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Is this a reason to leave the site?


Fedup
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Had a bit of a worrying dream last night and I can only link to to reading about paedophilia on here. It is not uncommon for me to dream about things I have been reading or thinking about during the day. Anyway in my dream me and a few others were competing to try and pull a couple of 13 year old girls. There didn't seem to be an taboo about it in the dream and some of my real life friends were encouraging me to go for it, which would never happen! Anyway to cut a long story short they were in my bedroom and one of my cousins who is similar age to me was fighting with a younger lad about who was going to pull one of them in a different bedroom. I went in by myself and ended up just talking to the girls saying they're fighting over who is going to pull you in there and they laughed saying non of them are. Once in the room I sort of recognised how old they were and treated them as such and just started to rob their sweets. The dream ended there and nothing physical but it's a little disconcerting I must admit. I am a very vivid dreamer at the best of times.

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Fed,

Personally, I don't believe that people "turn into" someone they're not. In fact, in your dream, you specifically did not turn into a pedophile. You weren't a saint, but you didn't molest anyone. Well, no one's a saint, so it sounds like you turned out to be ... normal?

One thing it did suggest to me, and it's something I think about in the SPS a lot, is that it seems to me as if a big part of the problem lies in objectifying women (and in many cases, men as well.) What I mean is, because of the intense anxiety that surrounds the possibility of being made fun of, other people are reduced to nothing more than potential sources of pain. Or pleasure, if you happen to find one who's willing to have sex with you.

Other men might see you in the bathroom and make fun of you. They might be your buddies, but they'll never be your friends, people you tell your worst fears to. Women are seen as having only one purpose, to have sex with. Maybe there's a distant imagination of love and comfort with a woman, but the assumption seems to be that all relationships begin with sex, and if you're lucky, go on from there. The idea of talking to women just to find out what they think doesn't seem to play any part in this concept of the world.

It's no wonder so much emphasis is put on sex organs, in that view of things.

But in your dream, when you were alone with the girls, you started to relate to them as humans, to want to protect them and get to know them. Maybe you're trying to tell yourself it's not all about sex?

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I can understand how this was disconcerting for you, but I wouldn't take any dream too literally, Fedup. Dreams are largely symbolic. It more than likely represents some challenge or difficulty you have been facing in your life and has nothing to do with underage girls. I'm sorry you were upset by the dream. I hope you stay here with us on the site.

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Women are seen as having only one purpose, to have sex with. Maybe there's a distant imagination of love and comfort with a woman, but the assumption seems to be that all relationships begin with sex, and if you're lucky, go on from there.

Adding to what Malign wrote (we cross-posted), I often find myself very baffled with the seemingly strong focus on sex as well. I know I haven't been on the dating scene for decades, but I also don't quite understand why so many seem to be having sexual relations so soon in a relationship. :confused: It would seem to me to take all of the meaning out of getting there...But, then again, I'm a somewhat sheltered country girl with idealistic tendencies.

I think what JR wrote this morning in the Virginity thread (Post #20) was quite meaningful. Intimacy with an emphasis on performance isn't very meaningful in the long run.

Edited by IrmaJean
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Hey thx. I think I might just avoid the sexuality forum as don't really have much to offer on there any more.

On the thinking of women as sex objects. I have been on 4 dates I think this year and 3 of them it was the women pushing me for sex and the other didn't turn out to be anything. This has got me thinking that I've got to be skilled in sex for them to stick around, which is the reason I have become obsessed with having sex.

Maybe instead of changing myself I should be patient for the right woman? It's quite hard though as I meet no-one thought how I make money and my social circles means I will always meet girls just after sex. I'm going to have to change my whole lifestyle to meet a girl who will suit me because someone who is just not after sex will most likely disagree with some of my life choices. Hopefully I will meet this girl and willingly change.

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As to waiting: I've been waiting my whole life for the 'right one.' I'm nineteen, so still youg, but I've never been on a date or kissed a guy because I know that my soulmate is out there, and I'm waiting for him. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, and I do hang out with lots of guys, so it's not like I'm locking myself in a little box. I'm just trusting God to keep his promise to me, and in turn, keeping my promise to my future husband that I'm waiting for him :)

I hope that helps,

Song

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I'm 17, I'm also waiting for the right one(right girl) as well :)

(I'm a guy obviously)

As to waiting: I've been waiting my whole life for the 'right one.' I'm nineteen, so still youg, but I've never been on a date or kissed a guy because I know that my soulmate is out there, and I'm waiting for him. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, and I do hang out with lots of guys, so it's not like I'm locking myself in a little box. I'm just trusting God to keep his promise to me, and in turn, keeping my promise to my future husband that I'm waiting for him :)

I hope that helps,

Song

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