Why do my posts get ignored or even trashed????

[WinterSky]

I see others get the support they need here. I offer my support. What about my needs?

Admins or moderators, will you please lock, or even better... delete this thread??

Also can you please delete this thread? I started it because I needed support and it was hijacked. :mad:

EDIT: I took out the formatting for this post. I am so sorry to all who were affected by this post. I was suicidally depressed and desperate. That is not an excused, it is just the reason. Please do not internalize it. It is my "stuff", I own it.

Edited November 12, 2008 by WinterSky
added comment, edited out formatting

[Mark]

Winter,

I saw your other post saying that you weren't coming back, and I'm sorry to hear that. Your message recently is that you are not feeling supported here, though you have supported others; it doesn't seem fair or (maybe more to the point) equitable. I sure know this community isn't perfect, but we do what we can do with the resources we have available. Maybe sometimes that's not enough.

The two posts you were requesting deletion on were responded to, although in both instances, people did not (as you have said) so much support you as express their own stuff in the opening you made. You talked emotionally and well about your fears over the recent election, but then lifeless came in and expressed her own fears - and they happen to be at 180 degrees from your own. That wasn't supportive, but it was a response and I cannot fault lifeless from posting regarding her own fears.

This whole liberal/conservative thing is like dynamite, by the way - it blows things up. If you have strong feeling one way or another regarding how the country should be run and then you find out that someone you've been talking to believes the opposite, it really introduces an element of distrust into that relationship. It is corrosive to a feeling of easy mutual support, which is one reason why I have not introduced anything about it on the site. I wonder if part of the reason why others have not talked to you about your feelings regarding the election is that they too felt like the subject was dynamite, and they did not want to blow things up.

Regarding admins not always being around, well that is true. We do what we can with this community with the limited resources we have available. I know I've been less present than usual too - my wife forced me to go on vacation this last week (grin!), and also there are guys on the main site who are very upset about penis size and that discussion has started to take up more time than I had anticipated.

In sum, please reconsider leaving so quickly, and at such an emotionally charged time as this election just passed. I will miss you if you go away.

Mark

[JustTrying]

Winter.. I have always tried to respond when it was something I felt I knew something about... sometimes it is enough to say I heard you... well Lady I hear you!

Gabby

[kaudio]

Hi Winter, I am very sorry to learn that you feel unsupported by the community. As Mark mentioned, the responses to your posts did not address your concerns, and they may not have been clearly supportive, but I do believe that the members of this community support you even if the posts - or lack thereof - do not express this support outright. There are members who relate to concerns shared in the forums, but are uncomfortable posting themselves; and members may not offer their input because the circumstances highlighted in posts are outside their "comfort zone". Yet, these are not excuses to defend the community as they merely highlight a very strong probability that both yourself and other members will feel neglected or left out in the future.

When I first visited the Community, I also felt a bit of neglect from the responses to my posts. But, as I continued to share my thoughts, I learned that not only were my posts welcome, they were useful to others as well. Certainly, I am relatively less active than the admins and my fellow moderator, but I have learned a great deal simply by sharing my problems and insights.

I encourage you to continue sharing your thoughts, and I hope you stay with us for as long as you like.

[mscat]

I understand where you are coming from... It's happened to me, then I got blasted for it anther time. I remember your screename when i first joined, then have not seen you around...

I hope you will stay , and get the support you need. Best wishes to you, Cathy

[WinterSky]

There is just soooo much going on right now. I went to the dentist on Monday and was prepared for a crown and I've been in extreme pain since. I called them to tell them I was in so much pain and they said that it was probably because I had my mouth open for so long. It hurt!!! And I've been weepy and so emotional. I saw my therapist on Thursday and I was so angry at so many people and talking fast and now today I find out I will need a root canal because it is absessing!!! My entire mouth hurts and how am I supposed to eat?? This is very important!!! I am newly diagnosed with diabetes!!

