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I'm glad to see you've started posting here again.

I pretty much agree with what pseud says. It really all depends on the circumstances and your age at the time that each of these events occurred, but from the way you phrased it all, these weren't pedophilic acts.

And at the absolute worst (and from the way you described these situations, it's EXTREMELY unlikely,) assuming that these acts were pedophilic in nature, I think that only the first situation you described could be considered molestation.

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From what the three of you are saying, it sounds like the only way it can be abuse is if the perpetrator gets some form of sexual gratification. Surely, this isn't true. A person can abuse a child sexually without getting turned on by it, can't they?

That's not what I'm saying. Situations two and three didn't really have any victims. You didn't do anything to any of those children. The only "iffy" one is situation one, but even so, it depends on your age and whether it was intentional or not.

Abuse can take place when the abuser isn't looking for sexual gratification, but do you really think that's what went on?

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1. Did the kid display discomfort? If it was just brushing your hand in that place trying to help him get dressed, that is not abuse. Intentionally groping there would be where it crosses the line IMHO.

2. At that age I would get an erection from sitting down or standing up, sometimes for no reason at all. You cannot help it from happening. It only matters what you do with it. As long as you didn't stick it where it wasn't welcome, I see no reason to beat yourself up over it.

3. I think the vast majority of boys did this. I did this and so did my friends with no harm done. You're not an immoral creepy pervert if you ever touched anyone else before you turn 18, much less looked at them. Where it would be a problem is if you were going overboard and making everyone nervous but even then it would not be abuse so much as you needing to learn to be discrete and respect boundaries. This is a skill you have to learn through experience and, if you're lucky, mentoring.

IMHO as a survivor of abuse and many years of therapy - it's abuse when force or coercion is involved. When someone older forces someone younger to do something s/he is not comfortable with out of fear of authority/getting hurt/being humiliated, that is abuse.

Any time an adult has sexual contact with a kid, there is an authority relationship, so there is no grey area there. The adult has greater physical size, comprehension of what's going on, and kids are hard-wired to trust adults as authority figures.

OTOH sexual contact or near-sexual play between children of similar age is not so cut and dried. It is very common and even healthy as far as I have read. Again it comes down to whether intimidation was involved.

Edited by Ralph
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I don't think so. If I remember correctly he, and a group of children watching, laughed when it happened. That part really scares me, because at the time I didn't even fully realize I was a pedophile. Is it possible the those children knew something was wrong with me before I did?

It's a funny sight for children. Do you honestly think that they knew you were a pedophile? Hell, you didn't know you were a pedophile! Give yourself a break. Relax a bit.

A bit off topic, but is it odd that my own thread is triggering me?

Not odd at all. That happens to me a lot. I'm sure that it probably happens to most everyone else here too. In a way, it really makes sense. We're all on here talking about our worst problems, fears, memories, etc. It's bound to happen that people trigger themselves.

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I'm sure these aren't the only incidents, they're just to ones I can remember.

Once again, the only "iffy" one you listed was the first situation. If there were more situations, they were likely not too bad.

I really don't think that any therapist would report you based on any of these situations. Go get some therapy. It's not worth fretting over.

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