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Funny stuff...


Catmom
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Dogs at the Vet:

A black lab, a chocolate lab, and a yellow lab were at the vet...

The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, "So why are you here?"

The brown Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the

sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last

night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the chocolate Lab.

"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"

The yellow Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up

flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside,

I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I

dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too". The dejected yellow Lab said.

The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"

"I'm a humper," the black Lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat,

a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I

see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away".

The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"

The black Lab said.... "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

:eek: :eek: :eek:

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  • 10 months later...

Chemistry Exam

Bonus Question : Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat) ?

Most of the students wrote proofs on their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some varient:

One student, however, wrote the following....

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving to Hell, and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving, As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyles Law states that in order for the temperature, and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionatley as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities :

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate, than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and the pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and the pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it ?

If we accept the postulate, given to me by Teresa, during my Freshman year that "It will be a cold day in Hell before i sleep with you" , and take into account the fact that i slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus i am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls, and is therefore extint....

Leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existance of a devine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God".

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Sorry, John, I was projecting someone my size.

You can be a snack if you want. :-)

The next logistical problem with your plan is meal delivery, however. Finding sufficient snackage and delivering it to swimming bears is going to be quite a challenge. Perhaps we could organize a convention of politicians and bureaucrats to study the problem -- then package them and ship them to the Arctic: plenty of snacks, right there! :-)

We just have to think creatively.

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My mother of all people sent this one to me. It sounded very therapeutic.

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is coming October 23rd !!

Mark your calendars!!!

October 23rd is the official Slap Your Irritating Co- work ers Holiday: Do you have a co- worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't care about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! Here are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.

* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.

* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co- work ers take their turns slapping the irritant.

* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.

* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping on October 23rd..... and have a great slapping day!

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  • 2 weeks later...

CAN YOU READ THIS ?

Olny 55% of plepoe can !!!

I cdnoult blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccidrng to rsheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dsenot mtaetr in waht oerdr the lteters in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcusaea the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azamnig huh ? yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpelnig was ipmorantt !!!

Edited by SweetSue
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