing is crying and getting activated alot more and not being in present and focused. I see my pdoc for 30 min today and I have to wait until Wed to talk to my inner child (exile that remembered). Thx for listening.....I would be interested to know how others handle rejection.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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