back to Self injury ...

[mscat]

:(I had only self injured twice in about four months. getting A Yorkie puppy really help change the way I feel about myself.

However, now I Burned my arm half way on Wed . and it felt good . The first touch of the Cigar felt pain, then it lessened and lessend where there was hardly any .

NOW, today is my 40th Birthday, and I do not want to be that old :eek: I may have bounced a check i needed to write for groceries, and stressed over that too, and I want to feel good right now. I am alone, and I wat to Self injure, and get that "high" from the endorphin rush . YES, indeed there is actually A feeling of relaxation after a eposoide of self injury for me.

Once i start To si again, it is difficult to quit . ANd it is back for i do not know how long.

For now, I am keeping the burns to the second degree level. ANd feel like if is a way to purify my body of all the bad that I have inside me. NO it is not self punishment per sey , but a way to cleanse out the evil from within.

YES, My therapist knows this, and has seen the burns. Whn I burn, it is not in big circles , the burns are together looking like one huge mess of burns. Then I wear long sleeves, because of the large blisters. AND my arm swells three times the size . my hand even swelled yesterday. It is odd that my arm swells up when I Si, but just for a few days.

The poor left arm has been burned, and reburned numerous times. it scars up, and then is burned all over again. I Can't burnm on the other arm anymore because of my tattoos, and the severely burned forearm and hand, wrist area.

SO yes, I AM A self injurey Junkie. When will I stop? Do not know? Thought of getting a tat that said, Burning to Death.... YEs, I am morbid as well.

When I get into these moods I get a bit "freaky"

Sorry I just felt like I needed to write stuff down.

[Lie_low]

I just wanted to let you know that I read and I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time. I know that burns are serious, and there is often a risk of infection, so please be kind to yourself. That fact that you were able to abstain from self-injury with only two slip-ups is great. I know that when I am in similar situations, it is easy to give up and go into self-destruct mode. I think that it is helpful to remember that a negative feeling doesn’t always require an action. Don’t let the slip-up get you down. You are not a “self-injury junkie,” as you put it, you are capable of change.

Take care,

Meredith

[Proverbs31:28]

I am sorry you are struggling right now. It sounds like you have been triggered by several stressors in a row. This sounds familiar as this is when I have fallen to Si in the past. In fact, today, I was seriously seriously tempted and JUST as I was about to pull the razor out, the phone rang! It was a very good friend of mine who said I had been on her mind and she felt like we should talk. I talked to her for a bit and by time we got off the phone, the urge had passed! So, I am thinking distraction may be a good tool for me to use when future urges come on!

I was in group therapy with a lady who had multiple deep scars all over her arms. She obviously had been a cutter for quite some time and just as obviously cut frequently. She made a pact with someone that she would not cut for one week. When she met that goal, she made another pact for 2 weeks and then 30 days, etc. This seemed to work for her.

I know it sounds like I am rambling but I think my point is that there may be something out there that will work for you. Something to bring you back from the urge.

Hugs, hon. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi mscat,

None of us like getting older but, as the old saying goes, "it sure beats the alternative." And, that old saying makes me wonder about what types of pleasure you give your self in your life.? I am not talking about burning your self but about what you like to do? For example, I love that first cup of coffee in the morning. I sip it, read the newspaper and listen to National Public Radio (it exists in the UK as well).

I believe its the small things that are easy to over look that we need to become more aware of: the small things that give us pleasure. It sure beats burning your self.

Allan

[Mark]

Mscat,

You've described your burn in some graphic detail, and that has me a little concerned, not because I want to stop your self expression, but because I am concerned about the potential for others to become upset reading that. So far so good, I would say - no one seems to be upset - but please keep in mind that some people can become freaked out by reading details about self-injury for the future. At the very least, I would encourage you to mark your title to suggest a warning to readers. And perhaps some details are left best not described fully. I will leave this up to you and the rest of the community for now as again, none of my concerns seem to have come true so far.

Beyond that, I'm sorry to hear that you're self-injuring again. That hurts both literally and figuratively, as I imagine you to be quite upset (even if you aren't feeling it per se) while engaging in that activity.

