confusedboy16 Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 Hello,I'm ConfusedBoy. Recently, since two weeks ago, I've been worrying about being a pedophile. Everyone says it's OCD, because I've obbsessed over this before, along with thinking I was a psychopath, but, this time it f eel real. I feel like I am genuinly attracted to children. I'm confused and feeling depressed and suicidal. I keep thinking if I am one I'll kill myself. The reason I worry is because I have masturbated over children before. I've seen children, well I think they were children, out and about, and found them attracted. I've never thought about having sex with a child, or anyone at that. Now a male, female or child. I have NO sexual desire. I'm 16, gay, and have a foot fetish. I get worried about going out in public, incase I see a child. I'm constantly questioning myself, saying "what if...", "I will kill myself if I'm one...". I just can't get it out of my head. I don't know what to do. It comes and goes. I may obbsess one week, then it's gone the next. When the obbsession is not there I don't even notice children. The thought of a child never comes into my mind. I don't worry about this. I feel like I'm just in denial, am I? Am I a monster? Am I just "confused"? If so, how can I just be confused? I feel like my mind's playing trick's on me, but I think this attraction is real. I worry what I might do when I'm older, I've read a pedophile always acts on their urges. Even if I see a child on the TV I have to turn over, or something about a child, etc. I've had thoughts in my head, thoughts which just pop up. I'm so worried. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 Confused,My first suggestion would be to look at what you just wrote.My (non-professional) analysis:Pedophile does not yell about it in large red letters.Obsessive does.Have you received any treatment at all for OCD? Wouldn't it make sense to try that first, before assuming it's something else or even killing yourself?What should you do? Go get treatment for OCD. Then, see whether you need treatment for something else. Okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted October 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 1, 2010 Confused,My first suggestion would be to look at what you just wrote.My (non-professional) analysis:Pedophile does not yell about it in large red letters.Obsessive does.Have you received any treatment at all for OCD? Wouldn't it make sense to try that first, before assuming it's something else or even killing yourself?What should you do? Go get treatment for OCD. Then, see whether you need treatment for something else. Okay?Malign,Why don't they? I don't know what to do! I don't want to be one! I can't live like that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted October 1, 2010 Report Share Posted October 1, 2010 I would imagine that a true pedophile would not shout about it because they would want to keep doing it.There are lots of things I don't want to be, Confused. But I believe that life doesn't drag us along against our wills. You get to choose who to be.So, we already know you don't want to be a pedophile.Do you want to spend your life afraid that you are one?If not, please talk to someone about how much time you spend worrying. It's not necessary, and the worry can be reduced without changing who you want to be (and who you don't.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted October 3, 2010 Report Share Posted October 3, 2010 Dear cbI doubt it's true that all pedophiles act on their urges. Nothing is that cut and dried. As malign said, you get to choose. It obviously worries you terribly and this amount of worry points to obsession. I agree that getting help with worrying is probably what you should do - how does this sound to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2010 Please help me.I am ever so confused. I have been diagnosed with OCD, offically, by my doctor and medication presribed. I still think I'm a pedo. I'm sure I'm attracted, when I'm out and about I'm constantly looking at people in a sexual way, and almost looking for someone to look at. Thing is, I have no sexual desire. I'm worried that when I'm older I may abuse a child as I'm gay, and have had no sexual relationship. Everyone tells me pedophiles always attack. I don't want to. I saw a boy today, he must have been about , and I questioned whether or not I was attracted to him. That's the thing! I just don't know. I feel like I am trying to avoid the situation, like pretending I'm not one. Like I'm finding it hard to admit I am, but that's the thing, one minute I think I am, the next I don't. I HAVE masturbated over younger boys before. But in general, I guess, I don't FEEL attracted to CHILDREN. I just don't know. Am I? I get scared about going out incase I see a child. It's like I want to see children though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 dear confused, can you get to work on caring for yourself and your OCD? You need a way to soothe yourself so that obessessive thinking doesn't rule you. It is very difficult being in such pain. What can you try to relax your mind a bit? Exercise? nature? art? prayer? meditation? how about music? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 27, 2010 Report Share Posted October 27, 2010 Hi Confused,At age 16 it is unrealistic to think you are a pedo. Also, you state that you are not attracted to children. However, you have OCD and you are obsessing over this.Meds are not enough for OCD. Are you in psychotherapy, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2010 I have been out all day. I've seen many kids, and looked at them sexually. I even just saw a boy at Tesco in football typed clothing, must have been 10-11, I found the idea of him attractive. Let me put it this may, I want to kiss older boys, and "make out", but I don't to younger boys. It's merely about feet. I know, it's weird. I don't have any urge to have sex with any type of boy. I seem to like sporty boys. I really think I'm a pedo. Just not admiting it! I DID find a few "Children" attractive today. It's like I look for them, but I'm sure I don't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idied Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 Sometimes with OCD you can have opposing thoughts. Thoughts that aren't true but torture you daily into trying to believe they're true. For instance, a day care employee who loves children but is NOT a pedophile and they KNOW they aren't is suffering from thoughts that they may be one even though they know it's not true. It's a form of anxious thought that happens to distract your mind while scary things are happening. Is anything scary happening in your life right now? When do you feel these thoughts? When did they start? Backtracking usually can lead you to help. I forgot what these kinds of thoughts are called but they are OCD. If you KNOW you're not a pedophile then these thoughts are just distracting you from another problem it sounds like. For Ex. It's like thinking of something horrible while having sex or something (thinking something negative during a relatively normal/positive experience). It's mind torture. If this is what it sounds like then I hope this helps you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idied Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 You need to ask yourself also, what is stressing you out in your life besides these thoughts? Any changes in your lifestyle or events that have happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted November 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 I just masturbated over a 13/ 14 year old, I fancy him, and have done for some time. If I add things up, I've masturbated over quite a fre younger boys. I have no desire to have sex with them. If I see a young boy out in public I start to wonder if I'm attracted to him, and if I see a person I'm attracted to I start to worry about their age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted November 10, 2010 Report Share Posted November 10, 2010 Again these people are only 2-3 years younger than you. I think your anxiety is simply having a day with you. You need to deal with anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted November 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2010 Hello Waiting,Today has been horrible. I haven't seen any children, but I have been worrying, again. I saw a picture of a child in sports clothes, and I'm sure I felt something. I'm so worried at the moment. I'm worried I might masturbate over an image of a child. The worry comes and goes. I don't even think about children when I'm not worring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idied Posted November 11, 2010 Report Share Posted November 11, 2010 This might help:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted November 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2010 I know about Intrusive Thoughts, I don't think these are. I have just masturbated over a picture of a young person, again, in sports clothes. He must have been 11-13? I couldn't tell. I'm at wits end. Confused. Don't know what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confusedboy16 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2010 Hello again,Today I masturbates over a boy in sports clothes again. I don't know his exact age, he must have been young 10-11? I'm worried! I am a pedo, aren't I? I hate the thought of being one. I'm so confused over what I like and what I don't like, please help me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.