I don't think i can take anymore

[shanrucas]

I dread another weekend...I love my mom, but her needs are way more than I can handle anymore, I grieve for all I have given up to keep her home. I am angry at family members who do not offer help, I am angry at angencies that won't help because she has a small pension she lives off of. I am angry at all the high costs of everything. I am angry cause I can't afford to repair the house. I am angry at myself for feeling these things, I am angry that I can't find balance in my life. I am angry and I don't want to feel this anymore, it is causing me such pain I can't take anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I just want to sleep

[Kaskade]

Sorry to hear about your frustration and stress shanrucas. You are no doubt dealing with a lot of pressure and no easy answers. It could certainly make anyone feel trapped. I also have pressing day-to-day matters that need attention and too many times I don't the time, money, resources or energy to care for them the way they should be. It can be depressing because the problems linger and haunt you.

You don't have to feel bad about being angry, it's a natural response – you are frustrated and anyone would be in your situation. If you need to vent then that's what you need to do, there is nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings. All I can say is take it one day at a time, one problem at a time. Try to find the highlights of each day and savor those as much as possible. Unfortunately problems are stubborn and like to stick around so the only control we often have is our approach to them. Keep posting here and sharing as much as you need to, we're listening and this community cares. You are also welcome to vent at me anytime if that will help too. In the meantime hang in there and don't forget that we will be here to support you in any way we can.

[Luna-]

Shannon:

Apart from everything else you sound utterly exhausted. Is there no way you can arrange for some respite care?

[shanrucas]

Thank you Kaskade, I really do need a way to vent my frustrations so that I don't vent them inappropriately, my mom would feel bad even though a lot of the time she's not with it.

Luna I would love to find respite care, but as long as she still has a pension to live off of she would have to pay out of pocket for it as she does a lot of things. It's hard enough to pay the mortgage right now because medical costs are so high. I am however applying for SSDI so hopfully I will be eligble and that would take some of the costs off of her and maybe I can hire another caregiver.

In the mean time I am doing my best to hang on, sometimes I feel that much closer to the mental ward....don't want to go there

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Shannon, keep venting... let the anger out... it is Ok...

Shannon, I am playing ignorant here but I don't know how the system works but what if you were not able to care for her. What if you were not in the picture then what would happen to her? Medicaid/medicare?? I dont know.

Are there any Alzheimers support groups in the area that you can contact for help ?

hang in there... and call some of your local friends. I think this is a good time to be around some people that can give you some real hugs. But in the meantime, here is mine: (((HUG)))

[shanrucas]

Thanks to all for you supportive words, I am feeling a bit calmer for the moment, going to do my best to research any solutions I can find if I can get around her income issue. I managed to take a long nap and it seemed to help. I will press on.

[Lindamomof7]

sleep is the key Shannon. After not sleeping during a manic phase for almost a month, I truely understand the need for sleep. And if I keep careful observation, any change in my sleep correlates with a mood change. Be careful and keep it in the back of your mind because I know your life now is filled with interrupted sleep and keep up doing the best you can do...

[58corvette]

Hello Shannon;

Please keep venting. I know it may be very difficult for you right now; so many times our world just seems to calapse down on us with no hope or way out.

if you are able to get online for any Goverment Agencies that relate to your Mom's situation; Try.

I may not be of any help at this time; but im here to listen & be here for people such as yourself. As people have been here for me.

WE ARE NOT ALONE & WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE!!!

[shanrucas]

Well, here I am still venting. feeling so lonely. I can't decide if that my emotions are running totally out of control or that I am heading towards a feeling of numbness. Almose wishing for the numbness at this time....I have been taking alot of seroquel, not much relief from it,,will talk to pdoc about this. I just can't keep going on like this anymore.

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Shannon, hang in there, tomorrow is your appt. What are you doing today??

[shanrucas]

Right on cue, my pdocs office just called to remind me about my appointment.

As for what Im doing today? Don't seem to be doing much of anything at all, just the bare minium, taking care of mom's needs and then lying on couch in between, thinking about what I should be doing...no energy at this time.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Shannon, same here after manic yesterday I woke to be a very flat crabby person. Laying on my bed watching bowling and whatever stupid movies are on.

Kind of want to go out but dont. I know I should but dont want to. Gee I sound like a 2yr old !!!

Ok so a little to get your mind off things?? :

My therapist appt is tomorrow. She told my husband she would check in on me on Friday, never heard from her. I am wondering if she is testing me to see if I react. You know that borderline traits I sometimes can exhibit in depression

I dont care, I just know that although she is a very professional and well trained therapist in trauma and she is the leading trainer in the field in our area, I have issues with efficiancy or inefficiancies....

I know sometimes our communication with appt times has been a little out of sorts with varying times all week, I am trying for it not to bother me but the hassle is unecessary and I think I will just ask her to give me 3 days and times that is consistant every week...

So ok I am looking for a solution and not bitch and complain about it

So to me, thats not how you run a business. Unfortunately my business head kicks in with my need for efficiency for time management skills, but then all is lost to my inability of mood regulation...

Anyway, did I take your mind off of things Shannon?? LOL

hang in there... (((hugs)))