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Avoidance/isolation just got a heckuva lot easier!


Proverbs31:28
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I have decided to homeschool my kids this year because of my daughter's health. This is good for me mentally in that it means I don't spend my days worrying about them- they are a huge component of my anxiety issues! But, at the same time, it means I really have NO reason to leave my house anymore. When they were in school, I would visit their classrooms, help their teachers, attend school functions, birthday parties, etc. We still go to church on Sundays but I only interact with the same handful of people each week. I am signing the kids up for a homeschooling group because I don't want them isolated, so, starting next month, I will be forced back into at least weekly interaction with others. But, honestly, I still see myself avoiding real interaction and having a very surface relationship with these people- just to get my kids what they need. I guess I should be comforted by the relative ease this brings to my avoidance & isolation tendencies but, for some reason, it also makes me feel more broken. Its like I know this isn't a good thing despite how very much it works for me.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Proverbs,

As you are very well aware, the isolation really does not work for you. But, you are aware of the struggle. Its just that the isolation reduces your anxiety, but, then you feel bad about yourself.

At least you have some people you see. Also, do you get out of the house for walks and strolls in the park, shopping, etc?

Allan:)

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I shop twice a month out of necessity. Usually early morning or mid day when fewer people are around. I don't really do "strolls" as it is just way too hot and we really don't live in area conducive to strolling. Its not a bad area, but we live right off a major highway so no place to stroll really.

Sometimes I think the isolation works just fine. Keeps triggers at bay and allows me to avoid any uncomfortable situations. But, as you said, then I feel bad because I know thats not healthy.

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I understand how you feel. I avoid most social situations. I have to work though so that forces me out now and then. Which I guess is a good thing.

I know what you mean about it sometimes working. Can keep highs and lows at bay because there is no outside interference. I don't know about you but I am now finding there just aren't any "highs" so thinking do I risk the "lows"...obviously I only mean from human interaction not any other kind of high!!

Having a surface relationship may not sound good but i think it's a good way to start. Maybe then some more meaningful friendships may form. I hate it when people try to be really friendly straight away, a friendship should develop slowly I think.

Sorry not much advice just understanding :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm the same way, I don't tend to leave the house unless I absolutely have to. This drives me mad when I want to go out for fun say, because I find some excuse to stay in, eg 'can't afford it' or 'weather is bad' or 'I'll be too tired & wish I'd stayed in' etc etc and then get frustrated with myself! I've gone for days constantly telling myself each evening 'I'll definitely go out tomorrow...' but ended up not stepping outside for weeks!

Having a job always helped me get out more because I had to go out but since being bullied in my last job my isolation has worsened.

I'm trying to get myself to go out, trying to face my fears and feel that it's ok to go out without a good reason. That it's ok to go out just for fun and that I won't spend too much money and nothing bad will happen. That I don't have to have a 'purpose' for going out. That it's ok and I am safe.

I think that's part of it. I was bullied from early on and I think we go through life believing that the world is not for us and that we don't belong in it. That the streets out there are for other people, including our bullies, and we should not be on them unless we have a good reason to be. Wow, what a revelation - the bullies are our gestapo :confused:

We have been intimidated at some point into thinking that life is not for us, that the world out there is not for us and that we do not belong.

But the truth is (and I notice OP you have a religious username so I think you might be receptive to this) I realised the other day that I have just as much right to be here as the bullies do. That God created me and wanted me here just as much as them. He wants me to live. Staying cocooned at home isn't truly returning to him/being in some sort of pseudo heaven and hiding from the world because we are still alive on this planet. If he wanted us to come home he would have taken us the first time we holed ourselves up in our bedrooms under the duvet and we would no longer be alive! The fact that we are still alive when we are hiding at home is testament to the fact that God loves us and wants us here. He wants us to live. Those streets belong to us as much as they belong to those who have hurt us. Does that help?

It's helping me :P xxxxx

Edited by GettingWiser
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