Emotional Incest - Sexuality Abuse

[Guest GingerSnap]

I found this article very interesting: http://joy2meu.com/emotional_incest.htm as it really seems to ring true to what I have saw. My husband's mother had him meeting both her emotional and sexual needs (through a fetish thing, sex organs not included but details he remembers describe active attempts to seduce him - have read that with adults and children that the adult works to seduce the child and then blames the child for it happening to help preserve the secret). I have a close friend whose husband experienced some similar issues related to childhood sexual abuse and we have talked at length about these types of problems and you need a really close and true friend when you start discussing such things. I think a lot of people are messed up and don't understand where it comes from. My husband's mother, I call her "Virginal Dee" because she tried to present that quality of purity as described by my husband and his sister depending on him emotionally as she had married when pregnant to a man that stayed away at work or somewhere and was away from home a lot. His mother would have him back up her lies that she told his father. She totally eroded any possibility of him having a relationship with his father. This competition between he and his father still goes on today even though his father died in the 80's. He said "Now I own a house, my dad never owned a house." and I said "Yeah, I guess you showed him?" Anyway from my standpoint, yuck, yuck, yuck and we will live under the same roof with strict boundaries in place for him until one of us moves out because yuck, yuck and more yuck! I am an "eye for eye" person and he torched it!

[LaLa]

Thanks for the link - the website http://joy2meu.com/ is really interesting!

[Guest ASchwartz]

"Virginal Dee?" wow, I love it.

How did you come to that term? It's brilliant but I want to know I'm reading the right things into it, like, hypocrisy, etc.?

Allan

[Guest GingerSnap]

Not sexual abuse, emotional abuse but sexual abuse can become a component. I have seen mothers where there children were their best friends and it doesn't work out very well for the children. The mother tucks them away and basically uses them to meet her own emotional needs. You should not be crying on the shoulder of your 3 year old. A child should not feel emotionally responsible for the issues of the parent and becoming too close in this way can lead to the sexual component entering the picture. Incest is on the rise across the nation so any effort to steer someone clear would be worthwhile. I see more grown people that can't "cut the apron strings" now than ever before, 40 year olds still tied to mom or dad emotionally to the point that they cannot have a relationship with another person.

[LaLa]

To a child, crying = dying? Where does that come from? Does a 3 year old even know what dying is?

I understand it this way: Of course a child has no idea about dying, but the author wanted to describe the emotions - that they are, in case when a child sees her/his mother crying, almost as strong as when an adult sees somebody loved dying. Because little kids have often stronger reactions to emotions and mainly can't understand that "it will be OK after some short time" - for them, what happens "here and now" is not "alleviated" by the idea that "it will not last forever" - and that's the similarity with dying; when somebody dies, it is forever.

[JaiJai]

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