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what is it now?


Guest SomethingOrOther
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Guest SomethingOrOther

I feel a bit sick. Like when you have a slight or beginning gut infection, or when you have some anxiety going on. I can come up with reasons for both, yeah great how that narrows it down. Yet, I accept neither. The third possibility is the weather, since it's warm and just started raining, but I usually feel tired because of the weather, not sick. And I have to mow the lawn, very soon, but I won't do that now, although I already decided I deserve a break when I came from grocery shopping before it rained and had that much an anti-appetite that I could hardly decide what to buy. I don't know why I feel like this, it makes little sense and it's annoying.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Thank you waiting. It's not really bad. It's just enough to totally annoy me with all the things I can't do about it, the idea it might get worse and with being very annoyed. It reminds me that my mind can just make me unfunctional and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't even know if it IS my mind, so what would I friggin do about it? Well, nothing is what I will do about it at the moment. I know it's a tiny problem. I wouldn't compare that to your experiences, because those have the decency of being somewhat "real".

S.

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Never minimize your issues SoO.

Anxiety sucks all around. I have had it a long time. I may have more things for it to tap into but there have been times when it has been insignificant things as well and I know even then how problematic they can be.

Try to focus on the positive and fight anxiety with CBT if you are familiar.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

I don't think it's entirely mental. I walked to the library and felt like fainting and sat down twice on the way back. Whatever, it's depressing. I'm supposed to apply for jobs and be motivated and eager and I feel 80 years old.

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It is brutal I know.

I have criminal charges on me. I am mid divorce. I get no child support after three years. The matrimonial home is still not for sale and I still have to pay half the mortgage. I was fired for discriminatory reasons. My union dropped me. Been unemployed for two years. My girlfriend left me due to all the stress and people expect me to just move on search for work and keep a log of it. I do but it is so hard.

The scary thing is that it is so depressing I often just hope there are no jobs so I get it over with faster.

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Hi Something, Waiting. I read your posts and wanted to say that I know how awful it is to have this kind of free floating anxiety and stress...

I know how it makes you feel like you are unable to do anything, can't concentrate either. It can also sap your strength making you feel tired and as you said, Something, like you're 80 years old. :(

I wish you both well and hope things get better soon.

Take care.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Something,

You are not alone in hoping you don't get a job that you are applying for. I expect you don't fit the criteria and don't get the job because you feel huge anxiety and have low self esteem. Do you feel any excitement over getting a first interview?

It is common for people waiting to be interviewed for the same job to not talk to each other because they're competing with each other and don't want to give anything away that they think might be an advantage they have. You know, rivals aren't friendly to one another.

I can understand your apprehension about moving to a new city away from friends. Its a big adjustment to make. It sounds like its hard for you to make friends.

Nothing of what you are saying is absurd. My concern is that, because of your anxiety and self doubt you may be sabotaging yourself so that you really don't get the job. Not just this one but any job. All of us can self sabotage withour awareness.

What do you think?

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Hey

Everything that you have been working on for yourself is more than I can say for myself. I know of course your apprehensive but I know you can hey at least try it. Practice in front of a mirror maybe it sounds stupid but talk and see if it sounds good to you & hey more power to you Good Luck I know you can do it, don't sabotage yourself anxiety yeah it's new i'm sure it' like sending one of your kids to a new school and they don't know anybody it will take time and boom friends up the butt!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest ASchwartz

Something,

This is a terrible dilemma for you. I just want to assure you that it is more common than you believe to hope not to get a job.

I believe, essentially, you are convinced you are a fraud and that you will be exposed. It's an all too common feeling for those of us who lack self confidence and have low self esteem.

You need to use some cognitive therapy methods on yourself to examine and correct the problems you are having with your automatic thoughts. There is a self help section here on mental help.net that is available. For example, the people who are going to interview you are not stupid. They want to interview you for more than one reason and they know what they are doing. Clearly, they believe you are worth interviewing or they would not waste their time. When you are being interviewed you and they will decide if you meet the criteria or not. If you and they decide the fit is right they will hire you. If not, they won't but not because you are a fraud.

It's important that you start to believe in yourself. You need to remind yourself that you are a smart person, and you are, and that, if you get the job, you can do it.

Just to let you know about me, I used to hope that I did not get the job.

Allan

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"And I was just trying to work up motivation for further applications by hoovering."

And at least the hoovering's done! :-)

I'm not being sarcastic at all: housework is one of my major motivation-sappers. It's okay to be pleased that you've made progress, no matter how ambiguous you may still feel about it.

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*gasp* Not the ... bathroom! ;-)

Sorry. Annoyance can be a motivator, or it can be an excuse to cut oneself up, inside. I hope you'll take care of yourself.

I thought it was interesting that you want to answer Allan by "explaining how much more able I am than you seem to believe." Does it make you uncomfortable to tell people how able you are?

Believe me, your abilities already come through; for one thing, all the conversations we've ever had have been in what is a foreign language, for you. I don't think your abilities are in question.

Could it be your perceptions, instead? I'm not sure you really know what Allan believes; could you be projecting your own beliefs onto him? If so, it might actually be interesting to see how you would counter those beliefs with the facts ... Especially since those facts are also what you need to tell potential employers.

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Is anything the complete truth? :-)

Everything's multi-layered.

You're right: the counter-thoughts of CBT are really counter-interpretations. There are really very few absolute facts that most humans are concerned with. Even scientists make most of their living from creative interpretation of what their experiments find, in order to come up with new experiments.

Yes, job interviews, and grant applications, are mostly about sales. Which, in turn, is all about interpretations, again. You put yourself forth as the best candidate available, that you know about. The interpretation isn't that you don't have flaws, but that your flaws are at worst not a problem for the job at hand, and if you're really good at mental gymnastics, maybe they're even advantages!

Okay, I'm not much of a salesman, either, but I could probably play one on TV. ;-)

There are lots of ways of answering those hard questions. Probably any answer that you can deliver with conviction would do. To me, that means precisely that you find an "interpretation" that you are comfortable with. If they don't like that interpretation, well, you probably didn't want to work for them anyway.

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