I could not stay for a root canal because of my appointment with the Diabetes Educator. The RN at the meeting said that I would need penicillin instead of minocin for the problem with my tooth because of my diabetes. And the tingling in the left arm is because of my diabetes. I can't deal with so much all at once!! It seems like I've had so many appointments with therapists, doctors, etc. that I can't take it anymore! :eek: :mad:

I just do not like feeling ignored! I understand we all have needs here and I want to be there for others, but I just can't deal with all this stuff all by myself!! I want to leave here I want to stay here, I just don't know what to do anymore...

:confused:

[Mark]

Just do what you need to do. This is a very stressful set of events you are describing. You are in pain and you are probably frightened too. Plus all the older existing stuff. It's overwhelming. I'm so glad that you've shared this with us, because before nobody knew that you were having such a tough time so they were not sensitized to the fact that you needed them. but now they will know and I bet you'll get some support sent your way. And I am sending some your way too. I'm glad you wrote, and I hope you feel better soon.

Mark

[WinterSky]

Thank you Dr. Dombeck, I truly appreciate your kind words. And also many thanks to everyone else who posted here. I took a 5mg melatonin last night and had a really good night's sleep, so I think some healing has been going on in my mouth because it does not hurt right now. I've decided to just eat soft foods (not to hot or cold) for now and use Listerine 5 times a day instead of the stress of brushing my teeth.

I also had the opportunity to speak with my brother last night and it was terrific. He was one person i was angry at. My therapist told me Thursday that if I get really depressed and weepy, to ask myself who I am angry at. Sometimes one can get depressed for no reason. But this time for me, It was a lot of things.

I also found out this week that I had an abnormal pap smear from the physical I had recently. Something about irregular cells. :eek: So I am really nervous about that.

Well I am going to make it a good day today. Wish me luck.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

[WinterSky]

Winter.. I have always tried to respond when it was something I felt I knew something about... sometimes it is enough to say I heard you... well Lady I hear you!

Gabby

Thank you Gabby... I guess I am learning how to squeak a little louder (you know the squeaky wheel gets the oil?).

[WinterSky]

Hi Winter, I am very sorry to learn that you feel unsupported by the community. As Mark mentioned, the responses to your posts did not address your concerns, and they may not have been clearly supportive, but I do believe that the members of this community support you even if the posts - or lack thereof - do not express this support outright. There are members who relate to concerns shared in the forums, but are uncomfortable posting themselves; and members may not offer their input because the circumstances highlighted in posts are outside their "comfort zone". Yet, these are not excuses to defend the community as they merely highlight a very strong probability that both yourself and other members will feel neglected or left out in the future.

When I first visited the Community, I also felt a bit of neglect from the responses to my posts. But, as I continued to share my thoughts, I learned that not only were my posts welcome, they were useful to others as well. Certainly, I am relatively less active than the admins and my fellow moderator, but I have learned a great deal simply by sharing my problems and insights.

I encourage you to continue sharing your thoughts, and I hope you stay with us for as long as you like.

Thanks Kaudio, I see others relating and exchanging ideas and solutions. And I have to wonder what it is that I am doing wrong? I don't know. I guess it is more difficult to relate to a person like me who is alone without a supportive family. I have no hubby or children to speak of so perhaps that is why it is not working.

[WinterSky]

I understand where you are coming from... It's happened to me, then I got blasted for it anther time. I remember your screename when i first joined, then have not seen you around...

I hope you will stay , and get the support you need. Best wishes to you, Cathy

Hi! I just tried to send you a PM but I have to wait 3600 seconds. Ah well. This is what I said:

Thanks for your post. I know how you felt now about someone coming along on your thread and benefiting more from the advice given than yourself. I really think there should be more of a sense of boundaries here and respect thereof instead of anybody saying anything. For example, I wrote a thread about sexual issues, when someone starts talking about their stuff and does not try to relate to me, they have crossed boundaries! Then someone else can relate to them and instantly I am excluded from the thread I started myself. What about personal boundaries?

I can understand if it is a session one on one with a therapist and anything goes. But in a group I would think the dynamics would be different.

