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Happy Birthday Jedidiah

brodman

By brodman
in the Lounge

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Hotspot Senior Member

Hotspot

Posted
Posted

Happy belated birthday! And you are NOT old. If I could be 18 again knowing what I know now. You have plenty of time and life is only beginning for you.

I read that you require more surgery but how are you feeling since the last? It must feel good to not still be in the hospital.

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Elijah Senior Member

Elijah

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Thank you for the added birthday well wishes it is kind.

I am not feeling well at all. I think I might have made the wrong decision regarding the surgery I had. I am expected to return next week for further surgery, I do not think I will be. I would rather return home.

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Luna- Senior Member

Luna-

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Elijah, can you describe in a little more detail the kind of "not well" that you feel? Also, did they happen to tell you what they actually did in the surgery and what they still want to do?

It is all your own decision and I am not trying to persuade you but I'll tell you my concern. Since they plan to do further surgery, the repair is obviously not complete and depending on what they did or what stage they got to, you may feel worse before you feel better. They should explain what they did and plan to do, in terms you understand and if they didn't, you can ask them to do so. Then you will have more information on whether you will go ahead or rather leave it at this stage.

I can understand why you just want to go home, this is frightening stuff.

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Elijah Senior Member

Elijah

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Thank you for the further birthday well wishes I appreciate them all.

Shannon and Luna, please do not be concerned for me. I have spoken at great length with all of my doctors. They expected that I would not be feeling any better than I am. The constant pain, nonexistent energy and continued shortness of breath with vertigo has been all explained to me. They thought they were going to be able to correct my heart troubles with one surgery however, upon further testing after I was last rushed to the hospital showed the initial defect was larger than originally suspected.

After several days of being on several medications to attempt to regulate my blood clotting and flow I had surgery. During that surgery they drained my chest of blood that pooled around my heart and closed one hole. It turned out there were two holes and a section that was inverting itself. They said it was too risky to attempt to close both holes while this other section was inverted. They advised me that it was better to close one hole allow that to heal while closely monitoring the other. They want me to return next week to have the second hole closed which they believe would also completely heal the inversion in time.

All I know if how I feel which is worse than I have ever felt in my life. It has been an everyday all day feeling. I am on a lot of medication and I do not see any true benefit from them. I also have a PCA machine which I can hook and unhook myself to which provides pain medication. It does in fact relieve pain but it also knocks me out. I do not want to sleep my life away or continue to be in severe pain dependent upon a machine. They tell me this is all part of the course considering they had not anticipated my having so, many complications.

They claim after the next surgery everything will get better. I do not believe them. I abhor being in the hospital. To not be able to go outside, and lay unproductive in bed for days in and out is not something that brings me enjoyment or contentment.

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finding my way Senior Member

finding my way

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Elijah this is a major major health event:(:o. I can believe that you feel horrible!! and it must be such a struggle psychologically to be going against how you were raised.;) Have you ever been seriously ill before this? It can really take a lot out of a person. The worst I've had is pneumonia, and I was ready to give up at one point when I had that, and your situation is much worse!!! All I am trying to say I guess is that this is major what you are going through and maybe try to be patient with yourself if you can....

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Luna- Senior Member

Luna-

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Oh Jedidiah, my heart goes out to you. I am still concerned.

You have had major, MAJOR surgery. You will not feel well for a time. This is temporary, though. It was inevitable that your heart would begin to fail as you grew older, it would have happened no matter what you had done. After the second hole is closed up, your body will get on with the healing that it knows how to do and you will grow stronger again, just as you were before. This kind of surgery is usually done when babies are very small, as soon as it is picked up and they grow up to live very normal lives. Hospitals are horrible, few would disagree with that. No-one enjoys it. And faced with what you have, who wouldn't want to go home?

They claim after the next surgery everything will get better.

I have to say that even though you don't believe them, I agree with them. This is life-saving surgery Jedidiah. You won't feel better immediately but you WILL feel better.

I said I wouldn't try to influence you but now I have just done that. I'm sorry. I worry about what will happen if you decide not to have the second hole closed. I know you will make your own decision and that is right.

So many very big decisions for you. Any of us would struggle with these and more so at 18. A great many of us are pulling for you whatever you decide.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Guest SomethingOrOther

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Does it seem like all that the doctors do is increase the amount of heart problems that you have? It's easy to feel like that, because of the way things present themselves. But things don't always present themselves as they are.

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Elijah Senior Member

Elijah

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I appreciate all of your care and concern deeply.

I believe that I made the wrong choice. I kept wanting a sign or way to better understanding, once it appeared I ignored it. I did not see it for what it was.The great plan for me is perhaps that I should not be here. I meddled too much. During my time away from home I have encountered and learned a lot. I have made many friends I cherish. I am being a selfish person.

I do not have anything more positive to reply with and I sincerely apologize for making this happy thread not real happy.

