Waiting Posted April 17, 2011 Report Share Posted April 17, 2011 I am glad to hear you feel you are improving. I am sure like me it will come in waves. I have been crying off and on for two weeks now. Some days I feel horrible, some days lost, some days like I will never be alive again and some brief periods I feel good. It seems very unpredictable and confusing, but I just have to working at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 You really describes myself better than myself, like you feel with mixed emotions is exactly how I feel too, mixed emotions and like waves. I am sorry for the sorrow you have to go through, I think the short moments we have with feeling better/good is a indicator that we will come through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 I agree, but some days it seem to monumental and I am going to have put forth more effort to try to reconnect with the world. I have never been a social person and I have withdrawn a lot in the last 10 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 I understand how you feel waiting, I have been withdrawn many many years too because of deep sadness I guess, from childhood abuse/neglect/ early losses.) And meeting wrong men. So havent been much social me either.Its a good thing to try and reconnect with the world as it can give you a break from all the thoughts, even it seem hard to do. I know myself too that I should be more "out there", but I think I need to take it step by step. Go outside for a little moment and rather gradually try building it up. Maybe you can do that too, start slow if it feels too difficult to get out there all at once.When we experience pain and grief its hard to get out there, it takes time. Best is to do what feels comfortable for you there and then.I am still depressed and stay much indoors as I am afraid I will start to cry outside, like I never know what can trigger the pain and grief, so I feel safer to take baby steps. With time I am sure we will feel better, right now it just seems so hard for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 18, 2011 Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 Yes, I am trying to do more. One step at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2011 That is good to hear, it will be better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 21, 2011 Report Share Posted April 21, 2011 My intellect knows I will be better and so I keep telling myself it over and over and hopefully my emotions will catch on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Hi waiting, I try think the same. But I feel hopeless still as my ex or not ex husband still keeps me hanging on, I feel like I will go crazy, he is crazy making me.I try to take care of myself most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I understand that too. I lost my gf, but it is not absolute, o I am between grieving and hoping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I hope it will be better for both of us. I was looking "madea giving relationship advice" on youtube, it made me able to smile/laugh a little as it was very funny even in all the sadness and grief that is going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I am glad you can laugh, that is always a good sign Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Well, I could laugh only because of how they had made it humorous:) Beside this its very hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Don't belittle it You laughed. You expressed a burst of joy. Embrace it and realize it will happen more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Madea is funny yes, but its actually tragic-comic but I read that using humor is a way of trying to heal.As we do put up with much nonsense in our lives. Hopefully one day we stop with that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 Yes Greeneyes,Hopefully we will stop that. By we I mean you and me and everyone else here. I mean it as each individual, we will need to change ourselves because we can't wait upon the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randomperson Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 Happy Easter to you both. ..It does get better.. I know it is hard to see now.. but the pain eases. Allan said something I never realized it is like losing someone to death and you go through the grieving process in the same way as well.It helped me to talk about it till I talked it all out of my system. If it would help you this is the perfect place.. we all care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sensitive_woman Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 I can totally relate to what sadgreeneyes and Waiting have written. It is not easy to 'accept' that its over. Its so hard. In my case I left him but I never imagined that he would allow me to get it through. The circumstances under which I left him is when he was heavily drunk and abusive. But I thought he would change, he didnt! He didnt do anything to make our marriage work. And I just cant get over what happened and yet I miss him so badly. My brain tells me I did the right thing by leaving him but my heart refuses to accept that its over and I should move on. This is all so very hard!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randomperson Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 I can totally relate to what sadgreeneyes and Waiting have written. It is not easy to 'accept' that its over. Its so hard. In my case I left him but I never imagined that he would allow me to get it through. The circumstances under which I left him is when he was heavily drunk and abusive. But I thought he would change, he didnt! He didnt do anything to make our marriage work. And I just cant get over what happened and yet I miss him so badly. My brain tells me I did the right thing by leaving him but my heart refuses to accept that its over and I should move on. This is all so very hard!!When you give your heart to someone that person becomes like family to you. It is never easy to lose family.. no matter how much trouble they cause in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 I am still between being devalued and discarded. I suffer waiting for him to tell me am I trashed or not. Its hard to have been/and still is a victim of an N/P. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted April 24, 2011 Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 In some way do you think sometimes and I who am talking to you sadgreeneyes just as much as I am talking to myself [Leo] that we kinda both blame our selves that if we had been better now this is how I am still thinking that if I had been a better wife maybe I would still be with my first husband. I also still to this day still love him would we have gotten divorced & our divorce was final in 1985!