A former mentor used to describe therapy to me as a long term process. I would get worried when someone we were working with would not respond after a two week intensive partial hospitalization, and he would smile and say that each such hospitalization was like a single treatment, and that it might take multiple treatments before some of our quite ill patients would come around. And I think that may apply to a far wider population than just the dually diagnosed patients my mentor was speaking of. In your own case, there are times when self-injury is more of a problem and times when the need to do that lessens. So we want to encourage the things that help make the need to self-injure lessen. This is a time of stress (at the 40th birthday to which I can relate, being 41). What can you do to unwind some of that stress?

Mark

[Lie_low]

Although I was not triggered by your post, I see how others could be. I think that it is a good idea to avoid describing injuries, or the method that you use to harm yourself (cutting, burning, etc.). I hope that you are doing ok.

Meredith

[Catmom]

Hey mscat-

Dr Schwartz' question to you about what you do to have fun prompts me to put a word in here too.

Have you considered taking your Yorkie to obedience classes? I take my beloved little Papillon female to both obedience and agility classes. When I am able to teach her something new, it gives me a great deal of satisfaction. (Of course, the fact that she is so very smart helps, too... )

I live in a medium sized city and was able to find classes that don't cost too much.

Just an idea for you. Yorkies are tiny but they can be very smart and trainable, if you can work with that terrier streak of willfulness, that is. I'll bet your little dog would be a big hit if you wanted him/her to be a therapy dog, visiting nursing homes, etc where people are so hungry for contact with cuddly pets.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

Catmom

[mscat]

I keep trying to reply, but i keep getting booted :confused: One my try !

YES, I will be careful not to be too graphic on the si posts, and place trigger warnings.

Also What ASchwartz wrote brought up an issue I actually am working on. My Psychatrist said I have low dopmaine and explained that when this happens A person has a hard time feeling anything good, or having fun. He did place me on medication for that too.

As for me and Self injury, it is keeping me alive . YES, I am very serious, because it is my alternative to ***** .

I have a disabled teenaged son who now has severe allergies and is constanly demading. It is going on 4 days in A row with him, and he's is going back to school.

YES, I will, and know what I will do once alone, for peace and to be grounded .

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi mscat,

You know, the idea about taking your yorkie to classes is a good one. There is one thing about having a dog, you can always find things to do and meet lots of people. One way is to go to classes and another way is to walk you dog in a "dog park" if they have them where you are.

I am sorry to hear about your son. What is his disability? I am sure you have mentioned this but I need a reminder.

Do you blame yourself for his disability and do you "punish yourself?" I ask because I have known lots of moms who, unfortunately, do this.

Anyway, I want to encourage you to do as many things as you can to distract yourself from inflicting wounds on yourself.

Please feel better soon and I hope your posting problems get resolved.

Allan

[mscat]

Hi Allen,

I want to compliment you and say that your a pretty cool. Thanks for such nice feedback, and helpful advice

My Sone is High Functioning autistic , with cognitive delays. He is verbal , but Has been also dx as Aspergers, however, that does not fit, because of the delays. He has had a dx sice 3 1/2 yrs old.

You are correct, my Yorkie pup, Suzi brings great joy in my life. She is considered A service animal . I need to have her certified so I can take her with me . SHe's 7 months old , and is a complete joy. Suzi has lot's of energy being A terrier , and being a pup she's into everything, and chewing ! She's my baby though and pampered .

I see a therapist on a regular basis, and the Psyhcahtrist , 4-6 weeks. When I have severely injured myself, and in the Trauma unit Critical Care Unit a whole psych team comes in and talks to me, trying to decide if i needed to be Hospitalized . YES that had happened several times.

This is what I need to be careful of, not to go too far and hurt myself like that anymore, because it is such a big To Do.... And to me, I feel much better , and on a "high" from the pain.... the high lasts longer after a severe burn injury, and I do not feel the pain from a Full third to 4 rth degree burn...

It is terrible, even when I write about it, and very sorry , but it is the only way to get it out of my system.

It is not self punishment for me, it is to feel real , and alive . It is a relief , and helps me know that I am alive. It is A reality check.