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spiritual_emergency Senior Member

spiritual_emergency

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Elijah, if it had been me in your shoes, I would have made the decision to go ahead with the surgery. I would make the decision to go ahead with the second surgery too. That's just me. I know you have to make your own decision.

Recuperation from something like surgery isn't much fun. It isn't any fun to lay there, to feel such lack of energy, but it's what your body has to do to heal. On a brighter note, it's a great time to get caught up on any reading you want to do. Read. Roll over. Sleep. Wake up. Grab your books.

You've had to make some major decisions during this time of your life. I'm glad you've had people around you that you could talk to, laugh with, share your concerns with. We all need such things.

~ Namaste

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Luna- Senior Member

Luna-

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Elijah, our support of you is not contingent on what decisions you make. So please don't apologise, you have nothing to apologise for ... ;) We'll always wish the best for you and be here if you want to talk. It sounds as if you are leaning towards going home? If you'd like to share your thoughts, you know there will be listening ears here.

I understand wanting to go home when you feel the way you've felt since the surgery. You've had a very tough time.

You are in my thoughts and I will support whatever you decide to do.

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Elijah Senior Member

Elijah

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Posted

Hello Everyone,

Whether or not G-d makes plans that fail is something I can not answer for you. That is a personal belief and assumption one needs to make for themselves. What I believe or do not believe about it does not really matter.

SpiritualEmergency, it must be comforting to be able to be decisive. I did enjoy doing a lot of reading. There never is enough time to get it all done. My friend got me for my birthday something called an ebook it has been a lot of help passing the time without having to have piles of paper books surrounding me. It came loaded with over a thousand books. I have only read 124 of them thus far. It also has unlimited free downloads for the next 6 months. I would like to find out how unlimited it really is.

Luna, I appreciate what you have said. I appreciate what all of you have said as you did not have to bother. I do not know what to decide about returning home or not. It weights heavily upon my heart and mind. I miss home and I am upset by the limitations. I do not think I am capable of living up to either places expectations.

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randomperson Senior Member

randomperson

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Posted

Happy late Birthday, mine was on the 28th too :(

If what I knew about your culture is true there is a time at your age where you stay with a family to see what outside culture is like. In a way it is a spiritual awakening. A time of intense growth and learning. It sounds like you are doing that right now from your past messages. The experience you share not only will help shape who you are, you also help shape those you are around.

Any major surgery you will feel very bad. It is normal.

It sounds like you are feeling because the problem was worse than thought it was not meant for you to have it?

..sometimes it is not easy to know the big picture of things.

It is something we all struggle with at times. Often things tie together over time.. looking back we can see purposes we could have never seen at the time things are happening.

I asked once if you believed it was a sin to take medicine. I simply did not know and you helped me understand your culture more. If I have it right it is more of a feeling that what is meant to be will be and that you should not interfere with the big picture of things.

Seems like if anything the guilt would only come from thinking there is a lack of faith. It takes a lot of faith and trust in G_d for you to stay in the hospital.

More than most because of your background. I am not sure you have looked at it from that point before.

You are going through so much for anyone, especially for someone your age.

You are more mature than most people my age ;)

If you do not get the second operation what will happen?

..Something personal I once like you struggled with the thought.. can I mess up G_d's plan for my life? I used to worry all the time I would say something wrong.. do something wrong.

Then I was taught a lesson by totally messing up once.. he still came through for me.

He is bigger than we often give him credit for :) He knows who you are inside. Often we all focus on the tiny things and forget the big picture. It is the big picture that really counts.

I still forget this lesson too much.. still over worry.. still over think. But when I do remember it gives me peace about things.. to know as long as my heart is in the right place that things are ok.

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Elijah Senior Member

Elijah

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Happy belated birthday! randomperson.

I appreciate your thoughts. Without the surgeries I have been told I would die.

I do not want to go further into why I believe certain things. I think some here might be making not funny jokes of my beliefs and feelings.

None of my friends here need to be concerned. I will be returning to the hospital on Friday and having surgery on Monday morning. My host family, and various friends not from here as well as a few from here will all come to stay with me. I was not going to be able to stay there with only visits again. Perhaps I am not as mature as a lot see me as.

My counselor arranged for my not being alone for any of the time I will have to remain there. I had a lot of visitors the last time but it was the time I spent alone that was most frightening. I almost left in the middle of the night a couple of times. A lot of people are going out of their way for me. I hope between having someone around more and coming here possibly it will not be as bad.

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randomperson Senior Member

randomperson

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Posted

I am glad to hear you will have the surgery. I know it is a tough decision and a difficult time for you. I respect your choice not to speak about how you feel, but I do not believe people in these forums would tease you. We all respect each other. I myself share not all, but many of your beliefs.

Remember anytime you are alone you can come on here when you are feeling like it and chat.

I will keep you in my prayers.

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