[paula]

Sorry Wintersky for the ignorance but I haven't been on this site myself, as often as I used to.

Not since all that commotion with the rape issue! Then to top it all, the commotion with the Pedophile post.

It can get a bit much if you get what I mean? I too felt I wasn't getting the support that was needed, but never mind! Like they said there busy!

Hope things work out for you and sorry for not being there when you needed someone.

Take care!

[texasgirl]

I see others get the support they need here. I offer my support. What about my needs?

Admins or moderators, will you please lock, or even better... delete this thread??

Also can you please delete this thread? I started it because I needed support and it was hijacked. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Wintersky,

Your post are not the only ones to get ignored, course I guess would ignore me too. I am have been asked many times "how do people keep from killing you" or told "I bet the people you work with can't stand you"

[JustTrying]

Sorry I HIJACKED YOUR post... I will not respond any more... all I know how to do is tell MY experiance... but if this is going to be an issue I will just leave this site...

JT ( AKA GABBY)

[WinterSky]

Wintersky,

Your post are not the only ones to get ignored, course I guess would ignore me too. I am have been asked many times "how do people keep from killing you" or told "I bet the people you work with can't stand you"

Wow I haven't seen that. We need moderators that will do moderating/policing not just give advice. For what it's worth, I am glad you are back.

[WinterSky]

Sorry I HIJACKED YOUR post... I will not respond any more... all I know how to do is tell MY experiance... but if this is going to be an issue I will just leave this site...

JT ( AKA GABBY)

JT, please forgive me for saying what I said. You were okay, I was not.

To JT and anyone else who has been affected by my original post:

I took out the formatting for the original post. I am so sorry to all who were affected by this post. I was suicidally depressed and desperate. That is not an excuse, it is just the reason. Please do not internalize it. It is my "stuff", I own it. Thanks for listening. ... WinterSky

[Guest ASchwartz]

WinterSky and JustTrying,

I hope that you take WinterSky's apology seriously. I was impressed by it and thought it very heart-felt.

You know, posting is difficult because it is easy to misunderstand one another. What I should say is that it is "easier" to misunderstand because we are not face to face. However, even when people are in the same room and talking, it is easy to misinterpret.

I have always said that human communication, at its best, is very, very hard. Each human being brings to every conversation, their own history, background, hurts, problems and imperfections. That is why it is important for each of us to strive towards patience and understanding: idealistic, I know, but worth the effort.

JT, please don't leave.

Allan:)

[Proverbs31:28]

I have intentionally ignored this thread because of the initial backlash I got from OP when I responded to the thread she referenced here. However, for whatever reason, I read through it today and I think it is unfair to characterize my response to her as "hijacking." I did not hijack her thread. All I did was respond in an empathetic manner. My point- and my only point- was that no matter what your political beliefs are we can ALL understand the fears that were stirred up by this recent election. IMO, that was an empathetic response (aka "I know how you feel even if my similar feelings arise from a different source.") I was not making a political statement at all. In fact, I had felt some of the exact fears Sky expressed but was very wary of expressing them in a forum such as this. When she expressed her fears I thought "oh, I guess people here are OK with discussing these issues" and posted my reply. I still cannot fathom why she took my response as anything other than supportive or why she felt the need to blast me. I have rectified that problem for myself by ignoring any future posts from her since I clearly cannot anticipate how she will take my replies and I simply cannot take logging on here only to find someone now hates me because they misread my reply to them. Having said that, I will continue to offer my support and advice when I feel my words are relevant and helpful or, when applicable, empathetic. I see nothing wrong with offering empathy as sometimes it means a lot to hear one is not alone in their feelings or thoughts.

[JustTrying]

Winter... I was having a rough night.... apologies excepted... and I too appoligise....

JT

[WinterSky]

Winter... I was having a rough night.... apologies excepted... and I too appoligise....

JT

Thanks a bunch JT. I am glad you are staying. No need for you to apologize, bit if it makes you feel better than I accept.

What is it they say? Water under the bridge? I'll try not to drown...