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not saying that this is your way of thinking! I as a woman think we love & consider if we fail [sorry dudes] somehow it is our and our fault only even if we are not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 Hi Leo,most victims blame themselves, so yes I have done too a little, the money stuff mostly. But as Allan said one day to me and what everyone else say, its not my fault and its not any victims fault, its not your fault Leo, its not our fault when we are being abused, but I do think sometimes like you, blame myself, what if I only said that or this, somehow be perfect ALL THE TIME despite how he hurt me and started abuse me. What if I didnt speak up or defend myself when I got hurt maybe things would be ok. But as we know they would still abuse us anyway, it wouldnt change them.Every day I hear the sentences that he hurt me with, they come from every corner still breaking down my spirit, when you have been emotionally abused and even the abuse has stopped your spirit has been heart and soul mutilated, you hear the words like a knife which still cuts into your soul. I dont think I ever will forget how he wounded me with his words. They haunt me.I cling onto a hope he´ll not leave me at same time I am scared to death he´ll leave me here in my country anyway. Nothing is safe. It is horrible not being safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randomperson Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Hi Leo,most victims blame themselves, so yes I have done too a little, the money stuff mostly. But as Allan said one day to me and what everyone else say, its not my fault and its not any victims fault, its not your fault Leo, its not our fault when we are being abused, but I do think sometimes like you, blame myself, what if I only said that or this, somehow be perfect ALL THE TIME despite how he hurt me and started abuse me. What if I didnt speak up or defend myself when I got hurt maybe things would be ok. But as we know they would still abuse us anyway, it wouldnt change them.Every day I hear the sentences that he hurt me with, they come from every corner still breaking down my spirit, when you have been emotionally abused and even the abuse has stopped your spirit has been heart and soul mutilated, you hear the words like a knife which still cuts into your soul. I dont think I ever will forget how he wounded me with his words. They haunt me.I cling onto a hope he´ll not leave me at same time I am scared to death he´ll leave me here in my country anyway. Nothing is safe. It is horrible not being safe.What I had to realize and tell myself over and over.. even still today.True love they would work with you and open the lines of communication.They would not ignore to such great degrees. Would not cause such harsh pain. When it is only one side trying.. that is cause for real concern. Thing is no one is perfect. We all see our flaws and think what if, but did we not try on our end? In every case I know the answer is yes. It is not our fault. Life is not perfect, walking on egg shells is what we are describing... and that is not love. We are ourselves in here are we not? We are accepted for who we are here.We don't have to act a certain way watch our every move and word. We are cared for for who we are as it should be.Learning that I can be cared for just as I am.. it gave me the strength to carry on.. to have hope. Gave me the strength to start healing. I am still hurt from having my heart broke.. but I know now it wasn't my fault.. not all of it at least. She should have worked with me as I was trying every way I could.. truth is.. she didn't love me and was using me.. hard to say to myself.. but it is the truth. We all deserve to love and be loved.To Sadgreeneyes I say this to both of us. We need to let them go in our heart.It is hard yes because we do love them and don't see how we can carry on with life without them.. but look at the pain they caused us..do to us even by ignoring. This is not love. Love is patient, Love is kind,It does not envy, it does not boast,It is not proud, It is not rude,It is not self-seeking,It is not easily angered,It keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.Love always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres.Love bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.L o v e N e v e r F a i l s. Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waiting Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 I had a discussion with my 15 yo daughter yesterday about love. I tld her that as much pain as I am in, I do not regret falling in love. Love is a risk. It is a gamble, but one I will always take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadgreeneyes Posted April 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Love is patient, Love is kind,It does not envy, it does not boast,It is not proud, It is not rude,It is not self-seeking,It is not easily angered,It keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.Love always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres.Love bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends.L o v e N e v e r F a i l s. Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8Hi random,Corinthians 13 :4 - 8 is one of my favorite from Bible, it tells us what real true love is.Funny though, I just sent txt to my husband saying I wished he could love me for me, not if I have the money or not.True love doesnt trash you for not having right income.Like you say random, if we are truly loved we will be loved for who we are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randomperson Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 I know I would be doing the same as you *staying in contact* if I still had the option so I'm not one to talk [we are a lot alike ].. but he will keep hurting you emotionally if you let him. Every time I do falter I get a knot in my stomach even though I wanted to hear back. That is not good. And we are so much alike I know you feel the same. That is not love.. not even friends.Thankfully it is over I'm being ignored.. and I am glad. I just got weak myself.You know what though when I realized I would never hear back..the opposite of what I thought would happen to me happened, a wave of peace and calm took over. If feel more relaxed than I have in a very long time.I'm ok You can be as well. I want you to know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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